I posted in gransnet

[GreyhairedWorrier]

and got useful (though limited) replies, so I thought I'd try here too...

My 17 year old son told me few days ago that his 18 year old GF is pregnant and wants to keep the baby. Before we have the "he should have bagged it" comments, they've been a couple for quite a few months, and for most of that time he was "bagging it" - then a few weeks ago I mentioned to him that it was some time snce either his father or I had had to buy condoms for him, did he need anymore? And he said he didn't have to because she'd gone on the Pill. Mysteriously, she's now just about that many weeks gone...

I really don't want to be thinking that she's trapped him but could some teenage girls set my mind at ease? Please? Or mums of teenagers?

OMG hazygirl that's horrific, and I SWEAR I wouldn't and couldn't be like that... I really want to know how I can advance my relationship with my "kinda" DIL but I'm floundering.

I've heard (via my son) that she sleeps on a single mattress on the floor - I'm making no criticism because I've bought cheap furniture that lasts five minutes before, and often a mattress on the floor gives more support, but I'd like to offer (and can afford) to buy better. I'm not rolling in dosh but am better-off than her family and if my grandchild is going to live only with his/her mother I want to make that environment as good as I can, without upsetting her (or her mother) any.

OFFS, that just looks even more snotty.

I WANT to support her, and I don't want to offend her, and I think that offering practical support (eg, buggy, cot etc) is a good start, showing goodwill and all? But I also see how easily that could be construed as insulting....

needs to meet her mum

Or is that even more insulting? It's my son's GF that's having this baby, but she's planning on staying with her mum. She's an adult, but still depending on her mum? Who do I talk to?

Why don't you keep things very simple and just ask them both round for a cup of tea?

Then let them do the talking. You don't have to say anything, just be friendly. It would be useful to find out what they have in mind for the future as regards living arrangements, childcare etc.

I think you are over-thinking this a bit? I know it's natural to be worried but try to keep grounded in the present.

im so pleased that you are trying ,you will worship that baby and they will probably suprize you how brill young people are at coping,im sure they will be pleased you are offering to buy something nice,nothing breaks the air like a good shopping trip believe me nothing beats been a granny ,

Hmm, a cup of tea round mine would mean doing some housework....

I think I'll invite them out to lunch at a nice, neutral venue. DS, GF, GF's mum and me. And maybe DH too.

As long as it's not anywhere too formal?

But what's the real reason you don't want them in your house? Are you trying to keep your distance?

pmsl the real reason is genuinely that I'm terribly untidy, and ashamed of it.

I'm only here because I'm putting off washing up last night's dinner dishes, and you can hardly see the floor of my livingroom for newspapers, magazines and pet fur. The filth has to reach critical mass before I can face doing anything about it - just about there atm - and then it takes a couple of days of intensive slaving, because when I do housework, I really do it.

Oh well, better get started...

good luckx