When do you stop your children / teens from having to eat their veg??!

[Blewitt]

DD17 has become increasingly fussy about food, I was hoping that as the kids got older they got less fussy but there you go. She hates most veg but eats salad and fruit. Not the healthiest diet but could be a lot worse. She's not overweight. I feel fairly relaxed about her not Having to have all the veg with a meal, she's pretty good otherwise and not causing us too many dramas, but DH thinks, whilst she lives at home, she should eat what she is given. Which causes a lot of agro in the house and at mealtimes. She says they taste bitter and it makes her feel sick. Is she too old for us to be having these battles still, I mean in theory she could have moved out and be choosing her own food, or is he right and we should be more draconian about it? Thoughts? Thanks!

My mother never once made any of us four children eat cooked vegetables. As children none of us liked them. So a bowl of mixed, raw veg was put on the table and we helped ourselves. We have all grown up to eat all veg, cooked or raw.
I really dont see how anyone thinks it's OK to 'force' a child, let alone a young adult to eat something they do not like.
A 17 year old could be married or have her own child

Never forced my kids to eat anything they didn’t like.

To me ‘eat what you’re given’ means I’m not making everyone a totally separate meal. It doesn’t mean everyone has to eat every component of a meal, whether they like it or not.

When it comes to small children, I can understand the logic behind putting a small portion of something they don’t always eat on their plate. Young children can be fussy, and tastes do change. Quietly leaving it there for them to eat if they wish can be helpful (i’d never force dc to eat something they said they didn’t like, but sometimes it being on the plate means they become accustomed to it) But 17 is basically an adult, surely old enough to be respected when she says she doesn’t like something. Is there absolutely no food that your husband doesn’t like? Would he eat if you put it on his plate.

No of course you can’t force her. Make sure she has five a day from salad and fruit and job done. Or three portions and a vitamin. She’s 17

@Bramshott

I still give DD (18) 1 piece of broccoli - ever hopeful!

Aww!

@Badpicknic

Never forced my kids to eat anything they didn’t like.

My gran was of the 'lived through two world wars/walking fifteen miles to the pit..' generation. Waste wasn't acceptable in her day. Nonetheless, she handed out meals with the firm instruction "Don't eat anything you don't want!" and I'm doing the same decades later.

Nothing forced in the way of of food . But I’m not a cafe. One meal cooked and eat what ever you want if it and top up with fruit etc.

Interestingly they are all veggie / vegan now 😂

I never liked any veg as a child except cooked carrot, my mum tried everything to get me to eat it. Now I eat all veg apart from cucumber which as a pp said is the devils food.

If she doesn't like the veg you're serving can you try other things? If she likes salad will she eat roasted pepper? or grilled tomato/mushroom? What about sweetcorn that's very sweet? perhaps mixed with some peas.

When I was younger, I was a very picky eater! I hated most cooked veg (except potatoes) so refused to eat it. My DM and DGM picked their battles.
For Sunday lunch, everyone else had cooked veg, I'd have raw versions of the veg I liked (cabbage, carrots, peas).

With DD (17 months) I just expect her to try what she is given. If she doesn't like it, she doesn't have to eat it. Just a taste will do.

Palates changes. As a child I used to eat tomatoes straight from the fridge like they were sweets, now I don't like anything with a tomato flavour (ketchup, tomato pasta sauce, etc) but I also now eat cooked versions of some veg and will always include those in meals to make sure my intake is sufficient.

A battle over veg with a 17 year old is really ridiculous!

What I think it should not be is replacing healthy fruit and veg with junk food. I'd agree with your DH OP if your DD is not going to fast food places and it is just which fruit and veg is eaten.

@traumatisednoodle

They all have some veg that they dislike, so I serve a range of veg. If I'm dishing up, I won't give DS leeks or DD raw tomato, or DH raw carrot. But I'll do broccoli as well as leeks and cucumber as well as tomatoes etc. I aim for 2 portions of veg with lunch and tea per person (I don't always achieve it!)

