Worried about ds17

[dontforgettofloss]

As the title says, I'm really worried about my 17 year old son, he's always had such a cheerful disposition, but the last few weeks I can tell something is bothering him.
I've asked him numerous times, and he said that nothings wrong, but I know it is, he's snappy, irritable and just looks sad.
He's always been a closed book, but as he's gotten older, he tells me hardly anything.
He's at college, and has friends, but rarely goes out and about, he suffered with anxiety a couple of years ago, so I thought maybe it was that, but he says it isn't.
I'm not sure what to do really, I've told him that I'm always here to listen if he wants to chat.
I have two other teens- a daughter age 19, and another son aged 14, and I can truly say that parenting teenagers has been the hardest bit of being a parent, I never know the right thing to do.
Please someone advise me, do I just leave him alone now?

You could try taking him somewhere in the car and see if he shares anything with you. Just talk generally about things - not that you are worried. Ask him questions about his interests and then see if he shares anything with you.

I second the car thing its absolutely amazing how much more I get out of DS14 in the car than at any other time. Its because you can't look at them while you are driving.

I was out in the car with him yesterday taking him to his friends house, and tried to start a conversation, but he wasn't giving anything away. I guess I could try again, I think he's getting annoyed with me asking if he's ok.
Thank you for your replies

You could try writing a note? When I have felt unable to get through to mine I have done this and I know they have read them and thought about them. It gives you the chance to say you are concerned and tell him you care without him cutting you off or not listening. He can read it when he likes and he might give what you are saying more thought if he doesn't feel compelled to respond there and then.

Having 3 teens myself I feel your pain. It's so hard. I'm enjoying a lull at the moment with none of them worrying me too much this week!

@Flippinfab40

You could try writing a note? When I have felt unable to get through to mine I have done this and I know they have read them and thought about them. It gives you the chance to say you are concerned and tell him you care without him cutting you off or not listening. He can read it when he likes and he might give what you are saying more thought if he doesn't feel compelled to respond there and then.

Having 3 teens myself I feel your pain. It's so hard. I'm enjoying a lull at the moment with none of them worrying me too much this week!

Thank you, a note is a good idea, or maybe a text. I honestly thought having teens would be easier, but it isn't, when they were little I could help them a lot more with problems- if someone was picking on them at school I could just go and speak to their teacher, if they were worried about anything I could reassure them, but now they're becoming young adults, they don't always want to tell me, I guess they have to grow and get older and deal with problems themselves, but I so want to help.

What about going hardcore?
"I know somethings wrong, I just don't know what it is."

Ask him:
"What's the worst that could happen? You're .... gay, trans, killed someone.... name-the-worst-you-can-think-of"?

@Oblomov21

What about going hardcore? "I know somethings wrong, I just don't know what it is."

Ask him:
"What's the worst that could happen? You're .... gay, trans, killed someone.... name-the-worst-you-can-think-of"?

I could try that, he knows I'm open minded and would support him.

Offer him someone else to speak to if he doesn't want to speak to you? A man? Counsellor? Helpline? GP? Teacher?