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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Teen motivation

15 replies

Applejack87 · 14/05/2021 18:25

Hi, do any of you try to motivate your 15 year olds to study or do you leave them to it
My dd is so lazy & spends literally every minute on snap chat & tic Tok , she rushes through homework then straight on her phone she has e s of year tests at the end of June but never puts enough revision in

OP posts:
NuffSaidSam · 14/05/2021 18:42

I try to motivate them. Talk to them about the future/consequences of the decisions they make now.

WeAllHaveWings · 15/05/2021 11:35

Children need to really understand studying = better grades = more future choices. They need to understand there are pupils that are clever then there are pupils that work hard and both can succeed - I would even argue the grafters are the ones that come out on top eventually. They need to understand the choices they, not their friends, make now will determine those grades and the choices they will have after school and potentially the lifestyle they will live as independent adults.

Ds's school never really helped him with study advice so we found he needed education on it to understand how and why rather than motivation. We helped him look into it in S3 well before his first exam year, looked into different techniques, organisation, planning and helped him try different approaches and work out what he felt most comfortable with. Really understanding the difference between recognition and recall helped. We asked him what he needed to help and sorted out a good/quiet dedicated space to revise/stationary/folders/flash cards/revision guides/desk/laptop, showed him where to find past papers and how he could use marking instructions, online content etc.

To begin with we made him do encouraged at least 1.5 - 2hrs homework/revision after school/before dinner most days with no phone until he got into the routine of it. When he saw it reaped dividends on end of unit tests and his working grades he was pleased with himself and became more independent, over the last 2 years we support him but don't need to really "motivate", he now knows what he needs to do to get the grades he wants. Having a career goal now helps him focus too.

He is average clever but knows he only gets his best grades because he studies hard/well.

Sorry that was long, but no, I wouldn't just leave him to it. They are only children and need their parents to teach them how to study, and support them while the school gets on with the course content.

Ifeelmuchlessfat · 15/05/2021 18:27

@WeAllHaveWings

“To begin with we made him do encouraged at least 1.5 - 2hrs homework” how?

Christmasfairy2020 · 16/05/2021 15:36

Tbh as long as get a grade 5 or 4 in gcse maths and English she be fine. Can do health and social at college and do nursing or social work.

DinosaurDiana · 16/05/2021 15:38

I spoke to mine about needing the grades to get into A levels if they wanted to go to Uni. We looked at what they needed to get onto an A level course, then I left it to them.

LongCow · 16/05/2021 18:11

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JohnsRaincoatLost · 16/05/2021 18:30

Ds2 is in year 10. They are not being set any homework due to worries of mental health so he is still doing a language app every day for MFL (his brother did this and got an 8) and he does 45 minutes of extension work every school day. He is academically a high performer with maths/science/history tests all in the 90% bracket so his extension work/revision is going back over stuff they did in year 9 or beginning of year 10.

Lay this out for your DD, the higher the number on the GCSE certificate the more choice she has. Ds1 is a grafter, average kid who put some work in and it paid off. He watched his mate on results day have to change his A level course because his grade wasn't high enough. He needed a 6 to take maths. He got a 5.

Your DD isn't just competing with her class though, she is competing with children who are in Eton and any other fee paying school, grammar schools and state schools who encourage children academically. You might want to show her what grades they come out with against what her school does.

Mine have always had a set homework slot after school. No rushing or racing through because there is no tech/fun until after the time slot. We have done this since year 7. Also no phone at this point until work is done.

What does she want to do after her GCSEs? What if she doesn't get the grades she needs? If she is looking at A levels and degree she needs to look into that now. Ds2 has already done this himself, Ds1 had done it by year 10 just to see what you need.

Applejack87 · 23/05/2021 14:26

The problem I’m having with my dd is that she’s affected to her iPad & phone
I’ve got every GCSE work book for every subject bit she’s just not interested . The other problem us that she tells me that the revision is online so she needs her iPad , I can’t watch over to check that she’s revising . It’s her future but she also feels that even when she revise she does badly , I’ve explained this isn’t the case , but she finds revising a chore , I’m thinking about emailing the school raising my concerns
Any advice please ?

OP posts:
WeAllHaveWings · 23/05/2021 14:42

If she feels she does worse when she revises she isn't revising correctly so tell her she needs to spend more time doing this until she works out how to revise effectively.

She might need to be taught to revise effectively, something you can research together and try different techniques out at home to see what suits her best as an individual. This is not something I would ask the school to do, this is what parents do to engage with their individual childs education.

All distractions should be out of the room while studying. No phone and find out what revision material she needs to access on the ipad and if there is an alternative.

Revising isn't just reading notes, and should be taking notes, making flash cards, mind maps, practicing questions so you should be able to see (and praise) the output of sessions to see how she has done. Talk to her (not the same as watching over) about what she did, what worked well, what didn't and why, what her plans look like, let her know you are interested and supportive until she feels the benefits and is more self sufficient.

Andi2020 · 23/05/2021 21:15

Can you ask her some questions on the revision after in a way of helping her.
Say read a chapter in science then ask a few questions.

