Teenage heartbreak

[Menora]

I am very close to my DD16 so I feel that she is comfortable talking to me about her feelings, sometimes this is on text but she will talk to me face to face too.

Her boyfriend of 2 years broke up with her very suddenly last week and it is now clear he was seeing another girl and they are now trapped in school together all day. The boy isn’t really saying much to DD, and she’s trying to keep her dignity by staying calm. But the new girlfriend (a year older) is not behaving nicely towards DD (think it’s insecurity of the girl) as she is going out of her way to rub DD’s face in the new relationship and it’s so spiteful. DD is a fairly mature quiet placid person with only 2 friends, she doesn’t like confrontation and she isn’t that confident socially.

One of the reasons the boy said he broke up with her is that she started speaking up to him and his mates for making childish homophobic jokes and apparently ‘she doesn’t understand his sense of humour’

I am heartbroken at seeing her getting her heartbroken and wish I could just do something to make her feel better. I am so worried that this is going to affect her A Levels and I have reached out to a teacher she knows well (DD is aware) for support.

Does anyone have any other advice on things I could do for her to build up her confidence and self esteem? She isn’t eating much so I am keeping an eye on that too

She is too good for him if he is making jokes about homophobic,
She will meet someone more suitable
The Alevels are all cancelled in my area so teachers will already know how she performs.
Take her out girl day cinema if open

Aw, bless her OP. I have a 17 year old dd too and it’s so hard to step back when they go through heartache. It sounds like she is a very sensible girl who has had a lucky escape. It won’t feel like that for her at the minute of course! The best piece of advice I would give her would be to walk away from the situation with dignity. If she already hasn’t, she should delete all his social media and completely ignore him and the new girl. Any attempts that this girl makes to rub it in your daughter’s face should be completely ignored. One of the best pieces of advice given to me on Mumsnet is that people tend to leave relationships the way they started, so your dds ex boyfriend will definitely cheat on this new girl in due course.

In terms of things to do to boost her self-esteem, can you do the usually girlie treat things, e.g afternoon tea together and encourage her to do things socially with her friends. If the weather is nice next week, could your dd and friends have a picnic/ go to the beach? Has she got a job? My dd had a big fall out with her school friends, but since starting college and acquiring a part-time waitressing job, she has developed interests and friendships away from her old clique.

When my dd split up with her boyfriend, I didn’t over talk or over analyse the situation and whilst showing empathy, tried to keep things rationale and not be upset myself. I constantly talked about things she had to look foward to and made her think about future fun plans, eg an upcoming trip away or going on a shopping trip.

You should be proud that your DD challenged homophobic so-called jokes.

Reminder she's done herself proud. Bigoted men often grow up into nasty ones. She's well rid. I well remember the pain though, never known anything like the pain of first heartbreak. Remind her it fades and she needs to try and ignore them.

She sounds like such a strong, assured young woman. You must be so proud. I would be tempted to take her out for a proper treat day. Get her hair done, a new outfit, some new pyjamas, snacks and a movie of her choice. And spend the day just laughing, crying, talking, whatever she needs. I'm sure you already have, but please tell her what an amazing person she is.

Glad she is rid of the little cretin OP, there is a sunny side to this situation, it just might take a month or so for her to get there with your support. 🌸

Thanks for your advice it is much appreciated. I am housebound for a few weeks which adds to making it harder to distract her
She’s gone to a friends this weekend so I hope that helps take her mind off it. I also bought her a bracelet to replace some of the jewellery she is returning to him.
She was still on the fence about him (hoping he would change his mind) but thankfully yes she’s starting to see he’s an immature cretin. She used to feel really frustrated at all the excuses why those jokes were acceptable. I think she also blames his friends for a lot of things that he does, but turns out his friends actually are on DD’s side about how badly he’s treated her so I think she is going through that horrible stage questioning if she ever really knew him

Onward and upwards OP ... that was a lovely gesture buying her a bracelet .. she will cherish it 🌸💕