Teenager stealing from local shop?

[CloverHilla]

My neighbour has told me that she has seen my 15yr old son in the local shop & it looked like him and his friends were stealing sweets. I'm absolutely devastated!
He has started hanging around with some new friends recently and I don't know them too well- but I'm not to happy with some of his behaviour since.

Please help me try to figure out how to deal with this before he comes home from school - at the moment I want to ground him for the rest of his life!! I know it'll end up in a fight, so I want to try remain as calm as possible while also letting him know it's completely unacceptable.

Perhaps start by listening to his side of the story first?

A neighbour has told you "it looks like" he was stealing and you've automatically assumed that he was.

Fair point User. I think I was so in shock that I'm imaging the worst.

Back in the day, a local shop reported that two children in the uniform of our primary school had been seen stealing sweets but had run away.

The headteacher did an assembly on not stealing, being honest and telling the truth, and called on whoever it was to come to his office at break to own up.

At break time the queue was down the corridor and out into the playground.
It was apparently perfectly routine among the top class kids - otherwise nice, apparently law abiding children - to help themselves to a couple of handfuls of sweets whenever they were in the shop.

A massive wake up call to us all.

As far as I know, all those juvenile shoplifters turned from their potential life of crime after this.

If he has done wrong, he needs to accept the consequences, recognise the potential impact on his victims, recognise the potential impact on his own future and turn over a new leaf.

@UserAtRandom

Perhaps start by listening to his side of the story first?

A neighbour has told you "it looks like" he was stealing and you've automatically assumed that he was.

The problem is, IF he was stealing (or considering it), he is unlikely to fess up. I know I wouldn't have at 15!

Have a chat, tell him what the neighbour suspects and you aren't interested in whether it is true or not. Have a chat about how, rightly or wrongly, his age group are watched carefully in shops because a large number do steal, and he needs to make sure he doesn't mess about in shops and attract unwanted attention. Go in buy what you need and leave, stay away from friends that do steal as he will be tarred with the same brush.

Explain to him he is now 15 and it is expected he knows right from wrong, he could be detained by the shop security/owner and (this is in Scotland, not sure what can happen in England) could get a caution from the police and the consequences of that.

Talk to him about if he would feel ashamed if his parents, school, teachers (name a teacher he really likes), grandparents etc all knew he was a thief and liar. How his integrity is priceless, easily lost and difficult to recover. And if he is mature enough he'll know it is not worth losing it for a couple of £s worth of sweets.

Yes, as WeAllHaveWings has said. A 14 years old was caught shoplifting years ago when I worked in a shop. Security guard called her parents. Local police turned up. Gave her the fright of her life - but took it no further, the goods hadn’t left the shop so the shop was happy with that. It was the classic case of being egged on by ‘friends’ she wanted to impress who all left her when she was caught.
Mum was in tears which had a big impact on her clearly. I’ve always hoped she dumped the vile friends and never did it again.

The problem is, IF he was stealing (or considering it), he is unlikely to fess up. I know I wouldn't have at 15!

Well no, but I think going in with the mentality that he must have been stealing is counter productive. Starting with "the neighbour saw you in the shop and she said she thought you might be shop lifting - I wondered what you were doing" is likely to enable a more open discussion than going straight to ballistic.

I was a teenage shoplifter. The knowledge that someone had seen me was enough to make me stop.

Thanks so for your insight and input.
So we had a chat with him that evening and he did come straight out and admit it. It was the typical teenage peer pressure scenario- egged on & not wanting to look "uncool" (or whatever the word is these days!) I'm glad he fessed up, it is his way of showing remorse- unusually he would deny, deny, deny.
He does realise it's wrong and says it won't happen again, so hopefully it won't!
We live in a small village so if he is seen doing it ever again, I've no doubt I'll find out!