Straight forward advice.

[L1andudno2]

So my lovely daughter has turned into Kevin the teenager! I have read several posts which is good but I just wanted straight forward advice. I get it's all about hormones and brain development but do you punish the teenage disrespect and attitude of how they act and what they do ? My heart is so heavy and I when to admit I struggle with discipline as I am not a confronting person.
Any advice most welcome.

Teenagers are a different breed!
I don't really punish for disrespect and attitude, more let them know how disappointed I am in their behaviour, but to be fair it would depend on the level of disrespect. They always know when their behaviour is out of line and apologise afterwards.

It's more than she didn't come down at all for her sisters birthday when she was opening her presents and wishing her a nice day. We then ended up having the whole day about her attitude

What do you mean she’s turning into Kevin the teenager?

I point out disrespect and attitude every single time. I never let a single comment/look/sigh etc go by comment. I will say something like "don't talk to me like that". Or "you're being very rude". Or "I beg your pardon?!"

I like to follow up with a question that make a the teenager acknowledge their behaviour. I expect an actual answer: "Do you think I deserve to be spoken to like that?", for example. Its not rhetorical, I wait and expect an actual answer.

I don't ask for an apology (because apologies shouldn't be asked for) and don't expect one. Sometimes the teen will apologise when challenged on their attitude, other times they won't but the attitude is usually corrected. I don't really punish though, unless it is especially bad. But neither do I ever ignore disrespect.

If my 13 year old is being disrespectful I'll pull him up on it straight away - ie tell him it wasn't a nice thing to say, etc. If he's having an angry outburst I usually do the same but then check in on him later and remind him that we don't speak to each other like that and there's almost always a genuine apology, rather than me demanding one at a time his head is all over the place and it won't be meant. Sometimes he'll do things like shout 'woman!' To me which is meant to be funny, but I completely ignore it, then he finally says ' mum?' And I'll say 'hi Latte' cheerfully as if it were the first time. We try to let natural consequences occur when safe such as losing a friendship if (even after advice) he's been disrespectful to a friend. But sometimes when they're apparently awful young people they're just confused and unable to control their feelings. Once when was 11/12 he had an almighty meltdown and absolutely trashed his room, stomping about and emptying everything onto the floor. I was going to be angry but I suddenly saw that he couldn't deal with his feelings, and I just gave him a hug instead. We both cried and tidied up his room together. He only did that twice (and I notice he was careful to not actually break anything!)

@ConfusedAdultFemale

What do you mean she’s turning into Kevin the teenager?

Harry Enfield