DD won't talk to me

[Trax75]

I separated from my husband in Jan after a lonely 20 year marriage. I have recently started seeing a friend in a dating capacity. I told DD (nearly 18) but she is now refusing to talk to me or answer my calls or messages. I am trying to communicate but she doesn't want to know. She was fine about the separation and even said it would be better as we wouldn't be bickering but this has made her hate me even more than she did before! She is a difficult child and has taken me to hell and back for the past few years but I have always been bad cop and daddy was good cop (basically he spoilt her rotten) Has anyone else had to deal with this? I feel like giving up .. all I want is to be happy after years in the wilderness but it seems my daughter wants me to be miserable forever! Any advice welcome!! x

I’m sorry I don’t have any experience of this - I am a single mother with no real dating!!
However - all I would say is keep a polite open and calm communication with your daughter. Set aside time or offer to do things with her. If she doesn’t reply to you, just move on. If she doesn’t want to go anywhere with you, that’s up to her. Try not to get too emotional or compare him with her dad, or your own parenting with her dad.
I’m sure as she matures further she will see what you’ve done for her in the past and if you stay calm, your relationship will increasingly improve.
Personally I wouldn’t consider giving up your new relationship. But just make sure her nose isn’t rubbed in it, you make some time for her on her own and keep dialogue going. Good luck and I wish you lots of happiness for your future x

What was her last communication to you, what did she say, and what were you talking about together?

She either accepts you deserve another chance at love and happiness or she doesn't, and remember OP, you are not seeking her approval, She is 18 not 8. Her relationship with her father appears to be her priority, therefore I would leave seeking her out, for the time being, she will just hurt you more in rejecting you.

I wish you the best OP, happiness is a gift 🌸

She said she still loves me but doesn't want to talk to me. She is very protective of her dad even though she has seen me desperately unhappy for years. I kind of see her point but it is so hurtful after everything she has put me through and the way she has treated me over the years .. I have always felt that nothing I did for her was ever good enough and now I am being punished for wanting to be happy.. x

She said she still loves you. She just needs some time and was probably hoping you may get back together. Stay calm. Keep sending her nice messages (not desperate or needy) tell her you love her, make time for her, but continue with your new relationship keeping it separate and not rubbing her nose in it.
Keep your contact loving and warm - it may take her a few months but she will come round x x

I would keep sending texts and just leave her you can't make her respond send breezy how are you messages and just leave it, you are not doing a thing wrong.

It does sound like her teenage years were difficult give your self a break from her she has her dad to support her . Don't feed her drama.

Just send her a daily message asking how she is and you hope she has a nice day and that you are thinking of her.

Teens often dont reply at the best of times. Mine are much younger but difficult teens and only reply to texts when they want something.

But if you just message without expecting a reply you are keeping the communication lines open in a positive way.

imho,

You're dragging in a long history to the current events ("dragged me to hell and back"); do you want to let go of that history or not?

January to April: it's a short period for such big changes.

Give her time. You're figuring out your new life & she's figuring out how to be comfortable with the new situation. If I understand right, she's not gone abusive or unpleasant, she just needs space to get used to things.