Oh my word I hope these are all nursery or primary school age children. How about teaching them you are not their lackey

Single digits. The 9 year old cooks tea once a week (under supervision from an adult) and also offers choices although is tends to be more basic food, as she's still learning. Like jacket potato with a choice of beans or tuna mayo, and then a plate a mixed veg to help yourself from. The 7 year old peels veg, lays tables and loads the dishwasher but doesn't have a set day to cook. I actually started doing this having been for roasts at mil's. She cooks for 7-11 people and does such a range of food that everyone eats their 5 a day! I like to make sure they eat a decent diet, not adding a third veg to a plate really doesn't make me their lackey!

I’d never make anyone eat something they didn’t like and that made them feel ill. Why on earth would you? Does your husband eat stuff that makes him feel ill? That’s not normal.

Is there anything your DH doesn't like? I would do a few meals with that in mind and demand that he eats it!

He is being ridiculous.

My 16yo is still pretty fussy, but I always put everything in her plate - she will usually have a minute but of the veg just to keep me happy but I wouldn't demand she ate it all!

All this angst over food. My children are grown-up now with children of their own. Me or their Dad did the evening meal; no-one was forced to eat anything, but we didn't seem to have any waste. Two of them were quite fussy, not any more, and they cook for me when they come to stay. When they were teenagers they would have bowls of cereal for supper, and sometimes during the night I would wake to the smell of bacon frying. Things generally sort themselves over time.

I know it was a joke, but actually no, the aeroplane thing isn't recommended any more either, as it's considered a distraction when they should be focusing on whether or not they feel full, not whether somebody is making food entertaining or not. The current recommended approach is to serve food, but not be particularly worried about whether they eat it or not, because as long as you keep serving a healthy balance eventually they will eat something. Not to pander with loads of alternatives (or any), but also not to employ any techniques whether that's fun ones like aeroplanes/pudding bribes or threats or just making them sit until they've eaten.

Exception in the case of children with highly restricted diets e.g. underweight, special needs, multiple/severe allergies etc. Don't know what the advice is there as I haven't had one, just that this approach isn't sensible in that case.

But to take it all with a pinch of salt - DH did forbidden aeroplanes with DS2 (who is a toddler) because he found it fun, with no ill effects, he eats anything and doesn't require aeroplane noises any more. DS1 I followed most of the modern fads including BLW and he's way more fussy. I don't think its down to anything we did, it's just the way he is. He's 13, I don't make him eat veg, although veg is not the thing we tend to struggle with with his eating, it's more carbs/protein he's fussy over. But in any case, I wouldn't serve up an alternative, and if he moans he's hungry, which is happening more and more these days, then I tend to point out that he had a miniscule portion of dinner and suggest he eats some of the leftovers. If he does not want that he can make himself a sandwich or bowl of porridge which is what he normally does.

Agree at 17 it seems a bit silly to police her food, old way or new way.

DS is 17, I just say which vegetable are you having with that ? He knows what a balanced meal is.

I personally won't eat something I don't like, so I certainly wouldn't force my child to eat something he doesn't like. When he was little we did the whole 'have a lick/ taste' the first time it was introduced but if he had tried it and didn't like it then that was that. Sometimes those foods would come up again, at school or at a friends, and he realised he did actually like them, but generally we respected the fact that he knew what he did/ didn't like, same as we do as adults. He's 15 now and I cannot see any way at all of making him eat something he wouldn't like! Not least because he's 6'1 but also because he's fully capable of knowing himself what he wants to eat! You cannot 'make' a teen do anything!

She's 17.... oh my word.

Soon you will be posting about how your 17 year old has packed up and left. That's what I did. Got myself a job, a mate to share with and boom I was gone.

I don’t eat all my veg sometimes at nearly 50 - if someone tried it I’d gag! I’ve always preferred salad type veg and there’s nothing wrong with that either so just make her more of what she likes.
I don’t make my teens finish their dinner or veg - I might say ‘do you want that cucumber’ and if not I’ll eat it(!) - sometimes DS doesn’t like a meal if it’s new (he’s 17), so he’ll just make himself toast etc.
How can you force a teen to eat anything?!

I told my 20 year old off for picking all the spinach out of something last time he was here. And pointed out that his much younger brothers are theirs.

I can't force him to eat anything. But I can mock him for behaving like a fussy toddler.

I mock my husband when he leaves his broccoli stems too. He's an adult and can do it if he wants. But he's still being hypocritical as he'd expect the kids to eat theirs.