"I don't like you."

[Dontknowowt]

Has anyone had this said to them by their teenager? Thing is, I think my son genuinely means it.

yes, and I think it is quite common.

My ds said it to me a number of times (and worse)
He is now 18 and doesn't say, and I don't think he thinks it anymore.

I realise that it was part of him finding his own opinions and defining himself as a person. It is also part of moving to a different type of relationship.
Now, he has a few friends whose parents are very different to us, and he has come to realise that we are really not bad, that he does quite well at home actually, and so he has come to appreciate us.

I used to ignore all these types of comments and just say - well we love you, even when you are being unpleasant!

DD1 told DP only last week that she didn't actually like him. Very hurtful, and she knows it, and on the back of her telling a social worker how much she likes DP.

'Well, I love you, but I don't like what you just said.' puts it back to them, but not in an unkind way.
It's not uncommon for teens to say things like that. In fact, it's more common to get 'I hate you'. Try not to take it personally.

Just respond, "That's ok, I hope you change your mind someday soon. I love and like you very much."

Teenagers can be real arseholes.

I've tended to say, Yep. I love you, but I don't like you much at times like these.

That was one of the better things mine said to me, tbf, I didn't like her either.
They still love you, and you love them don't take it to heart.
The teenage years are rough.

Yes, @Aquamarine1029's response is exactly the right one. A teenager who says that is looking to see what you'll say. You need to reassure them that you love them.

Yes and I'm a nasty selfish person apparently. I have cried at times but some of what she is angry about has happened and while it's not my fault I can see how she can blame it on me.

I've not had it said to me but I certainly said it to my mother and I meant it. I did love and care for her but I just did not like her.

@Maggiesfarm And that is what worries me - that he really means it.
Thank you all for making me feel less alone. I know some of this is down to being a teenager but (rightly or wrongly) it still hurts.

"It's not my job to be liked, it's my job to parent you whether you like me or not!"

I know my brother didn't like my parents for a long time. He was quite radical and saw them as the establishment and found their views drove him mad. He wanted alternative free thinking, and they are ordinary middle class.

10 years later he met my SIL. Who is one of the nicest people I know and is alternative with a solid dose of reality and pretty pro family.

Now, married with 3 kids, he is repeating all the things that my parents said to him to his teenagers

It does come around. His dislike is because you have control over him (as in you are the parent) and he doesn't like it.

I always reply "that's a shame because I love you".
Shuts them right up

It’s to prepare you for ‘I hate you so much!’. Friends and colleagues had warned me about these words so it made me laugh (they hated me more for that!).

They are both lovely now (and apparently love me so much now!)

have you read the book

Get out of my life! But can you take me and Alex into town first...

It is a good summary of teenagehood and extremely reassuring for parents.

Don't forget other people's teens can be charming. Doesn't mean they are charming to their parents

[quote Dontknowowt]@Maggiesfarm And that is what worries me - that he really means it.
Thank you all for making me feel less alone. I know some of this is down to being a teenager but (rightly or wrongly) it still hurts.[/quote]
Of course it hurts. Even if he means it now, it doesn't follow that he will mean it in a few months or even next week. Not liking someone (as I didn't like my mother a lot of the time), does not mean not loving them!
Things improved with my mum, so they will with you and your son.

It's awful, I'm in my 30s now and about to have my own baby. I remember telling my mum as a teenager that I didn't like her or that she was ruining my life. I love my mum and we get on so well. I was such a brat. I think its a normal part of growing up and hormones.

I despised my DM in my teens. Deep down I knew I loved her but I could hardly stand to be in the same room, it was just some distance that was needed really and for some problems that aspects of her character caused to fade into the background... And for me to get some perspective. I think you have to go away to want to come back. Sometimes metaphorically, just emotionally... Sometimes literally. Does he have any awful relatives he could go and stay with for a while.

@Hazelnutlatteplease

"It's not my job to be liked, it's my job to parent you whether you like me or not!"

This is a great response 👍

Thanks all. They've just gone back to their dad's as my eldest "prefers" it there so no "I hate you's" for a week or so at least.

My ds 14 hated me for having rules. He stayed away for a year. Drinking and taking drugs with df's consent...
Came back a year later and went nc with exh.
Became a different lad very quickly.

@Aprilwasverywet Aw pleased you got him back. Unfortunately I can't afford the things my ex can and that makes a big difference to a teenager.

I never could either.. Before they were 10 my dc had had a phone/laptop /ipad and games console courtesy of exh. Took me years to even afford Internet! I never entered into the buying them game.
They grew up and saw the light. At 12 and 14 they went nc with exh. Been about 5 years now. Hang in there op...

Yes DD says 16 this to me quite frequently in fact she says she hates me with such venom and is highly critical of me.