Feeling rejected over sons birthday

[Purplekitkat]

Feeling rejected and hurt. My friend has 2 children, 1 of which is only weeks older than mine. We always have marked their birthdays and Christmas. I even create Easter hampers for each of her children. On her eldests birthday I took round a gift, gave best wishes but didn't overstay as they had grandparents arriving. Yet on my child birthday, she sent a message on face book and that's it.

Feel hurt, she knows that only child, no cousins and quite isolated.
I don't understand why ignore my child's birthday. Am I being over sensitive?

What age is your DC?

13 years old. we have been friends for years

When was the birthday? Any chance she just hasn't had chance to visit?

Birthday was 3 weeks ago, they live 5 minutes walk away.
I wouldn't have felt so bad but she hasn't even messaged me directly, even if only to say, really busy or forgot.

She didn't ignore the birthday - she sent you a message.

Maybe she's got a lot going on in her life at the moment and it slipped to the back of her mind?

At 13 maybe she is expecting her child to start overtaking the giving of presents / a card if he wants to. It's getting a bit old for the parent to still be doing the gift-giving etc.

I understand what saying but then why not say as much. Her youngest is 10 in 4 weeks, already have gift and wouldn't begrudge them but feel it will be awkward as feel my child is rejected.

As it is a friend not family, maybe she is going to stop presents etc when they reach 13. I have a number of friends where we used to give presents for birthday and Christmas to their DC when little but stopped around that age

Does she have money problems?

Yes, I did that for another friend but we spoke about it first but still sent cards.
Just get feeling I'm the mug doing double for her kids and my child ignored. I don't begrudge them, I love giving them.
As I said we are a very small family, so there were a grand total of 6 cards for birthday, not just me who felt rejected.

Maybe the issue is over the years more & more friends have kids so what what started as giving to a couple of children becomes a crazy number and so expensive especially at Christmas, then they have all their school friends as well. I’d be thankful op that’s two more off your list.

@Purplekitkat

Feeling rejected and hurt. My friend has 2 children, 1 of which is only weeks older than mine. We always have marked their birthdays and Christmas. I even create Easter hampers for each of her children. On her eldests birthday I took round a gift, gave best wishes but didn't overstay as they had grandparents arriving. Yet on my child birthday, she sent a message on face book and that's it. Feel hurt, she knows that only child, no cousins and quite isolated. I don't understand why ignore my child's birthday. Am I being over sensitive?

Yes I think you are OP. I would tone it down and not worry too much about it. Buying presents in this way can become a chore for people.

Your friend should have done more this year (as you had already bought for her child) and then had a conversation about stopping it all next year. Is your son friends with hers or is it just the 2 mums? At 13 they are very much their own person and a good time for this sort of 'present giving by mums' to stop. My GS is the same age and he only receives a handful of cards but is not bothered as he knows those people all love him. Perhaps it is time to stop with this mum (and Easter hampers are OTT if not family tbh) but she handled it badly.

You don't give a gift to receive one OP, and bear in mind that her view of your families' friendship may not be the same as yours.

Are your children friends or is it more you two who are friends? Have the dynamics between the kids changed? Do you normally have a party and invite her child? Did you not this year?

There aren't many friends kids I buy for if I'm/my child's not invited to the party.

Some people just don’t place that same importance on gift giving on birthdays. I personally find the mutual obligation of gift giving very stressful and the same at Christmas.

Creating Easter hampers would also be a nightmare for me as then it creates the societal obligation for me to gift back and I just don’t want to go down that route outside of family.

Martin Lewis has a really good guide on it.

Not over-sensitive, but perhaps a sign that she doesn’t want/feel able to continue with the gift giving. I agree that she could have said something, but you could take this as a bit of a cue to change things from now on.
I’d also consider saying something directly to her at some point - not ‘why did you ignore my child’s birthday?’ but ‘do you want to carry on doing presents or shall we stop/just do Xmas/agree a set amount to spend?’ or whatever. Then it’s clearer.

@Purplekitkat

Yes, I did that for another friend but we spoke about it first but still sent cards. Just get feeling I'm the mug doing double for her kids and my child ignored. I don't begrudge them, I love giving them. As I said we are a very small family, so there were a grand total of 6 cards for birthday, not just me who felt rejected.

6 cards doesn't seem like that few to me?!