My 17year old did with her first

[HappyBirthdayMrPresident]

Serious boyfriend, so my DD17 has her first serious boyfriend who seems a nice lad.She invites him into our house and then they eventually go upstairs to her room with a closed door.My husband is struggling with the fact he knows they will be getting shall we say frisky with each other but I know what it is like to be that age. I need to set some boundaries about what they get up to especially with us downstairs and her wee brother in the room next doorhow do you manage it and do you set boundaries?thanks

Teenagers are anywhere near as frisky as people think. They are young and want to be together. They either do that safely at home or in the local car park.

This is one thing that doesn’t bother me with teens above 16.

She’s 17 and nearly an adult.

Do you want to ban her bf from going upstairs and make them sit in the lounge?
Of course it’s your house your rules so you can do what you like.

Will you and DP find it acceptable as soon as she reaches 18? Or have you discusssd when it would be approapriate?

Give them a safe space. If you create rules within your own home you'll push her somewhere she feels unsafe.

I think this is one of those occasions where you have to take a deep breath and remember that a huge part of parenting is about letting go and about doing what is best/safe for them instead of what you would like for them. Your daughter is 17, wanting to explore her feelings and her love with her steady boyfriend who she is happy to introduce to you. This in itself means you’ve done something right. She feels comfortable to do the above in your home, which, again means you’ve done something right.

By all means, have an adult discussion with her about respecting the household but don’t ban her from having private time with her boyfriend because she will just do it in the forest car park in the car!

I always took the attitude that it was better for them to be having sex in my house. We discussed the situation with them but if you don’t allow it they will just go to the park or a doorway. The conversation you need to have with them is about contraception.

A colleague told me she said. If you embarrass me I'll embarras you more. Meaning if she has loud sex then you will with her dad

If you don't allow her privacy in her own home she will go to his or somewhere else and you will miss out on seeing her happy.
I have a 17yo dd and her and her dd17 take turns on a Saturday night to stay at each others houses and I never hear anything and I am in next room.
She has the bar in and he also uses contraception just talk to her about safety.
Her dad will just have to get used to his little girl growing up
Did he not have a gf at 17

I don't always buy the argument "they will just go and do it somewhere else". I sometimes think, depending on the maturity of the individual teens involved, that it is sometimes beneficial to teens, especially teen girls, to put a barrier in place and whilst not banning it outright, not making it easy for them either.

Just because its legal for them to have sex, it's not always an optimum situation, and there can be a world of difference between the maturity of a just turned 17 year old and a nearly 19 year old.

I also think teen girls in particular are under a lot of pressure to have sex from bfs, and I think a lot of them are not confident enough in themselves or their bodies to speak up about where their boundaries lie in a sexual relationship. Also, a lot of them are looking for love and acceptance whereas many lads are more focused on shagging basically. Sorry if that's horribly sexist, this doesn't apply to all boys of course, but I think a lot of teen girls are somehow conditioned to "act cool" as if they don't care when underneath their emotions are all over the place.

That's just my opinion. I'm with your DH on this one op. I wouldn't be comfortable at all in my home if my 17 year old dd was upstairs having sex with her bf, especially if there was a younger sibling in the house. There's plenty of time for my DD to be exploring that side of her life in the privacy of her own accommodation at uni. I'm happy that she is focused on her female friends atm and the strong bonds she has developed within her friendship group, and on her studies, and while she enjoys spending time with her bf , he is not the main focus of her life.

I am trying to get my head around this too. Similar situation with DD 17 having BF round most weekends. I did not feel comfortable with them in her room with closed door so they have been in living room. Found condom wrapper on sofa after he left last night. Not had the chat yet & DH not aware yet.

She’s 17; I think you need to try and put it out of your mind and make sure her brother knows to knock and wait for an answer and the same for you and your DH.
The only way you can make sure she isn’t having sex in your house is to never leave them alone and then they’ll end up having sex somewhere else that may be risky

Nothing to be done when others at home. If I’m the house just them and bf/gf and they have sec it’s in their own bedroom.
Be blunt and straight to the point

Christmasfairy2020

@notsohot I think that is one of those occasions you don’t share with DH! Have a chat with your DD but I wouldn’t tell your DH. What would it achieve?

When ds was 17 and had a serious girlfriend we were fairly open but discussed contraception with him and asked if her parents knew where she was and who she was with. The gf chatted happily with me about her parents knowing and they spent equal nonsense of friday/sat nights in each home. Many years later we are still on Xmas card terms with her parents and they are on fb/linkd in.

@BigSandyBalls2015 I think I will probably tell DH after I have spoken to her. Like the OP I need to get my head around the fact she's 17 & if she doesn't do it at home she will likely do it somewhere less safe. I feel a bit uncomfortable that they did it in living room whilst we were home. Unintended consequence of me saying they couldn't be in her room. Feel a bit naive. Lesson learnt.