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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Do you ask your teens who they're meeting up with?

34 replies

stirling · 05/06/2021 12:50

On the whole Ds (15) will tell me when asked, but occasionally it's just a case of "I'm meeting up with friends" on the Broadway...

I feel embarrassed to probe further incase its a girl. Though I've told him a billion times that he can meet up with girls /have a girlfriend etc he's refusing to discuss that with me...

My concern is that if anything were to happen I wouldn't even know who he was with.

That said, he's nearly 16 and at some point I'm going to have to just quietly trust and accept that he's his own person....

Thank you

OP posts:

UserAtRandom · 05/06/2021 14:12

I always ask "which friends". TBH arrangements are often so fluid that he doesn't necessarily know how himself, but I like a rough idea of which group of friends, how many of them ... He has loads of friends who are girls, so he wouldn't have any problem telling me he was meeting a girl and then I'd be left to wonder if it was platonic or not.

WalkthisWayUK · 05/06/2021 14:15

Yes of course I always ask. However we have a close relationship where he likes telling me who his friends are, what they are like, what they are doing. So I approach it more like a conversation and he appreciates it as he can trust me and ask my advice if needed.

Sparklingbrook · 05/06/2021 14:19

I ask but I don't recognise the names of every single one of them. I might say 'who is going?' if they have an arrangement.
But generally (when they were younger teens) they would go to the park and meet up with whoever was around at the time.

Now they drive so tend to pick mates up or get picked up, that's a whole new ball game.

Mydarlingmyhamburger · 05/06/2021 14:20

I do because my kids are rubbish with their phones, and I want to know who I can phone to get hold of them if they run out of battery etc

BigSandyBalls2015 · 05/06/2021 14:24

Yes but only in a conversation type of way, not a grilling. When they were younger I needed more detail, if only to ensure they were keeping out of the way of the 'edgier' kids.

UKnowHowUsCatholicGirlsCanBe · 05/06/2021 14:26

@Mydarlingmyhamburger

I do because my kids are rubbish with their phones, and I want to know who I can phone to get hold of them if they run out of battery etc

You have your kids friends phone numbers?

PerditaCambellBlack · 05/06/2021 14:29

Yes I ask and expect to know broadly where they are and who they’re with. They’re not adults yet and they make silly decisions sometimes. I also have a lot of their friends numbers.

Sparklingbrook · 05/06/2021 14:30

I have never known the mobile numbers of my teens' friends. Some of their mothers maybe.
I think at 16 you have to let them get on with it really.

Knitwit101 · 05/06/2021 14:30

You have your kids friends phone numbers?

Ha, I just asked my 13 yr old to write down the phone number of the friend he's away out with this afternoon.

I don't routinely have their friends' numbers but I don't know this lad at all, they've only recently started hanging out together, and my boy is quite scatty with his phone.

I dont ask my 15yr old who he's meeting, I don't have his friends' numbers. But I have a fair idea of who they are and a fair idea of how to get in touch with their families if ds didn't come home.

notacooldad · 05/06/2021 14:32

I always asked ( still do and they are 21 and 24 but tbf they ask me who I'm meeting with as well)
It was never a grilling, just OK love, where are you off to tonight? Whose around?
It was always the same 4 kids though and usually within an hour they would be traipsing through my house!!😂
I miss those days!

notacooldad · 05/06/2021 14:34

You have your kids friends phone numbers?
I had a few of the friend's numbers. Can't remwhy i had them now.
I also had / have them as fb friends so I guess I could phone via messenger if needed! Never did though.

Kjr33 · 05/06/2021 14:35

I ask in a general chat kind of way..... also he often needs a lift so I have an idea of who he is with. Not sure how it’s going to work soon when he will be driving but I mostly force myself to trust him even though I’d prefer to keep him safe in the house

BigusBumus · 05/06/2021 14:36

I have a few of my sons friends numbers but it was really to do with my sons being able to contact me if their phones ran out.

