Working while teenager at home

[Rosebud2005]

Would you be happy to leave your 15 yr old to go to work? Coming up to the holidays, I’ve been thinking about taking up shifts at my nhs job as I haven’t had the chance to for the last year. It’s bank work so not necessarily urgent I go in. Dh does work from home these days but will have to start going into the office at times again. Ds is quite capable around making himself food etc but would you leave them for work at that age?

@allthegoodusernameshavegone

At 15 definitely, don’t they have holiday jobs at that age anyway?

Holiday jobs for 15 year olds are very rare due to the restrictions on the type of work they can do and the hours they are allowed to work. My dd did a few weeks volunteering at the local library at that age, but could not find any paid work.

I wouldn;t let my 15 year old go from Stoke to London but I did let them go from Stoke to Chester or Birmingham.

I’ve already said I don’t doubt his abilities. It’s a question among parents just to get thoughts

At 15 yes I would. We live in London and at that age he was travelling across London with friends.

Things like this are usually built up so you know they can manage. Is that an option for you ?

My rule on travel was that they couldn't go further than I could reasonably drive to in the event of trains/buses etc being cancelled.

I am usually one of the quickest to say - of course why wouldn't you?

But I do think that it is quite lonely for a 15 year old to be alone every day, so I would probably stagger the shifts I took a bit.

There is also the issue of how much you trust him not to have a load of friends round to your house.

As to trains. Mine travel 30 minutes on train to school, so I have never worried about them heading off to the town at the end of the line, another 30 minutes further, to meet a friend who lives there and go and hang out.

I understand your anxiety. It's different leaving them for a whole day, day after day, and when, depending on the nature of your work, it can be difficult to stay in touch/ be easily contactable.
I think at 15, providing he was with a 'suitable' friend, I would be happy to leave him to go to work. It might just take you a while to get used to the idea, and to see over time that he manages well enough. Then you will be able to relax. It can be worrying to extend boundaries/ allow new things- but, from what you say, I think it would be fine to allow him days out further afield. Talk through different scenarios, think about some practical issues- make sure he keeps his phone charged or takes a power pack, he should memorise both his parents' mobile numbers in case he loses his phone etc. Just general planning.

@Comefromaway

My rule on travel was that they couldn't go further than I could reasonably drive to in the event of trains/buses etc being cancelled.

This is exactly my point. Our son would wouldn’t think twice about just asking you to come get him even though it’s an hours train journey away. Longer in the car. He has no concept of distance or other thinking of problems that may occur meaning we couldn’t. I myself am disabled so it would be husband who would do it anyway

I implemented the rule after dh and ds went to London to watch a football match and an incident on the tracks meant there were no trains coming in or out of Euston that evening. They finally got back at midnight instead of 7pm. An adult could just book a hotel for the night and sit it out.

Birmingham is acceptable because I know that they would only call for me to come get them in an emergency (it's about 90 mins by car) and I know several people who live there who would help out in an emergency.

My rule on travel was that they couldn't go further than I could reasonably drive to in the event of trains/buses etc being cancelled.

But seriously, how likely is it that they couldn't get back ? If a train is cancelled, and there isn't the same train an hour later, then they put on replacement bus services.

Our son would wouldn’t think twice about just asking you to come get him even though it’s an hours train journey away. Longer in the car. He has no concept of distance or other thinking of problems that may occur

.... but how do you thin he is going to learn if he never does these things ?
One of the greatest qualities you can teach dc as they are growing up is some resiliance. To learn that things don't go to plan at all times through life - nobody is immune from that. What we need to teach our dc is what to do when thing don't go according to plan, and then, that actually, life still works out okay even when bigger things don't go the way you hoped.

If you leap in every time something goes wrong, or, even worse don't give dc the opportunity to go out in the first place, how are they going to cope as adults ?

@BackforGood

My rule on travel was that they couldn't go further than I could reasonably drive to in the event of trains/buses etc being cancelled.

But seriously, how likely is it that they couldn't get back ? If a train is cancelled, and there isn't the same train an hour later, then they put on replacement bus services.

Our son would wouldn’t think twice about just asking you to come get him even though it’s an hours train journey away. Longer in the car. He has no concept of distance or other thinking of problems that may occur

.... but how do you thin he is going to learn if he never does these things ?
One of the greatest qualities you can teach dc as they are growing up is some resiliance. To learn that things don't go to plan at all times through life - nobody is immune from that. What we need to teach our dc is what to do when thing don't go according to plan, and then, that actually, life still works out okay even when bigger things don't go the way you hoped.

If you leap in every time something goes wrong, or, even worse don't give dc the opportunity to go out in the first place, how are they going to cope as adults ?

Haha. You have obviously never been at Euston Station during an incident. On the night dh and ds nearly got stuck a friend was stuck with her toddler at Euston for 6 hours. No sign of any replacement buses (which would have been a 5 hour journey. They were telling people to get hotels and be reimbursed.

Or the time we were stuck on a train due to a flooded track and were asked to get off and wade through flood water/make our own way home with the alternative being to sit on the empty train for 4 hour when it finally limped to the next station and where there was a 2 hour wait for a coach.

True, but it is pretty unlikely OP's ds will be either.

Those circumstances are (fortunately) incredibly rare, but in a way, reiterate my point.
If you haven't learned how to deal with minor things going wrong, then you will go to pieces if you are ever caught up in something major.