Getting organised

[22WR]

Hi,

We're having some real issues with our DD15 and her lack of organisation and structure.

She's a great kid and works hard at school. However, she really struggles to get herself organised and it's leading to arguments at home.

In the grand scheme of things, they're small issues, for example, not remembering to get her lunch ready for the next day, rummaging around for her swimming kit 5 minutes before we leave for her training, not writing homework in her school planner and then forgetting it. It feels like we have constant arguments about her lack of organisation and I'd really like to try and help her with some practical solutions.

I wondered whether anyone had any tips on how they've sorted things like this? Thanks.

No advice from me I'm afraid, both of mine were terrible, especially the eldest. It is so frustrating but we worry more than they do. All I can is it will get better.

I’d love to know too as my ds age 15 is exactly the same time. He just can’t organise himself. I asked him to hang up his ironing last week. I went into his room to get something the other day and the ironing was lying buried under a heap

I think it's quite simple at that age. She's old enough to deal with the consequences of her own disorganisation. If she forgets her homework, she'll get a detention. If she doesn't make her lunch, she either has to pay for food or goes hungry. She can rummage about for whatever equipment she wants 5 minutes before you leave, but if she's not in the car at x time you leave without her.

It honestly is that simple, and you need to explain to her that that's what's going to happen from now on. She will have to organise herself.

It'll work great for both of you because you'll be off her back and you'll have a whole load of stress off your shoulders.

Let her deal with things in her own way. She's old enough.

@Rosebud2005

I’d love to know too as my ds age 15 is exactly the same time. He just can’t organise himself. I asked him to hang up his ironing last week. I went into his room to get something the other day and the ironing was lying buried under a heap

Do you do the ironing for him? I'd stop that straight away. Give him his own washing basket and tell him he needs to do his own washing and ironing. There's no reason at all a 15yo cannot do these things. If he then puts his ironing under things (or doesn't bother ironing at all) it's him who will be in creased clothes.

@LindaEllen

I think it's quite simple at that age. She's old enough to deal with the consequences of her own disorganisation. If she forgets her homework, she'll get a detention. If she doesn't make her lunch, she either has to pay for food or goes hungry. She can rummage about for whatever equipment she wants 5 minutes before you leave, but if she's not in the car at x time you leave without her.

It honestly is that simple, and you need to explain to her that that's what's going to happen from now on. She will have to organise herself.

It'll work great for both of you because you'll be off her back and you'll have a whole load of stress off your shoulders.

Let her deal with things in her own way. She's old enough.

Oh I agree, and she has had to deal with the consequences before. But alongside this I want to help her to find some practical solutions that might help her to help herself.

There are ‘to do list’ apps you can get, but you have to be organised enough to use them

Ask her if she wants help to become more organised. No point trying to force help on someone who doesn't actually want it.

If she does, sit together and make up a checklist for the week. Work together to plug the relevant tasks into the relevant days and times and remind her throughout the week to check her list. A few weeks of that and she will habitually refer to it.

www.focusonthefamily.ca/content/q-a-helping-a-messy-disorganized-teen

I found this article quite helpful.

As others have said, try not to let it lead to arguments and stress. Have a discussion about it with your DD. Find out if she thinks it’s causing a problem, and if she wants to improve. If she doesn’t then don’t nag, let her know you are there to offer support if she changes her mind, then back off and leave her to face natural consequences. Frustrating, but not worth arguing over.

If your DD is willing, offer to help her come up with some solutions, eg - make a timeplan, setting reminders on her phone etc. Are there factors which make the disorganisation worse? My DD16 is particularly bad when she is anxious (schoolwork, exams) or upset (friendship issues, breakups) so at these times she asks if I can help her out more as she is already overwhelmed and these little things just become the proverbial straw that breaks the camel’s back. Good luck 🍀

Also, remember that this won’t be forever. One of my friends has empty nest syndrome now her DC are ‘grown and flown’ and says she misses being needed and even misses the mess! 🐣

It helps me to remember that their brains aren't developed enough yet to do alot of the organisation, or properly assess risk - and that in some areas I'm still talking to a toddler in an adults body.

Reminders on the phone work quite well, routine helps, that and adopting a "it's not my problem, but I'll help if you ask politely" approach, and only screaming in frustration occasionally.

We use to have a blackboard wa when most be was this age .
With list and days ect.
We now all just use Alexa to remind us .