Teenage girls with Inattentive ADHD

NalaF · 10/06/2021 11:44

Hi..... I have just read your post, I can't believe how similar it sounded for me!!!

''I've been so frustrated with my daughter's lack of organisation, untidiness, lack of focus etc - but I've just put it down to normal teenage behaviour as I don't have anything to compare it to. I feel mostly like a failure as a mum for not having a child who does her homework (she takes three hours to do something that should take 30 minutes - and lots of tears and frustration), loses things all the time, and seems so demotivated and unhappy.''

My Dh and I are lost with what to do for our dd at the moment. She has been exactly as above for some time, but recently (about 10 weeks) she started self harming, she has had a couple of panic attacks that I know of, and 3 weeks ago took an overdose. We are heartbroken about how she seems to feel and not having any answers 😢💔 is breaking me.
She started counselling recently, which I hope will start to help soon.I try to talk all the time and encourage her.... I do unfortunately get frustrated sometimes and an argument starts. I feel I'm banging my head against a brick wall most of the time.

Reading this, I hadn't thought about getting any other sort of diagnosis??!!
I think I may look into that further.
I'm sorry I don't have any answers for you but I hope you get some help... 🤞🏼

amihavinganervousbreakdown · 10/06/2021 11:46

We got a private diagnosis due to the gp not really taking it seriously and suggesting it could be technology, lack of sleep or diet!!
Once we had that the school made arrangements (passes to leave the class for a few minutes, break time in exams, teachers asking her to repeat the task back to ensure she knew what was expected of her as she would 'listen' but not take instructions in, sitting at the front of the class so there was less likelihood for distractions etc). It made a positive difference.
Once diagnosed she seemed more motivated as she felt that actually there wasn't something 'wrong' with her and realised she wasn't 'stupid' as people suggested, just her brain works differently to most peoples. The high levels of emotion are quite stressful though from a parental point of view ...

Original poster

californiadreamer · 10/06/2021 13:50

Thanks - that's good to hear that your daughter felt better after getting a diagnosis. It's so tough for girls - when they're labelled as lazy or disorganised and it's not their fault. I'm sorry you had such an inconsiderate GP though - this is my fear!

OP posts:

TenCornMaidens · 10/06/2021 13:53

My dd is somewhat similar in some ways but mainly extremely anxious... We've just had a sensory integration and praxis assessment which has shown that her various sensory issues mean her nervous system is overloaded and not regulating itself properly. So she can't concentrate or make a plan for how to approach homework because of these issues. Might be worth a look.

Original poster

californiadreamer · 10/06/2021 13:53

@NalaF

Hi..... I have just read your post, I can't believe how similar it sounded for me!!!

''I've been so frustrated with my daughter's lack of organisation, untidiness, lack of focus etc - but I've just put it down to normal teenage behaviour as I don't have anything to compare it to. I feel mostly like a failure as a mum for not having a child who does her homework (she takes three hours to do something that should take 30 minutes - and lots of tears and frustration), loses things all the time, and seems so demotivated and unhappy.''

My Dh and I are lost with what to do for our dd at the moment. She has been exactly as above for some time, but recently (about 10 weeks) she started self harming, she has had a couple of panic attacks that I know of, and 3 weeks ago took an overdose. We are heartbroken about how she seems to feel and not having any answers 😢💔 is breaking me.
She started counselling recently, which I hope will start to help soon.I try to talk all the time and encourage her.... I do unfortunately get frustrated sometimes and an argument starts. I feel I'm banging my head against a brick wall most of the time.

Reading this, I hadn't thought about getting any other sort of diagnosis??!!
I think I may look into that further.
I'm sorry I don't have any answers for you but I hope you get some help... 🤞🏼

I'm so sorry to hear how difficult it's been for you and your family. It must be so worrying and stressful for you all. It's worth investigating whether something else is going on in terms of something like ADHD.

