Messy bedrooms - how do you manage this?

[swizzlestix]

My 13 year old daughter takes real pride in her appearance ( despite needing daily reminders to brush teeth!) but her bedroom
is an absolute disgrace which is a real trigger for me. As well as the usual clothes and wet towels on floor for days, I noticed chewing gum stuck to a couple of places which I have said is unacceptable. She has a bin, storage etc
Any tips would be welcome

If she can't respect her belongings she loses them. The clothes/towels on the floor I couldn't get worked up about, in our house if its not in the laundry basket it doesn't get washed they soon get the hang of it when they realise they have nothing to wear. The chewing gum, J would remove whatever it is stuck to as she is treating it like garbage. She sticks it to the desk, the desk gets removed etc. Bit more difficult if she is sticking it to the wall etc.

Mine wants lifts everywhere so I say I'll take you when your room is tidy.
You could also use screen time as a reward for a tidy room.
Start by helping her to sort it completely so it's all lovely. Then talk to her gently about how it makes you feel. Say from now on she needs to spend 15 mins a day, keeping it tidy.
So when she gets in from school, snack and drink then sort out bag and room before being allowed to do anything else.
Ask her why she doesn't put her gum in the bin, then address that. Is the bin you far away from the bef and is she just being lazy? Move the bin closer?

*bin too far away from the bed

I just closed the doors on their bedrooms. Told them where to find clean sheets and towels and left them to it. Eventually they grew up and tidied up. It was getting a girlfriend that changed my DS.

Same as @mdh2020 I don't make my kids clean their rooms. Both do it every now and then but I just insist they bring down glasses etc and dirty washing/sheets but the rest is their problem.

My room was atrocious as a teenager. My mum tried everything to make me keep it tidy in terms of behaviour management stuff. It didn't work.

I was diagnosed with ADHD as an adult and it makes a lot more sense!

I didn't need people to try modify my behaviour, carrot or stick was never going to have a significant affect. I needed someone to help me through the steps of tidying.

I still need help with it as a adult tbh! Not the actual tidying but either talking to someone to help me organise my thoughts and stay focused or having an accountability partner (I use a brilliant online community called Focus Mate for this, but that's only for adults).

I'm not suggesting your DD has ADHD, necessarily, there's not enough info here.

But just that this was a massive issue for me, but what I really needed was someone to take the time to do it with me at least once, to help me break it down into manageable tasks and guide me through what actually needed to be done. Carrot and stick and trying to make me do it on my own didn't work as I was clueless how to tackle it.

I have 3 and since first lockdown they have done a monthly big tidy up in bedrooms.
12yo ds done his this morning put on a wash of clothes he took out of bedroom.
16yo dd was up from 9am tidying hers
17yo dd keeps hers relatively tidy as bf comes over and his room is so tidy
But before lockdown I did them if they where really annoying me.
I wash what is in laundry basket if they leave in room and bring a big pile they put it and take out

Errr I generally tidy her room myself. She makes her bed. Your cleaning anyways so just clean it weekly

Close the door and don't look.

@Christmasfairy2020

Errr I generally tidy her room myself. She makes her bed. Your cleaning anyways so just clean it weekly

What happens when she leaves home?

I ended things with a 29 year old man when he told me his mum came around to clean for him 3 times a week. Apparently she was pleased I'd be taking over soon!

@katy1213

Close the door and don't look.

And remind them to air the room with the window open a few hours each day.

My teens don't get clean clothes or clean sheets unless they bring them downstairs for laundering when told. I don't make their beds. When the cups/glasses situation gets critical in the house I hide the clean ones from them so they can't take any more.

A agree with Katy. Go In &.open the window then close the door & walk away.

I do think teenagers should be allowed privacy and control over their own space but there have to be some standards!

So with my 2DDs, I had a rule- they could have their bedrooms however they liked unless there were Health & Safety issues.

1. If I couldn’t see any carpet, that meant it was unsafe to walk in there, so I’d give them a 24 hour warning and if not tided, I’d go in with bin bags, clear the lot and give it to charity.
2. If there were smelly cups/plates/food left around which was in danger of growing Bacteria, again a 24 hour warning and unless all tidied, I’d go in with black bin bags.

I did have the give the 24 hour warning maybe a few times a year, but they then always cleared it up.

Your cleaning anyways so just clean it weekly
No way! I'm not spending an hour clean a teenager's room while they lie around or look at themselves in the mirror! I could lie around or look in the mirror instead.

And where does it end?

When will they start cleaning their own room? You can't send them off to university or wherever to live with other people not understanding that they have to look after themselves.

Do you go into the bathroom to flush the toilet after them because you flush the toilet anyway?

It wasn't until I decided my daughter's room was an independent state, and therefore beyond my control, did peace reign. Clean washing was piled outside the door, ditto bed linen. When she left for university I redecorated it, and when she finally left home the room came back into my fiefdom.

I have a rule. Dishes and rubbish out and no damp towels. Then I shut the door. My eldest has learned a harsh lesson this week. He has no clean clothes. He won't have until he puts them in the wash. I'm not doing it.

My friend has this with her dd, mice, mice droppings, left tampons and food.

I've never had it with ds's. I just don't. Dirty clothes get put in the washing basket. Regular hoovers and keep it clean.

It baffles me that others don't have such basic rules.

Although I did change ds2's bed, with him, the other day and we hoovered down the side of the bed and I found 2 Lindt red balls. Which I told him off for not eating!

I just shut the door. Plates and cups need to come downstairs and washing in the laundry basket but that's it.
I do also insist the blind goes up and the window is opened for a bit every day.

My room was an absolute tip growing up, my parents never came into it. I am now a fairly houseproud grown up, who likes things tidy.

DD had a terribly messy bedroom around that age; literally just a path to the bed amongst the clothes, towels, books etc
I find it's not worth the battle and learnt to ignore it. I would occasionally help her have a sort out as I think it becomes overwhelming and they don't know where to start with it.
Roll on 5 years and she keeps a fairly tidy bedroom and takes pleasure in organising and cleaning it.

I am on my 4th teen dd. I let them keep their rooms as they wish with a couple of exceptions, clothes will only be washed if they are in the basket, and no meals in the bedroom. We all have our own towels, so if she wants it to be dry, she has to hang it up. If she is having friends over she needs to make the room reasonably presentable, otherwise i don't care.

I mostly ignore. I don't understand seeking battles you can avoid.

• chewing gum that might get stepped on & ground into carpet: worth having a rant about

• I struggle to get mine in shower wet towels can go smelly rank, so worth having a fuss about, whatever procedure you want specifically for towels, make it happen.

Some great advice and opinions here thanks so much everyone, been really helpful to hear everyone's views

Shut the door and ignore.