Pretty sure my 17 year old has ADHD..

[Wordsmith]

I'm fairly sure my 17 year old son has ADHD. The signs have been there since primary school but teachers never really took it seriously. He's now 17 and at FE College hand having real difficulty focusing and dealing with the work. But because he doesn't have a formal diagnosis there's no real support. Getting a diagnosis will take ages but I just want to read up about it first. Does anyone know any good books to read about parenting a teen with ADHD?

i understand that adults with ADHD dont often take medication

DD takes medication to help her with her work (which requires accuracy and getting it right). She says she can see her silly mistakes without it. Her boyfriend can tell, if she's not taken it.

A diagnosis as an adult gave her a shedload of help at university. It also gave her an explanation why she is the way she is.

@brittleheadgirl yes please 😀

TO whoever asked re private and will NHS take on cost, we are hoping that the NHS through our local GP will take on the prescribing. The private practitioner we use has other clients in different areas where they do shared care ie they do the medication review and the NHS GP gives the prescription. However so far our GP practice has refused to do that without him being seen by CAHMS. I should probably take that further with them as the private place is fully qualified to assess and prescribe by the relevant authority, but due to pressure on GPs re COVID etc have just left it for the moment. SO basically we have to pay cost of prescription £20, cost of mediation from chemist around £35 per month and a 6 monthly medication review of £80. Have done that for just over a year and who knows how long till son seen at CAHMS.

My gp took over prescriptions once the dosage was correct without any issues (for both me and my adult son) and the private clinic just do the annual checks

Thank you - it was me asking about the costs. I could afford that for a year or so just not forever! I haven't been given a time for CAHMs to assess him so think private might be the answer, we are entering exam years now

Update:

As @baaaaal suggested I asked for a referral from the GP via Right To Choose to Psychiatry UK. We've just received the response from PUK which asks him (and me) to fill in some more forms online. However one slightly worrying point is that it says in their letter that appointments are not available until mid-2022 😱

I'll fill in the forms but if that's the case we're definitely going to have to fork out for private diagnosis. This is such an important year for him. I really fear for his MH if it doesn't get sorted sooner.

Thanks everyone for your comments/suggestions.

That's really interesting, that's not a good wait time is it when you're looking at a teenager, each year moves them forward so much or leaves them standing still.
I'm waiting till we're back to school to ask them about private diagnosis - I'm thinking maybe they have dealt with one in the past or take one more seriously than another. I don't want to spend the money on something not worth the paper it's written on. Good luck OP

@Uptheduffy

That's really interesting, that's not a good wait time is it when you're looking at a teenager, each year moves them forward so much or leaves them standing still. I'm waiting till we're back to school to ask them about private diagnosis - I'm thinking maybe they have dealt with one in the past or take one more seriously than another. I don't want to spend the money on something not worth the paper it's written on. Good luck OP

Thanks. Yeah the reason we went this route is because we thought it would be quicker. But there's no way he's waiting till 2022 for an initial appointment. He's in his final year at FE college, he's just failed his maths GCSE for the third time (although thanks to online learning he's never even met the maths resit teacher). But of course he has to pass his maths GCSE to do anything to further a paramedic career.

We filled in the forms yesterday and will wait to see what response we get but if nothing in the next couple of weeks I'm gonna check out a private psychiatrist. Next year's holiday may have to go to pay for it but some things just can't wait any longer.

I'm also going to set up a meeting with the course leader at college so they know exactly what's going on and what we're trying to do.

I feel I've failed as a parent letting it get this far when the clues have been there since primary school. His primary teachers knew there was something wrong but only seemed interested in providing the support to her him through the KS2 SATs. When I asked then about ADSD the SENCO laughed at me, practically. There was nothing on his notes to secondary school about any support he had been getting at primary. Yet he constantly referred himself to student support at secondary school. I'm afraid I get quite tearful when I think of how he's been failed by his parents and his teachers.

(Apologies for so many typos)

Thank you for sharing your journey Wordsmith. Your son sounds so much like mine and like you, I get very teary when I think that all these years have passed and I haven't pushed for any more support for him. He's about to start his first year at college and to be honest, I'm dreading it already. These last few months since school finished have been a bit of repsite from the constant battles about school work. He was always disaffected at school and online learning was just impossible for him, so his GCSE results are dismall to be honest. He blames everyone apart from himself - his teachers hate him, I don't understand him etc! I do think that the time has come for me to begin to look for some professional help for him and you have given me some great starting points.

