Help, at a loss what to do

[Jb1984]

I have a 13yr old daughter who used to eat. She does eat still but she’s so fussy I’m at a loss as to what to do. Her attitude is dreadful, she is asked to do something and she get a fu look on her face and says no. She essentially eats chicken nuggets or some variation of and fries. Oh and junk food. Dinners she ate even a few months back she ‘doesn’t fancy’. I’m at that stage where I don’t know whether to scream, cry, a combination of the two or just give up. When I try to be more forceful like I was tonight I just get her gripping my arm with force (I tried holding her chin to get her to look and listen (not hard)) and told she’s going to tell somebody. I love her but don’t like her much at the moment and part of me thinks go ahead. Hubby is no help just says he’s fed up with it whilst doing nothing to help me deal with it. I’ve tried cooking around her (she eats about 3 dinners) bought her some ready meals she does eat (she stopped eating them) bought why she asks and nothing works. I’ve tried just leaving it and leaving her no option that doesn’t work. She’s not underweight, she does eat when she wants, she doesn’t throw up afterwards, I just don’t know what’s going on. Writing this now has me in floods of tears if I’m honest. She’s my youngest of two and has always been one I’m closest to but I have no idea what I’ve done wrong somewhere. Her attitude stinks, to degree I’m worried she’ll throw that attitude at someone she shouldn’t at some point, I’ve dealt with teen angst and tempers before but this is beyond anything I could have imagined. If anyone has any ideas beyond just tapping out please I’m all ears

If you are absolutely certain there are no eating disorders at hand then put a plate of whatever you're cooking for the family on a plate. If she eats it, great. If not leave for her to heat later. If not eaten put in freezer for those lazy days where you don't want to cook. Have fruit and eggs and healthy bread available if she want to help herself later. Leave her to it basically. Don't let her see it presses your buttons.

And don't grab her bloody chin ffs. That's really bad.

Fussy eating is control. It truly is the only autonomy we have over our bodies and children know this, from toddlers to teenagers, so with mine, I just let them. Yes it means I often end up cooking two different meals, but so what? It’s not that big a deal. I’m not arguing with anyone about what goes in their own body. I’ve found that they will at least try things if the pressure is off.

I wouldn’t make a big deal out of it. Don’t bother asking her what she wants to eat, just dish up dinner, if she eats it great, if not then don’t make it into a battle.

I have a fussy daughter, she often has evenings where she doesn’t eat what I dish up, I do try and do at least 3 meals a week I know she will eat and on the other days she has to take it or leave it, if she leaves it I don’t say anything. If she’s not underweight then it won’t harm her if she refuses to eat a meal.

Does she truly eat only fries or chicken nuggets for breakfast, lunch & dinner? And nothing else? Is it only one brand or will she eat different brands? What fluids does she drink?

However spikey she is emotionally, you can make it worse, OP. Which is my way of saying I think you may be making it worse. Pick your battles. Chicken nuggets & fries 3 x a day is a bit odd but tbh you'd be very lucky if that food fussiness was the worst your teen threw at you.

Make dinner and offer her it.

If not throw it in the bin

Remove all treats crisps and snacks so there isn’t an alternative

Don’t get drawn into any discussions

Calmly remove and leave it.

Have you asked her for meal suggestions?
Also, encourage her to cook at least once a week

Your job is to provide the food, hers is to decide what/when she will eat. If no eating disorder you can just leave her to it. And eating disorder or not, making this your battleground wont help.