It didn't even occur to me that it might be ADHD with my own daughter, but now I've looked into it it all makes sense. Of course we don't know yet - but I think it would feel like a relief to me to know there was an explanation. Good luck with it - take really good care of yourself through all of it. x

OP posts:

Rosebud2005 · 13/06/2021 01:44

Wow this is so my son! I literally just called the gp the other day asking how to do about testing for adhd as I’ve been going over all the symptoms for a good while, trying to make sure i get it and not having them think Im just a neurotic mother. She is getting us into the cahms list hopefully but as we know they take ages. He’s been seeing the school counsellor but said whenever he talks to her he just gets things off his chest at the time but then all the anxiety comes flooding back later on. His support teacher is the worst he’s ever had. She hasn’t listened to a word I’ve said about him so I’m hoping the go and our old social worker can get him some back up to get school support too

lakesummer · 13/06/2021 02:33

This is our DS. He has just finished a year of CBT and sensory integration which has really helped with anxiety and meltdowns.

He is able to take classroom breaks to refocus.

Procrastinating is still a large issue and we are considering medication on a part time basis.

We are trying to focus on things he likes enough to have some focus for and not worry about the other classes too much. He goes to a pretty academic school so gets enough pressure there.

It can be very hard and frustrating as parents though.

Mogloveseggs · 13/06/2021 19:18

This is my Dd. Finally after 3 years I've managed to get an assessment through camhs. It explains so much. Just frustrated that no one listened before.

theyoungones · 19/12/2021 01:15

My dd is doing GCSE's next year too & just referred to CAMHS via GP who seems to be taking my concerns about ADHD seriously (though whether CAMHS will is another matter!) I was diagnosed myself (privately) after looking into her dyslexic traits & realising I ticked all the boxes except I could read & write fine. Then I read that the organisational difficulties overlap with ADHD & was mortified to discover I ticked all the (inattentive) boxes. I've come to terms with it now but really struggling to know how to handle my daughter who is becoming increasingly detached from us and won't accept help despite struggling with organisation, motivation, time management and now possible depression. She's infuriating and only interested in friends who aren't always the best influence. The run up to Xmas with added COVID concerns is proving especially difficult & I ended up losing my rag with her today as she was constantly moaning, griping at her younger sister who was just trying to be positive & doing nothing to help herself. Not sure what the point of my posting is except to say you're not alone. School haven't been great with her but they're now trying to be more supportive after finding out she'd been stockpiling pills & having suicidal thoughts. PM me if you want to chat as I'm not very active on here. I am just reading ' how not to murder your adhd kid' which is a revelation! Hope you get sorted.

blueshoes · 19/12/2021 01:49

My dd has similar traits but we left it too late. She was 17 by the time a developmental paediatrician happened to see her (in the course of a hearing investigation - we wanted her hearing checked because she wasn't responding to instructions).

although dd did manage to get 8 sessions of CBT to manage her anxiety, she fell out of the Children & Young Persons' system after she turned 18 before she could get help from CAMHS. Dd is now considered an adult.

Basically CAMHS is so overstretched with children suffering in covid times that my dd did not get a look in. We don't have a diagnosis or know what the issue is with dd, if there is one.

Rachie20 · 19/12/2021 07:58

DD was privately diagnosed this year at 20. Odd concerns were raised by school through the years but because she was happy and a high achiever we didn’t worry too much. More embarrassing, she just reminded me of me and I put the untidiness and poor organisation down to not having it “disciplined” out of her. She really struggled when she got to university and was balancing coursework, a job and a social life completely independently.

She now has meds and other support and the anxiety that was starting has gone. The other support is a single named contact for university work, she checks in with them on her workload planning and so on. DD already had quite a lot of coping mechanisms but having someone (not me!) to remind her to use them and not overload herself has helped. The meds enable her to focus and DD has found those a huge help although there are some side effects such as not wanting to eat.

The waiting list for NHS consultation was something like 3 years in her university city so if you can afford to pay to speed things up I’d recommend doing so. I feel incredibly guilty that it took her becoming miserable for me to follow it up.

