Curfews etc for your Year 12 DD

[PlumpCushion]

If you have a DD who is in Uk year 12 (aged 16-17) what, if any, rules do you have in terms of:

1 Week night curfew if outdoors (think being out in a park or at beach probably drinking and smoking)
2 Weekend curfew for the above sort of activities
3 ground rules for overnight stays at other people’s houses who you don’t know (ie do you ask for the address, a phone number, something different or none of the above because you have total trust in your DD and allow absolute freedom)

Of course all DD’s friends are in the latter ‘none of the above’ category and we are ridiculously strict parents.

A quick straw poll would help us get some perspective. Thanks!

Anyone?

Put it on aibu u prob get a lot of response.
I'd say 9 in week 10 weekend

So 17 or almost 17? Blimey. Not sure any tbh. Only proviso was to say where going, and let us know if out overnight or not back for supper. But if they rocked in at 3am and had too big a hangover for school next day - they pay the consequence - catch up or fail exams.

At this age they're almost adults and need to learn to be self-responsible. Otherwise they'll be going off the rails when they start uni - and you won't be nearby to pick up the pieces.

@Christmasfairy2020

Put it on aibu u prob get a lot of response. I'd say 9 in week 10 weekend

10pm on a Saturday night Lol - nightclubs don't even open till then! (When they do obvs.)

We didn't really have any rules other than common sense/common courtesy. I guess back in time for a full night's sleep on a school night was the "rule", although they never need to be told that. We expected them to let us know where they were, when they were coming back and update us if there was a change of plans by text.

We didn't frame it as rules "though", just common sense eg even when you leave home, it's not a bad idea to tell your flatmates or friends your plans and common courtesy to let them know if you've met someone on Friday night and won't be back all weekend so they aren't wondering if you ok...

Thanks folks. We live semi rurally so there is no public transport after 10/ 11 and taxis are prohibitively expensive. We need curfews so that we as parents have a bit of control over lifts, if nothing else. So then that leaves us with the issue of what to allow in terms of midweek sleepovers. I probably should’ve said about where we live in my OP! Sorry.

@PlumpCushion

Thanks folks. We live semi rurally so there is no public transport after 10/ 11 and taxis are prohibitively expensive. We need curfews so that we as parents have a bit of control over lifts, if nothing else. So then that leaves us with the issue of what to allow in terms of midweek sleepovers. I probably should’ve said about where we live in my OP! Sorry.

Don't frame it as a curfew then! 'Darling I'm happy to pick you up from the park anytime before 10.30 on a school night and midnight at the weekend. If you're coming home later than that you'll need to spend £30 on a taxi so make sure you've got some money with you.'

I balance by being strict during the week and more relaxed fri/sat/hols.
I don't track my children but I do ask them to tell me where they are ,even if I wouldn't like it. I don't expect to know the address of where they are sleeping over and tbh I'm a bit when a late teenagers parent contacts me for details. Ultimately they can leave home so there has to be some relaxation.

Depend on your DD, at 17 I had a
Part time job working until 10pm 4 nights a week and often popped to McDonald’s etc with colleagues after but I was always home by 11:30/12 and told my mother where I was. However if you’re the lift then o think play it by ear when she has plans say yes/no I can’t pick you up that late and either negotiate or tell her to find another way home but to be in by 11:30/12 etc

I have a DS that age and have had a DD in year 12 not that long ago!

1. Termtime don’t really go out in week, but it’d be around 10 if with others. In holidays if dh and I are working, then 11ish for pick up.
2. Don’t really have one but I expected to be informed of movements. If I or dh have to pick up then it’s around midnight. It’s more parties at houses and occasionally the park (no beach!). Uber helps a lot with this.
3. They don’t really do this. If they sleep over I tend to know the parents - doesn’t guarantee they’re going to behave though.

The main thing is being informed of whereabouts and if they need a lift to let us know in good time.

I've struggled with the same thing since restrictions have lifted and come to a solution that weekends are free, she works one afternoon till early evening and if she's out after I need to know if she's staying out or coming home, where she is at 11pm before I go to bed so I have an idea if she's still in tbe sports club or back at friends and touch base again first thing in the morning. Week days she's either working or home revising. In summer I guess a compromise will be home in week day evenings at 11 so as not to disturb those of us that have work etc, and she'll likely have extra shifts herself.

@Christmasfairy2020

Put it on aibu u prob get a lot of response. I'd say 9 in week 10 weekend

But most will be from people saying "my DC is only 3, but when she is 17, I'm planning to do this ..."

My answers

1. 10.30
2. 11 if they are literally in the park. If they are at someone's house also 11 if they want a lift home, otherwise just want to know when they will be back.
3. I expect to know the address of where they are, but that's about it. I do know quite a few friends' parents as they've been friends for a while.