Harriedharriet · 23/05/2021 21:30

@WeAllHaveWings

Children need to really understand studying = better grades = more future choices. They need to understand there are pupils that are clever then there are pupils that work hard and both can succeed - I would even argue the grafters are the ones that come out on top eventually. They need to understand the choices they, not their friends, make now will determine those grades and the choices they will have after school and potentially the lifestyle they will live as independent adults.

Ds's school never really helped him with study advice so we found he needed education on it to understand how and why rather than motivation. We helped him look into it in S3 well before his first exam year, looked into different techniques, organisation, planning and helped him try different approaches and work out what he felt most comfortable with. Really understanding the difference between recognition and recall helped. We asked him what he needed to help and sorted out a good/quiet dedicated space to revise/stationary/folders/flash cards/revision guides/desk/laptop, showed him where to find past papers and how he could use marking instructions, online content etc.

To begin with we made him do encouraged at least 1.5 - 2hrs homework/revision after school/before dinner most days with no phone until he got into the routine of it. When he saw it reaped dividends on end of unit tests and his working grades he was pleased with himself and became more independent, over the last 2 years we support him but don't need to really "motivate", he now knows what he needs to do to get the grades he wants. Having a career goal now helps him focus too.

He is average clever but knows he only gets his best grades because he studies hard/well.

Sorry that was long, but no, I wouldn't just leave him to it. They are only children and need their parents to teach them how to study, and support them while the school gets on with the course content.

I just love the sound of this. Could you direct me to where I could do a little more reading? For example the difference between recognition and recall. I suppose I would like to know if you know all of this already and taught him or you found a place/person who teaches it? :) Thank you!
Harriedharriet · 23/05/2021 21:33

@LongCow

To be frank she shouldn't be able to spend every minute on tiktok.

All of my DC have to earn their screen time by completing an age-appropriate amount of study. They have to ask permission to go on screens and it will not be given if they don't complete their study time or their attitudes or grades are not up to scratch.

DS3 is in year 10 and he has to complete 2 hours minimum of homework and revision every weeknight and then 4 hours over the weekend. He does it without complaint as he knows that there will simply be no screen time otherwise.

He will be expected to put in more study in year 11. I suggest you use the same approach with your dd.

Do they not push back? Mine have a 15/20 minute quota on TicTok and other media but the push back is strong at the moment - especially the 14 and 13 year olds.
SE13Mummy · 23/05/2021 22:01

DD1 is just finishing Y11 and has been a diligent student throughout secondary school although I'm under no illusions as to the amount of time she's spent on Snapchat or Facetime etc with friends too. It's about balance and for her, sitting down and looking at how much time she had available to her vs how many things she had to get done in that time was a useful exercise. By planning out her time - including time for a snack, unwind after school, screen time, music practice etc. - she was able to see there was plenty of it and that she felt better if she allocated chunks of time to specific activities. To begin with, she would plan an overly tight schedule with very little downtime built in which also meant it was likely to be hard to stick to. By switching that to 45 productive minutes per hour, she found it easier to follow and enjoyed the feeling of having completed a block of time. She would often get home from school, have a snack and then plan her evening.

What is done within those time slots has varied according to need. Sometimes it has been homework set by school, sometimes it's been revision. Revision takes different forms too. She's found mindmaps work well for some subjects such as history whereas flash cards work better for languages. For the sciences she's done a bit of both but the thing that's been most helpful for that is going through question banks or past papers to practise using her knowledge. The website, Seneca Learning has also been a good resource for the sciences, maths and some of the history units. By going through the GCSE syllabus, she and I have been able to set 'assignments' with deadlines. The assignments are essentially bits of text, videos and diagrams followed by exercises to test understanding. They can be revisited if the score isn't high enough and by setting deadlines, it can be used to give a steady flow of revision activities. Once she was in Y11, DD used Getrevising to create a specific revision timetable. It has a function that makes it possible to specify what will be studied in each session e.g. 'do practice papers from Ms X, Seneca assignment on the Armada, create mindmap about neurotransmitters' as well as offering links to support materials. Whereas Seneca is good for accountability, Getrevising is handy for sensible allocation of revision time per subject accord to the time available and hoped for grade.

WeAllHaveWings · 24/05/2021 09:25

@Harriedharriet, I wish there was a one size fits all, very few WANT to study when they could be doing something better instead. ds also has this thing, probably quite a common teen thing, where he thinks his parents know nothing, and tends to listen to people "outside" the home instead.

I bought a book on how to study/revise, can't remember the name of it but I found it a boring and very dry read so didn't even show ds. I did a bit of internet googling and found bits and pieces but didn't find anything inspiring either that I thought would engage ds.

An American Youtuber, called Thomas Frank, ended up being the thing that worked for ds. The guy is very upbeat (and very irritating), but was better than any book or listening to me. Look for his videos on spaced repetition, flash cards, note taking, procrastinating, habit making (the "habit spiral" of starting small and building) and many more, they all mostly have the same theme - a lot are just common sense when you see them but they give you a direction to try and it helped ds to hear from someone else.

