DD Inappropriate blogging

[Domino1]

Hi. DD who is 14 is writing a fantasy story on the social media site Tumblr - under a theme of something called "whump". My gist is whump is about punishment, subtle emotional abuse, torture & maybe rescue? I'm sure I've got some bits wrong. My DD is struggling mentally & emotionally anyway & we've just started seeing a therapist. She is connecting to other people online who are into this too - most older I'd guess. It all seems very creative - they are properly writing their novels etc & the posts & tone is a upportive - full on writing chapters, sharing character queries etc but obviously in an subject I don't want her part of. I had asked her to stop & she said she had but have checked again (I monitor thru Qustodio) & looked on laptop today & she hasn't. Do I block/ban/take away devices or...? Don't want to alienate her or send her underground somewhere I don't know to watch. . Feel like I know the right thing in many ways but anxious about the back fire & taking away the Only thing she shows any interest in & leaving her with no outlet. Anyone gone thru the same or similar? Feel rubbish.

I have a 14 yr old DD too.
Depending on your relationship I would be honest with mine and explain your discomfort. Try to get an understanding of the appeal of this genre - is it helping her express some difficult feelings? Are you worried about the people she's interacting with?
It's such a challenging age for young people, they're not children any more and are getting more adult feelings and emotions but not quite there with the skills to deal with the adult world.

Yes feels like a minefield. Don't want to intrude on independence & privacy - although already done that🤦🏻‍♀️ - but feels wrong & with bad potential. She's virtually associating with people into this whumping & who wants their DD focusing on such subjects or in such company. I think I might ask her to pause aka block the site until I can figure out what is the best. Why do I feel every way will be damaging?!

From what you say, Domino, it sounds quite therapeutic. I think I might have liked something similar had it existed when I was a teenager. There's nothing quite as satisfying as being able to both express your inner self and use your imagination.

As long as your daughter isn't being encouraged to do anything dodgy, don't worry (but do keep an eye on things).

It won't last forever anyway.

Thanks for last message too. My sister actually said the same thing. Given me another perspective before I do the wading shutting down thing. I just wish she had some balance in her life & I didn't feel she was so vulnerable online. Will def keep monitoring.

I actually use tumblr to write and publish writing of a certain genre (not whumping though not actually sure what that is) but I do think that the main thing is that your daughter is honest on there that she is 14.

Tumblr is a mostly adult website, used by adults and those at least 16 plus but there are obviously younger people who use it anyways. The friends she may have on there may not be aware they’re doing anything wrong if they believe her to be adult 16 plus.

I do think writing is such a therapeutic way to explore and write your emotions, sort of like an online fictional diary. I’d be really hesitant to take away that outlet as she will then need to find another outlet for her emotions which could be a LOT worse.

Yeah, I'd just keep channels open - my view is if there's something your kid's into and you're not comfortable with it then try to understand it, talk to them about why they like it and be open with the aspects you're not comfortable with. That way you're not 'forbidding' it and maybe making it something they want to keep doing but away from you, and you're giving them a chance to say things like 'Yeah, I get it but it's just a fantasy thing, I wouldn't really want to do that/I wouldn't someone to do that to me etc'

I don’t really understand why you would want to stop or censor a creative outlet where she is exploring dark or troubling concepts in a supportive environment? Are you concerned that the other people are predatory or toxic, or something? If so, surely equipping her with tools to deal with that would be better than trying to stop her expressing herself through writing?

Yes, your dd will have had to pretend that she's 16+ to sign up to Tumblr. Now kids do that all the time of course but the other posters on there are probably assuming that she's of age to use the site.

My very vague understanding of whump is that they focus on the aftercare and caretaking side of it? I don't know much about it. Tumblr is one of the better places that she could be writing on tbh as compared to AO3 where anything goes. I'd just keep an eye on it and continue gently encouraging her to broaden her hobbies.

My very vague understanding of whump is that they focus on the aftercare and caretaking side of it?
My understanding too (again, very vauge). I’ve seen it described as almost a cathartic release writing about pain that you can’t express. Has your daughter gone through any sort of emotional turmoil, trauma etc? Is they reflected in her writing? I would do as others have suggested, talk to her openly about this, offer other outlets if she doesn’t want to talk to you (counselling possibly?) monitor her online activity but I don’t think it’s a worry in itself. I’d also look at creative writing classes or similar for her if she is getting a great deal of enjoyment from writing it could be an opportunity to foster an interest / passion.

Huge thanks to all & for stopping me wading in with my mum fears. Will do my best. Why can't they stick to unicorns?

I asked my DD what whump was about. After she'd got over the surprise of her ancient Mum having heard about it she described it very much as the above posters and said it wasn't something that she thought was particularly troubling or worrying. Thought that the feedback etc from others was beta reading before 'publishing'.

I agree with pp. This isn't something that is in itself worrying. It's very normal and indeed rather dorkily teenage, it's sort of another name for "hurt/comfort" which is basically writing stories about emotional bonding/caretaking after bad stuff. Most of the people writing it don't have any big dark trauma. It just seems to be a pretty universal emotional impulse to take your favourite characters, do bad things to them and then patch them up afterwards.

In itself, it's just a normal, creative teenage hobby. And while PP have valid points re: others assuming she is older than she is, you say yourself the community stuff you've seen is supportive and creative and character focused, which is pretty much universally my experience of these kinds of writing scenes.

All this particular hobby says about her is that she's a teenager who likes writing.

i would worry less about content, but more about platform itself. "Creative" platforms are full of creeps and pornography.

@CatsArePeople

i would worry less about content, but more about platform itself. "Creative" platforms are full of creeps and pornography.

Tumblr has actually calmed down a lot since the porn blog banning a few years ago - loads of people left after that, so it's a relatively small, calm platform now. They lost a shit ton of money over that saga (bought for over a billion, sold for 3 million) but looking at it now it's one of the better platforms for OPs dd, I think.