First trip to the city 14

[Scarlettpixie]

My 14 yo is planning a trip to the nearest city with his 3 mates for one of their birthdays. They plan to do an activity, eat and shop all within the main shopping area.

They will get a bus for the 30 min journey and will be gone a few hours. This is the first time he has done anything like this and he and his friends have mostly been socialising online due to covid so have kind of missed out on the bit where they go into town first. All he has really done is go to a friends or to the local park/shops and has always had to touch base pretty often. I have always known where he is (and can check on find my iphone). Activities have always had a parent present but they haven’t really done anything much since 2019.

I am a worrier but have said he can go. He is very sensible and has travelled with me just not with friends.

What were/are your kids allowed to do at this age? What time do you let them out until and how much freedom do they have? Do you expect to always know where they are?

At that age (and younger) i was roaming all over (walks, bike rides) but he just hasn’t wanted to until now so it feels a big step.

My dd14 and a few friends often get the train into the next town (30mins) for a look at the shops, lunch etc. They generally leave when the shops shut. They’re very sophisticated in some ways. As long as she has a tracking app on her phone I’m fine, have got used to it.
The first time it is scary for you, but it’s good for them.

The next stage for me is weaning myself off ‘Find my Phone’, but that’s a year or two away

14 is fine for that. Do you have Life 360? I use that and then feel quite calm about things.

I have find my iphone which I think will do the same as Life 360. It usually pretty accurate. I will try not to spend all day on there!

12yo DC were allowed to go alone to the little bad city by selves, ideally with a phone (google maps). DD once phoned me for directions after she arrived, and that worked too. We had often done the same public transport to the city with them before hand. They were old hands at public transport.

DD's friends were not allowed to do same thing until yr10 or older . Literally listened to one mom moaning at length because her 15yo DD had walked 200m independently (8:30am, safe part of city centre) and hadn't texted mum to say she arrived safely to destination site by 10 minutes after drop off. Otherwise mostly freaked I think because the parents didn't understand the public transport situation themselves. We know some kids who went alone around city a lot younger if they were used to going to travelling to go to private schools on public transport long before that age.

my dc did it with friends in Y6. Nearest city is 40 minutes away on bus. They were fine.

DS2 went to London with a friend at 14. That felt a bit unnerving as it was far more of an unknown for him, but it was fine.

Dd is 11 and I'd happily allow this with tracking etc. Can't imagine questioning it at 14 however we do already live in a city so she absolutely knows her way around and knows the busses even though we've not used one since the start of covid

Dd 12 has done this....all was good.

From age 12 getting the bus or train into nearest small city and then into Manchester (2 trains taking 90 minutes) from about 14.

A trip like that with friends I think DD was y8. Now y10 she gets the train / tube around London - we are about 1.5 hours away.

Her DS has SN and is 14 and he only does the 5 min walk to school and back or the 50 metre walk to shop and back but he loses everything, has no desire to and won't speak to a lot of people or use a phone. He'ld need a sign like Paddington Bear on him if lost pls return to Silkiecats.

My daughter at 14 was going into London on a 30 minute train journey. I think it depends on the child, their friends and how much they've done and been shown before when with you.

TBH Covid is the only thing that's stopped this happening at a younger age. I'd say that sounds like a very standard outing for secondary school age children (so from 11/12). At 14 I wouldn't even have blinked.

If you're worried I'd maybe send a text part way through the day saying something like "Hi, hope you're having fun!" Do not make it obviously a checking up on them text!!

I'd really suggest NOT tracking him as well. Do people really do that with teenagers?

Hi everyone, he went and all was fine. They had a good time. I did track him on and off just to see they had got there, were still there and when they were coming home but he doesn’t mind at all as at the moment he isn’t up to no good

Good news it all went well. Hopefully you can be more relaxed next time :)