I used these to reel ds in, I would find/listen to a video first to see if it was any good, and started by saying come and see this and watching a 5-10 min video together and then leaving him to think about it. Then I would point him in the direction of one to watch himself and we would discuss after, even if it was repetition of the same sort of thing. Just plant seeds for them to think about every time - for example compare the good habit spiral of studying to the bad habits they have - they are both habits that develop starting small.

He probably watched around 10 of the videos I picked out. The final one I asked him to watch himself was the 13 Scientific Backed Study tips, with a note pad to note down the different tips/technics and then we discussed after which ones he thought would work for each subject. He listened to TF more than me and came up with his own ideas on what he thought would work best for him and for each subject. He was less resistant because he has some knowledge now of what he needed to do and it felt less intimidating.

French - he liked the idea of physical flash cards - so bought him a couple of boxes of 500 small A8 cards to write on (TF says writing the actual cards on paper is more effective than using apps). ds asked me to test him on them most nights before bed for 10-15 mins. We made it fun and it really made a difference to his french vocab.

Modern Studies/English - he liked making his own notes and mind maps to pull content or themes together.

Science - he created his own notes

Maths - he made larger A6 paper flash cards for specific topics/formula he struggled with, with a details/drawing and a worked example.

He found/learned 35-45 minute study sessions switching between types of subjects were more achievable and effective than studying for hours, phone out of room works, 10 minute walk outside between sessions helps. 2-3 sessions a night makes a real difference to his confidence on the subject. He worked out for himself studying with friends was not effective. He understood the recognition vs recall thing and worked out which tips to use to get to recall - flash cards, past papers, example questions, re-writing notes (combining class notes and revision guide notes), asking someone to test you, bullet points. He found youtube is a great resource to study too, there are lots of videos made by teachers, especially for maths and sciences. He would ask school for questions and answers resources so he could do and mark himself or I would buy books/help find things online to test himself.

We started early in S3 (Scotland, well before first exams), the earlier you start building that habit of doing little but often the better.

Sorry that was a bit of an essay of what worked for ds! Hope some of it helps get you started.

Harriedharriet · 24/05/2021 15:10

[quote WeAllHaveWings]@Harriedharriet, I wish there was a one size fits all, very few WANT to study when they could be doing something better instead. ds also has this thing, probably quite a common teen thing, where he thinks his parents know nothing, and tends to listen to people "outside" the home instead.

I bought a book on how to study/revise, can't remember the name of it but I found it a boring and very dry read so didn't even show ds. I did a bit of internet googling and found bits and pieces but didn't find anything inspiring either that I thought would engage ds.

An American Youtuber, called Thomas Frank, ended up being the thing that worked for ds. The guy is very upbeat (and very irritating), but was better than any book or listening to me. Look for his videos on spaced repetition, flash cards, note taking, procrastinating, habit making (the "habit spiral" of starting small and building) and many more, they all mostly have the same theme - a lot are just common sense when you see them but they give you a direction to try and it helped ds to hear from someone else.

I used these to reel ds in, I would find/listen to a video first to see if it was any good, and started by saying come and see this and watching a 5-10 min video together and then leaving him to think about it. Then I would point him in the direction of one to watch himself and we would discuss after, even if it was repetition of the same sort of thing. Just plant seeds for them to think about every time - for example compare the good habit spiral of studying to the bad habits they have - they are both habits that develop starting small.

He probably watched around 10 of the videos I picked out. The final one I asked him to watch himself was the 13 Scientific Backed Study tips, with a note pad to note down the different tips/technics and then we discussed after which ones he thought would work for each subject. He listened to TF more than me and came up with his own ideas on what he thought would work best for him and for each subject. He was less resistant because he has some knowledge now of what he needed to do and it felt less intimidating.

French - he liked the idea of physical flash cards - so bought him a couple of boxes of ]] to write on (TF says writing the actual cards on paper is more effective than using apps). ds asked me to test him on them most nights before bed for 10-15 mins. We made it fun and it really made a difference to his french vocab.

Modern Studies/English - he liked making his own notes and mind maps to pull content or themes together.

Science - he created his own notes

Maths - he made larger A6 paper flash cards for specific topics/formula he struggled with, with a details/drawing and a worked example.

He found/learned 35-45 minute study sessions switching between types of subjects were more achievable and effective than studying for hours, phone out of room works, 10 minute walk outside between sessions helps. 2-3 sessions a night makes a real difference to his confidence on the subject. He worked out for himself studying with friends was not effective. He understood the recognition vs recall thing and worked out which tips to use to get to recall - flash cards, past papers, example questions, re-writing notes (combining class notes and revision guide notes), asking someone to test you, bullet points. He found youtube is a great resource to study too, there are lots of videos made by teachers, especially for maths and sciences. He would ask school for questions and answers resources so he could do and mark himself or I would buy books/help find things online to test himself.

We started early in S3 (Scotland, well before first exams), the earlier you start building that habit of doing little but often the better.

Sorry that was a bit of an essay of what worked for ds! Hope some of it helps get you started.[/quote]
This is EVERYTHING. Thank you so much. I am so grateful - I did not know where to start with mine.
Thank you!

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