JustJustWhy · 19/12/2021 08:19

If you get nowhere with school and your GP, pay for a private QBT test to start the process off the other way around. If it comes back indicating ADHD then school will have to listen. If not then you save yourself the long process with no end result.

blueshoes · 19/12/2021 14:10

We are worried because dd starts university in September and I don't know how she will cope without dh and I to 'organise' her and remind her of deadlines. At least in Sixth Form, the school keeps the parents updated on key dates like UCAS deadlines and exams. That won't happen once she is in uni. I am worried about dd not consistently reading or processing emails and messages on her school portal that it will all just fly by her.

Rachie20 and Justjustwhy, how did you arrange the private diagnosis and how much did that cost and how long did it take?

Rachie20, you also mentioned meds. What do the meds do? Was this single named contact at uni something you arranged with the uni directly?

JustJustWhy · 19/12/2021 14:18

Rachie20 and Justjustwhy, how did you arrange the private diagnosis and how much did that cost and how long did it take?

I booked directly through the ADHD Foundation. It cost me £200.

blueshoes · 19/12/2021 15:18

JustJustWhy, did you use the QBT Test to then go through the school diagnosis. Did it help?

My dd is 18 and going to uni and I am not sure what is the next step for her after getting a QBT test.

JustJustWhy · 19/12/2021 15:57

I don't know what the process is at 18. The usual process is to be issued 3 Connor's forms (one for school, one for the child, one for the parent) and these are then assessed. Then if ADHD is indicated (and it must be on all forms) then a QB test is organised. There is usually a long wait for this but free on the NHS. The results from that are instantaneous.

Rachie20 · 19/12/2021 18:10

We did it through a word of mouth recommendation in DD’s university city. Was quite a bit more than £200 and involved several hours of assessment including interviews with me and DH. She was also screened for autism (never on the radar but DH on spectrum) which probably made it more expensive/involved. We didn’t involve university until we had the diagnosis. Any university Student Services team should be able to help but it’s a lot to organise and deal with whilst a new first year is settling in.

DD takes vyvanase but there are a range of drugs that act in different ways. She finds she is now able to focus on task for sustained periods. It’s also made us all a lot happier about her driving long distances.

Rachie20 · 19/12/2021 18:11

Sorry, the various meetings and assessments were done within a week and had diagnosis no prescription the week after. University had things in place within 3 days of her “booking in” appointment but had to wait quite a while for that.

blueshoes · 19/12/2021 19:24

Thank you, Rachie20 and Justjustwhy. That is very helpful.

I looked up the website of the university in London which Dd is likely to attend. The website says the uni can provide help and advice on getting full assessments for neurodiversities and other support. I am hoping they will have the names of the specialists that we could use.

I also checked out the ADHD Foundation £250 initial screening service, which is either a QbTest done at their HQ in Liverpool or QbCheck done at home. In case it is useful for others, here is the link
adhdfoundation.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/18-60-compressed.pdf

WorkingMumD · 14/02/2022 04:01

Hi, we had a really difficult time with my daughter, she went from perfect child at primary (now I find out this is known as masking) to a girl constantly in trouble at school for not listening, her grades collapsed, she became depressed, had panic attacks, her room was a car crash. Her attitude awful as we became more & more concerned & bewildered. She struggled to pass 3 GCSEs. (She was predicted to get straight 7s at primary) She also got in with a bunch of no hoper friends. Fags, pot, drinking. And yes I lost my cool more than once. She had counselling. I had parent coaching. We had been told she had dyslexia so we thought that was it, until recently I read about a women with ADHD & it clicked. We got a professional (and expensive) private diagnosis and she was off the scale. Initially she was upset that there was ‘another thing wrong with her’ but we are now looking to get meds via CAMHs to give her some help to focus and she is hopeful. It’s been a really hard journey for both of us. I feel very very sorry for her. I wish I had realised earlier. If your child is suddenly ‘not engaging’ at school and imploding, read around, get her checked. Girls’ ADHD isn’t the same as boys. Things are starting to improve. She’s starting to find her way. But it’s been tough. Don’t ignore it and if this is resonating with you, good luck.