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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Please help me to help 16yo DD

4 replies

KateF · 26/04/2021 16:18

DD3 is my youngest child. Her sisters are close in age and there is a three year gap between her and dd2 so she's always been the 'baby'. She's also a late summer born so the youngest in her friendship group.

She was a very easy going, get along with everyone kind of child but not very academic, kind of average but not hugely interested. Consequently it feels as though I've been trying to motivate her for years. Since she went to upper school at 13 her self esteem has plummeted and she's seen herself as 'thick'. This led progressively to refusing school in year 11 as she was petrified of failing GCSEs. As grades were awarded on coursework,teacher assessment etc she only passed Hair & Beauty which she loved and did very well at. She is now in year12 and at her school's Hair & Beauty Academy doing a BTEC which was going really well. She attended lessons via Zoom in lockdown and was completing all her work, even for her Maths and English resits. Since returning to school she has lost all motivation, is skipping classes, says she doesn't want to do hairdressing any more but has no other ideas. Additionally she's constantly asking me and her sisters for money.

I've explained that I can't afford to keep giving her cash (her dad also gives her money) and that she needs to think about how she's going to support herself in the future. I think she should focus on her Maths and English GCSEs and her BTEC even if hairdressing/beauty aren't long term career choices as they'll keep her going until she decides what she wants to do. She says I just don't understand and I can't make her do anything...aaargh!

I'm out of ideas to help/support her and also rapidly running out of patience as I work full time but don't earn a lot and she goes through money like water.

Please tell me what you would do.

OP posts:
Snuggleworm · 26/04/2021 16:42

I can't really offer any solution only to tell you that at 16 they are really all over the place as regards future choices. It is like they have to grow up and be adults in such a short space of time. My dd (now 17) kept changing her mind and like that, she lost all interest in school. I advised that she would have to go out and get herself a job if shewas not going to go to school and I also sat her down and told her about having to pay Tax, bills, mortgage, car insurance etc etc. She has since changed her mind and decided she would stick at school and has been putting the work in. I think I frightened her in to making a choice to stay :)
It is very tough parenting a 16 year old these days but hang on in there.

KateF · 26/04/2021 17:23

Thanks Snuggleworm, it really is hard for them. I don't want to pressure her into a career she hates but on the other hand she will have to work for a living like everyone else! I've always said the girls will always have a home with me but I can't and won't finance lifestyles.

OP posts:
Guavafish · 26/04/2021 18:54

Might be worth her getting a job first so she can earn money. Then maybe she’ll return back to education after a year. Sometimes people need time and a break

KateF · 26/04/2021 20:02

She had a weekend job in a salon which she liked and was doing wonders for her confidence but then covid put paid to that.
I'm sure she would prefer to work but unfortunately teenagers have to stay in education or training until 18.

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