Teenage DD causing trouble with me and DH

[SilentTerror]

Just wondered whether anyone could give me their perspective on this.
DD passed her driving test a week or so ago.
We have 3 cars,one of which is DH's 'toy' or sports car.
DD has borrowed the smaller of the other cars every night since she passed her test,admittedly putting her own petrol in but returning it smelling of cigarette smoke which drives us both mad.Last night she was asked to return the car home after finishing her bar job,before going out in town with friends.She failed to do this,staying out with the car until 2 am.
Tonight DH refused to let her borrow the car which caused her to have a huge tantrum and start crying,saying he was 'messing with her head' and was 'mad'.She has now packed a bag and gone to stay with friends,with whom I know she smokes Cannabis and God knows what else.
DH and I have now rowed as I blame him,not for refusing use of the car particularly but in his general attitude towards her.She has been a handful in many ways but he has a consistently negative attitude towards her which I think makes her worse.
Unfortunately some of his attitude is justified,not least because she owes him a few hundred pounds for a holiday in the summer which she has never repaid.
Writing this I think I know the answer myself,but would love some advice!

How old is she?

how old is she? i am presuming "bar job" means over 18?

i think she should respect the fact that she is being allowed to use someone elses car - and not take the piss. ofcourse a car seems a sensible option - you know she is home save and you dont have to pick her up from work - excellent! but if she stays out until 2am you have got to wonder whether she is being responsible enough not to drink - this would worry me no end -so i think the presmis of the rules is right. perhaps the way in which they were delivered to her in an argument wasn't helpful - i dont know how you will get her back home - but i daresay finances will have a huge part to play becuase friends are only friends as long as your payng your own way - and drugs and drink as well as living expenses are perhaps beyond the means of a simple bar job! good luck xx

Sorry ,yes she is 18.Unfortunately she blotted her copy book with Dh when she held a party in our house when we were away and an expensive item of his 'went missing'.
She showed very little remorse,even when the police were involved,refusing to 'grass' on her friends.

Let her go. I learned that all the begging and pleading in the world won't bring them home. You just make yourself miserable. At 18 they seem to need some massive drama thing to make the jump to independence. I can see this now, despite not seeing at the time (DD is now 21).

Feeling calmer now! Unfortunately I can see both sides to an extent; she has always pushed the boundaries but DH can't understand that sometimes she needs praise not punishment.I have given in to her too much over the years also.
The problem is whatever she gets is not enough,she is never satisfied and always goes one step too far.