Dd dating at 17

[Hufflepuff7]

What does everyone think of a 17 year old girl dating a 20 year old? I've asked around about him and spoken to other parents and teens and no one can say bad things about him. She says he treats her well and she definitely seems happier after a tough start to the year. We've had in depth conversations about keeping safe and manipulating behaviour etc so she is aware but dd17 swears he is nothing but kind to her. I have no reason to mistrust her
Dd19 is disgusted and accused me of being a bad mother. She claims everyone she has spoken to agrees with her. What do you all think?

When I was 17 I met a guy on a night out, he was 20 at the time.
The morning after my mum said "did you meet anyone last night?" I told her about this guy who was 20 and she was abit shocked. Telling me she thought he was too old for me. Until I asked her how old she was when she met my dad. She was 16 and he was 22. She never mention his age again haha!

Me and said 20 year old guy have now been married for 13 years.

Normal.

I think it is fine and don't understand how anyone could object. Your daughter is 17, not 15.

If it was me. I'd be concerned that something had happened to DD1 when she was younger and she blames you for not protecting her.

I know she's difficult to talk to, but I'd still ask her.

Her over reaction is not normal.

When I was 17 my bf was 21 we are married now

@BackforGood

The only thing I see as being a bit odd in this thread is you doing this :

I've asked around about him and spoken to other parents and teens and no one can say bad things about him

Seriously ???
I've never "investigated" any of my dcs' friends, let alone once they were old enough to have boyfriends / girlfriends. That sort of decision really is up to them.
What, exactly were you planning to do if Mrs Jones from number 42 had heard a rumour about him that you didn't like ?

I agree. If my mother has done this when I was 17 I would have gone ballistic! She’s going to be off to Uni in a year. Are you going to be betting her then?Three years is nothing.

Vetting

While the 20yo could be perfectly fine, I think it’s fair for dd1 to raise concern. 17 and 20 is quite a big difference in my opinion as they are at different stages in life, one is in education still while the other is working. My question would be why is the 20yo dating a 17yo? I remember being that age and any boys who dated girls several years younger were dodgy and only doing so because no girls their age wanted them.

There’s a 3 year age gap and she’s over the age of consent. What’s the problem? Am I missing something?

Your DD19 sounds seriously bitter/jealous even if you don’t see it

I met dh when I was 16 and he was 21. We started going out when I was 17. My parents were probably not super happy but they knew I'd already been in a sexual relationship at 16 and never voiced their concerns. We've been married 20 years (got married when I was 23) so it seems to be working out ok.

I was 18 so a year old than your daughter, when I started dating a 21 year old guy. So older by a year but same age gap. Over 10 years later, still with him and married. If she’s happy and he seems like a good guy, then let them get on with it. It will either work or it won’t 🙂

When I was 17 my boyfriend was 19 almost 20. were now 27 and 29 and can't say anyone has ever even commented on it tbh

It's fine, my parents were 15&18 when they started dating, they are still together 50 something years later