18 year old and my car

[Mairyhinge]

Hi I'm hoping for someone to help me clear my mind one way or another, I can't discuss this with anyone so don't know what's the right thing to do.
I have a car, my 18 year old son drives it far more than I do but he does put petrol in no issue there.
I noticed this morning it had done over 100 miles yesterday so I said to him where the heck did you go?
Turns out he's met a girl on snap chat ( which I totally do not understand!) who lives about 45 miles away and he's been to see her.
Now I've encouraged him to be open and honest with me, I've told him I'm not happy about him driving that Distance very often. He's just gone there again.
I can't decide if I'm being unreasonable, my reasons for not wanting him to go aren't Particularly valid, mainly i think it's too far!
I know if I ban him from going he will be hell to live with but he gets away with a lot, but he also does a lot too ( shops for me, runs errands for me etc).
Aibu? What would YOU do?
I'm also terrified of him having an accident ( anxiety kicks in).
For context, his dad is here, we're married etc he's just not very 'level'. He'll either say there's no issue or say it's all my fault and I shouldn't be allowing it, but isn't here to back me up when I'd be saying no to him going!

Why do you think it's too far?

My dd is 19 now but she passed her test at 18 and until covid hit she often travelled those sort of distances. She passed in February 2020 and two weeks later drove 40 miles to meet her brother and some friends to go to the theatre for example. She was all set to travel over 50 miles to a hospital appointment but it was cancelled. She then got a part time job which involved her travelling all around the place.

As long as he isn't school/college/uni/work then what is the problem?

Mine were doing those kinds of miles at 18 in my car and I had no issue with it but if you do then maybe it is time for him to get his own wheels? I take it he is insured as the main driver?

@Comefromaway
Thank you. Common sense!
It's probably not too far and perfectly fine it's just me. I'm a worrier. He's a really good, safe driver and I have no issues at all there. I think it's my anxiety. I really appreciate your kind and sensible reply!

I was on tenterhooks her first long journey (there was a difference in that it was her car, not mine and she was living away at college before returning home during lockdown).

@bloodywhitecat it's me isn't it?! Wish I could stop being so anxious and over protective!
He's had his own car for the first year after passing his test but then I was due an upgrade and I got one he can drive too. He's insured as a driver on it so no issues there.
His had a 5000 mile limit so I think he's also enjoying the freedom of no mileage restrictions!

@Mairyhinge it’s an issue with him being a named driver if he is actually the main driver as that is illegal .

If he is doing the majority of the driving in the car then the insurance needs to be in his name, he should not just be a named driver on your insurance. It could be considered fraud otherwise.

I'd be more worried about him going to meet some random 'girl on Snapchat' - and her not turning out to be who 'she' says she is, and worse nobody knowing where he has gone let alone who he is with.

(maybe I watched too much of the programme about Dennis Nilsen last night)

At that age I would drive 5 times that mileage in a day regularly just to go to a gig or a football match. I'd be more worried about the random Snapchat woman!

He's an adult op, cut the apron strings.

Thanks all for making me feel better. Re: the Snapchat girl, I do believe she's genuine, he's already been over once ( that I know of 🙄), and I know if she wasn't genuine he wouldn't go again. He's too 'straight down the line' for that.
Re the car insurance, I say he drives it more but it's probably equal, I use it more for dotting about here and there. There's no worries there it's all above board but I appreciate the concern.
I know when I first passed my test I would drive anything anyone gave me! Loved it and he's very much like that.
So I AM being unreasonable? Phew 😅

I think it's considered insurance fraud to have a car insured with you as the main driver and your son as a named driver if your son is the really the main driver, regardless of who owns the car.

You either let your son have access to your car or you don't. He's an adult, he puts petrol in it.

So long as you have access to the car when you need it, I don't see the issue.

I understand this exactly op. My ds is 26 and on my car insurance. While I'm happy (ish) for him to drive about town I have real anxiety about him driving further because quite honestly the is not a good driver! How could he be - he only has about 3000 miles to his credit? I have life 360 so I can tell how many incidents he has. He can have several in a 15 min journey! But as far as I know He has never had any accidents. He has tied up all his money now in a house deposit so can't afford his own wheels either. He too seems to meet random girls. But I have no advice!

@MrsPsmalls thank you for the solidarity!
I'm grateful he's a really good driver - my daughter is 24, scares the hell out of me when she drives, yet I never had the same qualms when she drove back and forth to her job 76 miles away! ( hotel job so she lived down there mostly).
You're all very right, he's an adult, he puts petrol in and I need to cut the apron strings 🤣

@Pellewsmate

I think it's considered insurance fraud to have a car insured with you as the main driver and your son as a named driver if your son is the really the main driver, regardless of who owns the car.

I'm assuming it's distance rather amount of actual journeys?

DS is learning currently and the plan is we will share a car initially. I work 3 days a week so the car will be mine those days, I doubt DS will be driving the other 2 weekdays as he'll be at college - so mainly weekend driving. He may end up driving further over the weekends than I do during the week? So should he be getting separate insurance? TBH I think it'll only be for a short time anyway as he's more likely to want his own car

I think it is lovely you are worrying about your son.
I also think that the more he drives the better he will get so practice is a good thing.
If you are ok with the car being a higher mileage vehicle and he is helping with running costs and petrol I'm not sure there is an actual issue.

It will be a distance thing wrt main driver. If he is doing 100 miles in a day and you are only using it for pottering around then he'll quickly overtake your mileage.
So if you want to stop him just say he needs to do fewer miles as otherwise you'll effectively be 'fronting' the insurance.

@Mairyhinge
@Floralnomad

Flora is right. If he is driving more he is the main driver so I fact he is effectively not insured and trust me they can find that out easy.

You need to fix that or limit his miles.

That might solve the other issue.