14 year old birthday - friends stuff in general

[ArianaDumbledore]

I've had a conversation with DS2 and I'm just a bit unsure of how typical this is.

DS2 is turning 14 soon, I asked what he wanted to do for his birthday his said go to the trampoline park. When I asked how many friends he wanted to take, he was aghast and said no, just wanted to go with family. He doesn't have 3 brothers but DS1 (who is autistic) and him aren't close any more. The other 2 are 8 and 7. I offered to discreetly drop him and a friend off etc but he was adamant he would not want to.

DS2 never meets up with friends, I know lockdown etc but this was the case before. He said he's just happy chatting online. I've seen messages and there's no bullying etc all very teen chat.

DS2 won't entertain joining any clubs. He has interests, but actual physical sports are a bit difficult as he has Chronic fatigue syndrome.

I'm not entirely sure what I'm asking(!)

I feel like I should be doing more to get him socialising, but at this age I can't really see how to do this.

With his CFS might he feel that friends would 'outlast' him and he'd feel bad, whereas family 'understand'?

It must be hard not having really been able to socialise for the last year. Perhaps he just needs more time to get back to it?

That is a good point, he's also developed constant tremors in his hands (being investigated by neurologist) which I guess isn't exactly great for a teenager.

He went to one party in Yr7 (he's Yr9 now) but a kid drew on him with a marker pen and turned down all subsequent invitations.

I would have been horrified at going anywhere with my family at 14!

If that’s what he wants to do for his birthday let him do it. Nothing worse than being pressured to do things as a teenager because adults think it’s good for you.

I'm not pressuring him at all. I am a bit concerned about his lack of socialising but had already said I couldn't see anyway I could really do anything given his age.

OP - you asked your DS what he wanted to do for his birthday and he has told you. So go ahead and have a lovely family birthday.

14 is an age of growing and finding out who you are. In your shoes, I would just let my son go at his own pace and make his own decisions.