My Son was diagnosed with ADHD at around 6/7 years old. It was such a long winded process that took about 4 years to diagnose. I tried him on different medication but they either did nothing or made him extremely drowsy. He was like a zombie and it was awful to see. I personally felt like I was drugging him. Not to say the same about anyone else it just didn’t work for him. I know a few people who have got on great with medication. Has anyone struggled with ODD? I think the 2 tend to go hand in hand but I sometimes find it incredibly hard to not bite. He’s extremely sensitive aswell. He doesn’t cry but gets annoyed or wound up very easily and I think this has become more difficult for him as he’s gotten older and started secondary school where the whole mentality of teenage boys is to make fun of each other and have a laugh. He really takes thigs to heart and falls out with people constantly. I worry he feels lonely or doesn’t belong sometimes. Does anyone’s child have food aversions aswell? Sorry for the long post! X

That sounds really stressful

I think my son has had ADHD since he was in primary school and I wish I'd had the courage of my convictions and challenged the SENCO who said she was sure he didn't. I don't think he exhibits symptoms of ODD but in terms of food issues, he is coeliac - but that's an autoimmune disease, not a behavioural trait.

Well, filled in all the forms on Psychiatry UK and got an initial assessment appointment date: May 2022 🙄

Checking out costs for going private.

Update: He's back at college and has got a completely full on schedule. 3 days in college on his course, half a day in college for maths GCSE resit lesson, 1 hour on a Thursday afternoon with a private tutor for his maths (he has GOT to pass it this time - he will implode if he doesn't - exam in November) plus one day a week on a placement that he has yet to arrange. And he's just got a weekend job in a cafe AND he's about to start driving lessons (no idea when we're going to fit those in).

Plus of course college assignments/homework.

This is a complete culture shock for him after a summer of doing not much at all and a year when most of his learning was online and he had at least 2 days with no lessons at all.

He had a bit of a meltdown last night because there's no sign of any classroom support for him this year yet even though college said they were on the case. I am chasing them.

I've finally had a response from a private psychiatrist and can get an initial appointment in November. £450 for the first appointment, plus £600 for ADHD assessment.

Currently trying to decide if we can beg, steal or borrow to afford this and get some movement.

I'm beginning to feel the stress of this myself. I'm self-employed and my income stream is really unstable at the moment, and my husband is a low earner.

Sorry, just needed to offload somewhere 😢

@WillBillHal how is your son getting on at college? Have you done anything about getting help?

So far he seems to be managing ok at college so far. Unfortunately his outbursts have been awful - to the point that his girlfriend has ended things with him. She came on holiday with us and saw him in action and has told him that she just can't be with him when he is so unpredictable and angry. He's heartbroken ( as am I as she was such a stable influence on him) and I just hope that it may make him realise that it's not just his family that find his behaviour awful. He's on a waiting list at college to speak to a counsellor about his anger and he's also had a call from CAHMS but their waiting list is 4 months! We're hanging on with the ADHD through college to see how things go on his new course once he's settled down. Sorry that things are so difficult for you Wordsmith.

That's rough, WillBillHal. CAHMS has always been a long process, I know people who have waited years for a diagnosis. I heard back from the private psychiatrist, she's only doing ONE day of face to face consultations, a Saturday when my son will be in London representing St John Ambulance at the Cenotaph for Remembrance Sunday. Obviously he's not going to miss that. I really can't bring myself to pay £450 for an online consultation. What is the wifi goes down, or something like that?

I'm just don't know what to do...

Hi OP I have ADHD and much of this really reminds me of me as a teenager. I now work in a really fast paced job where there are constant urgent deadlines - it is the only way I get anything done!

Sounds like being a paramedic will be great. Funnily enough I also failed and retook maths GCSE - would it be possible to get him some one to one tutoring in person for that? I can't imagine how dull it must be doing it online.

I was absolutely disastrous at anything that involved coursework - but got the top marks in exams, my brain just switched to top gear when under pressure - but I literally can't do things that are open ended my brain just can't focus.

Perhaps if he can understand that college is a short time, really really knuckle down the bits he finds boring - once he is an adult and in a job he loves he won't have to do the boring stuff (not so much anyway!)

OP get a GP referall straight away before 18.

Hi OP! I'm pretty sure my DS has ADHD as well. He's just started college, he's had signs since primary school but it was always brushed off and at secondary school I mentioned it again and they said they didn't think he does have it.

He's struggling a bit at college and he got a bit upset last night saying he hated it etc . He is under CAMHS for his mental health so I think I'll be calling them again tomorrow, although I did mention it a few years ago about his school refusal and they said they didn't think it was ADHD and diagnosed him with anxiety.

@Hamjamwich

OP get a GP referall straight away before 18.

Hi Hamjamwich, he's been referred by GP under Right To Choose as an adult. We have an online assessment via Psychiatry UK in May, unless something sooner comes up

@WillBillHal that's rough re the girlfriend. My son has a lovely girlfriend and I know she helps keep him on an even keel. Keep pushing with support in college. We didn't even start the process until last term, I wish we'd started sooner.

@Wondergirl that's exactly what I've said to him - it's just a hurdle he needs to jump over before he can start his 'real' life

He didn't get the chance even to do GCSE exams in 2020 thanks to Covid so I don't know if he'd excel at them, although as they need revision, I'm guessing not! Yes we have a tutor for this resit and his college maths catch up lessons are actually face to face this year so fingers crossed!

@stormende sounds like he's going through a tough time. Hope you manage to get it sorted soon.