UKnowHowUsCatholicGirlsCanBe · 05/06/2021 14:42

I would be uncomfortable with the idea that random adults I don't know have my child's phone number.

For me with my safeguarding training it's a red flag.

PerditaCambellBlack · 05/06/2021 14:49

Oh FGS its not a red flag for a parent to have a child’s friend’s phone number, don’t be ridiculous

GrandmasCat · 05/06/2021 14:54

I do, I also ask him where he is going and, at that age, to let me know if the plan changed and he was heading somewhere else.

In all honestly, the guy is always on a bike without a helmet (to my dismay and frustration), so I just ask so I know where to start looking for him if he doesn’t return at night.

blahblahblah321 · 05/06/2021 14:59

I ask DS1 (17), but only because I know them and like to ask how they are. I usually ask once he's back though, rather than who he's meeting

BigSandyBalls2015 · 05/06/2021 15:02

safeguarding .. it's not random adults, it's friends parents!!

I have quite a few friends numbers ... they've known them for years, since reception, now all late teens/early 20s.

Does anyone else find it weird getting used to their teens being out and about again. I know it's great and they desperately need to socialise again, obviously, but I'm so used to DD being at home, it's weird her going out again. She's not great at letting me know if she's not coming home, just a quick text would do, so I'm back to worrying where she is in the middle of the night, and wondering how much she's drunk.

The odd thing is, her sister is at uni and I don't think about what she's up to at all!!

PerditaCambellBlack · 05/06/2021 15:05

@BigSandyBalls2015

safeguarding

.. it's not random adults, it's friends parents!!

I have quite a few friends numbers ... they've known them for years, since reception, now all late teens/early 20s.

The odd thing is, her sister is at uni and I don't think about what she's up to at all!!

Yes, I find it weird them being out again, it’s taking some getting used to

Sparklingbrook · 05/06/2021 15:08

Yes, it is weird they're going out again. DS is off out out tonight.

TotorosCatBus · 05/06/2021 15:10

I ask out of interest rather than because I'm a responsible parent. Ime some of the group won't turn up or others might be invited last minute so it might not be an accurate list anyway.

LFQuery · 05/06/2021 15:11

I work with kids. I’ve done a load of safeguarding training. I also have some of my kid’s friends numbers. I don’t send them nude photos of myself. Most of the numbers I have of kid’s friends have been sent to me by their own mum in case of emergency. A couple have been when one of my kids has used a friend’s phone to call me to ask me to pick them up.

As for the OP. I always ask who my kids are meeting. Partly as I’m nosey but also as others have said, if they don’t come home when you expect then you can text one of the other mums to ask if they’ve seen your child, if theirs is back yet etc.

KaleSlayer · 05/06/2021 15:12

I ask, they give me an answer. They've never got in trouble and are sensible so I just leave it there. They know they have to text/call if their plans change or they’re going to be back later than they’ve said. They know they can talk to me about anything so they don’t need to hide anything, just be open. I know too much probably. 😬 Sometimes, inside I’m like 😮, but outside I’m 😎. I didn’t tell my mum anything so I’m glad they feel close enough to talk to me about things, even if I’m 😓 about some of it. Emojis are very useful sometimes. 😂

UncomfortableSilence · 05/06/2021 15:13

DD16 tends to just say who she is out with and where she is going, she's extremely chatty and open with us, I used to ask more when she was younger but at this age I feel I need to trust her enough to get on with it. She's incredibly social and is revelling in being out and about again, this morning she was out with a boy she's great mates with shopping and then they are having some lunch then she's meeting some girl friends to look up and down the local high streets to see if there's any summer jobs about.

I'm so happy they are able to do things again, it affected her so much being stuck indoors.

Oh and I have safeguarding training too and having their mates phone numbers is not an issue

Leftphalange · 05/06/2021 15:13

Yes I always ask. She has a few different groups of friends and I like to know who she is going with incase anything happens

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