14 year old struggling post lockdown

[Rabbitroad29]

Hi there
Hoping to come on here for some common ground. My teenage daughter is a different person since lockdown number 3. She used to love school, did all the extra curricular activities and spoke to all her family.
Since returning to school in March , she has become so stressed and worried about lessons that she refuses to go to some and will go to the pastoral office.
She has self harmed twice, has panic attacks but also refuses not to go to school.
The main issues are severe anxiety over tests and PE. Her head of year has a real lack of compassion and understanding, stating that my daughter should feel different if she is the only child not able to take a test.
She has friends at the school she will speak to the counsellor but not her family. I get texts from her but she refuses to talk to me in person at home.
Gp is trying to refer her but it is a long road. I have a daughter in year 11 too, who is stressed about assessments.
My husband is a nurse and I am a teacher and we have seen so much of this when it gets handled the wrong way.
I have written a letter of complaint to the school because they forced her to do PE and then explained that she was having netballs thrown at her head.
She loves music and will happily go and play in a wind band.
I feel so sad that she won’t talk to our family as I don’t know what is happening at school unless I ask the pastoral office.
I’m so worried that I’m not sleeping .
Anyone else’s child change overnight?

I am talking from experience as my DD suddenly became quiet and distant after the first lockdown.

Get her to take some vitamins B and star flower daily. My daughter takes these and they have improved her mood massively. Whether it is placebo or has actually helped with her mood, I don't care, her moods are definitely more stable. She believes they have helped.

Start any conversation talking about mundane stuff, and let her open up about the bigger stuff but don't push that yet. Talk on a car journey, it's less intense. She might feel you will judge or leap in with advice so try to just listen when she offers some info.

If she is not going into certain lessons, could this be a bullying issue? Are certain pupils in those lessons?

Do you have access to her phone? Can you do some digging around?

Sorry just read it's mainly about assessments. She can see her older sister getting stressed. She will pick up on that. Is she afraid of failing or is she afraid of having a panic attack during one?

Have you spoken directly to the head of year ?
Is there a particular member of staff who she likes and trusts ?
Year 9 is known as being a bad year, many of them change in this year.
Going to the pastoral office is good, she is seeking help and knows where to go. You should refuse permission for her to do PE at this time, she has a genuine reason to be excluded. Tell them that she will be doing exercise at home so she won’t be missing out.
Have you spoken to the School Nurse ? They do drop ins in my area , so can make an appointment to see her as often as necessary. Get them to push a CAMHS referral.
What is she trying for her panic attacks ? Rescue Remedy and controlled breathing helped my son when he had a problem.
Also, sorry to ask but, is there any chance that she has been smoking weed as panic attacks etc can be caused by it ?

Sorry this is happening, I know from experience the sheer terror of seeing your child change before your eyes.
Firstly I would suggest joining a private FB group called Parenting Mental Health, it has been an absolute life-saver for me.
Secondly the school really need to step up and help you here. They will happily have well-being days and discuss the importance of good mental health so now they need to abide by that and help her. Are they aware of her self-harm?

Sorry, just seen about the head of year. What about deputy heads ?