Teenagers not bothering with my birthday

[justmeisit]

Hi I have (hopefully) name changed for this but I've been here forever. It was my birthday recently and neither of my late teens got me a card or present or wished me happy birthday in person or by phone, or asked if I'd had a nice day. Or made me a coffee. Etc etc! I always celebrate birthdays. My own and other people's. Not so bothered by presents but I love a well picked card.

I have a ds and a dd. My ds genuinely doesn't care about his own, or anyone else's birthday and hasn't for many years. My dd makes a big fuss of her friends and would be devastated if I didn't acknowledge her birthday.

It didn't upset me too much at the time but it's been lingering and is starting to niggle a little. They took their dad out for dinner on Father's Day. Which made me think a bit.

Does this happen to other mums?

@cervixuser

I can't believe some of the responses on here - I would be terribly upset if my adult child didn't make any effort at all about my birthday. To not even say happy birthday is very hurtful

Likewise. It boggles my mind that so many people write off any selfish behaviour by teenagers and young people with 'well that's how they are'. It's not. My own kids and their friends did and still do nice things for their parents and siblings and mark special days.

If parents are prepared to just shrug their shoulders, then their kids will carry on being this way, and in a few years' time their partners will be upset that they don't mark their birthdays or just chuck money at them.

It's perfectly okay to tell them that you're sad that they ignored your birthday, OP, when you've always been at pains to make their birthdays special.

I would be upset by this. I don’t expect anything but a happy birthday mum costs nothing. My DC are 14 and 12, they buy a card and a small present (usually a bar of chocolate or something similar) themselves (although if they had no money they would choose it and DH would buy it for them). We seem to make excuses for teenagers/young adults and they are of course all pretty self absorbed but that’s no excuse to ignore your birthday all together. Even if your DS’ reason is legitimate he could have said happy birthday!

They ate your birthday cake and didn't even think to say happy birthday then?

Yep, that boggles my mind. How could they do that? Eat their own mother's birthday cake (that she had to provide for herself) and not even say Happy Birthday? It's astonishing.

Yes it is how they'll treat future partners that bothers me. I left their dad partly so they'd understand you don't have to be a complete doormat. I love my ds. He is empathetic, clever and kind but I do sometimes see his partners having a similar experience to me.

V slight point of correction- my mum supplied the cake. But I gave it to dc's separately. I am very lucky to have my mum, she's brilliant

It's not really the fact that you supplied the cake yourself, it's the fact that even whilst being handed and eating a piece of birthday cake, fully aware it was your birthday and not only had they got you nothing but were now benefiting from it, they didn't even think to say a measly HB then.

I get that there's an instinct not to be diva ish and demand more on your birthday, but it really is a transferable skill and they need to be aware how self absorbed and unpleasant this behaviour will be seen by others.

No. I'd be very upset not to get a card, token present and esp a "Happy Birthday ". They know it means something to me, and I would certainly not be making any effort for their birthday if they couldn't be bothered. Not really a sign of consideration for others.