teen son using mdma (ecstacy)

[cayetana]

My 17 -year old son is a lovely chap, works hard at school, gets good grades - is polite, funny, appears to be generally sensible, has a good set of friends and generally is a good egg.

He doesn't know that I've recognised his posts on a social platform (recognised the subject he was posting about) and hence am able to see what he posts - I am only an occasional user of the platform so rarely look.

But I was on the platform today today and see that he has posted about meeting up with a few of his best friends at the weekend and how joyful it has been to see them all out in the park again. But then said how amazing it was to sit and listen to particular music tracks together - and almost as an aside, said the whole experience was magical - just as the mdma was kicking in, sitting in a beautiful park, all together.

We have had the talk about drugs before - mostly focussed around dope/weed - mostly along the lines of it can kickstart depression and around alcohol - and around keeping yourself safe, not getting into a state where you could put yourself at risk. I had no idea ecstasy/mdma was likely. He's always seemed anti drugs, or at least not interested, so I didn't suspect anything.

We had spoken about a few other drugs - but he's always answered me very sensibly and said that vodka is what he and his friends are into. The friends are all just like him - basically good kids and they are all at school together.

Now of course, I know he's not telling me the truth.
I feel unsure - I've only got this information through snooping, I wouldn't have known, otherwise.

Do I tell him straight out how I know and tackle him on it?

Do bring up the subject of mdma, keep my knowledge of his social channel a secret and try and find an example of how dangerous MDMA is from the news and try and use this as a basis for discussion?

Feels to me that if I've discovered this about my son, then many, many parents must be in happy, blissful ignorance just like me. I wonder how widespread this drug is?

I also suspect that whichever route I take of the two, it won't make little difference - he's very opinionated, very well informed, he will doubtless already be all over this subject.

Doesn't mean I can't try of course.
Any thoughts about the best arguments to use from any parents who have successfully (as far as they know) used them appreciated.

Don't go in all guns blazing. Don't tell.him you saw him on platform as he will block you. I'd maybe say someone saw him looking rather spaced out and told you and just ask him for how he views drugs etc

Don't go all guns blazing. It won't help the situation, it's likely to just make him more careful to be secretive.

Literally 80% of my peer group did E between the ages of 16 and 22ish.

Your best bet is to make him aware that you know and go through the safety measures of doing it staying hydrated but not bingeing water, having a sober friend, eating before bed, not drinking loads of alcohol.

At my uni they were very big on leaflets explaining how to be safe when doing drugs, and giving us the above info. Then knew loads of people would do it anyway, so best to talk about the risks and how to take care of yourself when you do do it.

I'm 37 btw, so this was the early 2000s. I didn't know many people that's didn't do a couple of pills on club nights.

From what I recall protein like eggs, a berocca, and fruit were the best next day cured.

Literally everyone I knew did MDMA recreationally as a teen - although probably starting at uni (19-21) rather than 17. I strongly believe that the only antidote is good ambitious peer group and ambitions of your own. They are all successful and fine adults now btw. Being told the risks by your mum isn’t going to stop you experimenting with drugs with your peers. Just set strong expectations about success and milestones in his life and let him find his way. MDMA can be a really wonderful bonding experience, isn’t addictive and everyone I know has just grown out of it - but they were all ambitious and at uni - party hard work hard etc. As long as his life is proceeding at pace and he’s doing well, I wouldn’t sweat it. If it becomes an impact on his life then maybe it’s a suggested approach to only experiment during holidays rather than term time, to stay focused.

He may not have taken it but is kidding on to his mates that he took it before he met them or something? Trying to look cool?

You could always mention someone you know recognised him in a park with others looking spaced out and mentioned it to you in Tesco the other day, and then you can remind him of how to stay safe. Finishing with nobody ever thinks they will be the one that winds up dead or whatever but shit like that does happen. You’re risking your health. It’s not worth it.

I believe that MDMA is relatively safe compared with other drugs. Have a quick google and see what you can find out. Of course as a parent the worry is always that any drug can be a gateway in to a world that you want to protect your children from.
As ever I would say that good communication and keeping trust it’s your kid is important and I think the pp’s idea of mentioning that he has been seen is a good one as a gentle way of broaching the conversation.

I’m absolutely not saying that you shouldn’t be trying to stop your son form doing it but If it helps you be a bit less worried, I can tell you that I spent many years using mdma recreationally as did many of my friends and peers and I think I was lucky to have had those years. I had an incredible group of best friends, hanging out loved up, happy and full of joy. I had a tough childhood in many respects and I think that taking mdma with my mates in my late teens worked as the best therapy. Didn’t hold me back in my studies or career at all either, although obviously I didn’t do it when taking exams etc and eventually stopped as my job seniority meant that I couldn’t function at any less than 100% at any time.
Personally I’d be more worried about my son getting into skunk or coke than mdma - and I would be very worried - so just keep those lines of communication open. Let him know your concerns, understand what he gets out of it from his point of view, try not to be too judgemental, and make sure he knows to continue speaking with you about it.
Good luck xx

If you're not sure if he's using it wait up for him to come in, and ask him for a cuddle.

If he sits in your lap and tells you how much he loves you and you're his best friend then he's taken MDMA

And how safe is vodka as a drug of choice, if it comes to that?

Thank you to everyone that has posted. A lot of food for thought.

I didn’t go in guns blazing - in the end I said (in a very quiet and disappointed tone) that I’d had a rather upsetting call from a friend’s mum (so as not to reveal my knowledge of the social post) saying that their child was concerned about kids doing drugs and his name had been raised - and what did he think about that?

He fairly leaped out of bed at that where he had been relaxing post-school. He immediately said that he wasn’t going to lie and yes he’d had marijuana on many occasions and mdma at the weekend - his first time. He wasn’t the least bit sorry about the marijuana - said in his opinion using it at weekends in holidays is pretty mild and nothing to worry about - said would be different if it were every day or even every weekend.
The mdma was a bit different- he was sorry to upset me said he is prepared to promise not to take it again but he had enjoyed it.

I said if he were picked up by the police with it his school would find out and they would expel him as it’s class A - and said his dad and I had done our best to give him a good start and I feel worried that he is jeopardising this (I was warming to my theme a bit now.) just one year before A levels and university. I also said how dangerous as he can’t know what it has been cut with.
At this but he completely perked up and said actually one of his friends has a kit that they used to test it so they did know the mdma was safe to take it. He said that friend’s mum is happy with her son taking it and gently said I’m being unrealistic if I think teens aren’t doing this at every school. across all social groups - as he put it “from the nerds to the sporty kids and everyone in between”
He said if I agree to not make a fuss about occasional weed smoking he will agree not to take mdma.
We more or less left it at that. I said he’s nearly an adult, I can’t police him - we have looked after him so carefully all these years and it’s so hard to see him potentially not making the best decisions but he is in charge of his own destiny and in the end it’s his own decisions that shape his life and we can only guide.
He wanted to know which friend’s mum was in touch and I see he’s now deleted the social post so I’m not sure if he’s guessed I’ve seen it or genuinely thinks a friend has seen the post and told their mum.
I am feeling a lot better having read the posts above from people saying it’s fairly normal, unlikely to cause harm (unless he’s very unlucky) and about being sensible (although clearly the most sensible action would be not to take it at all). But I do feel a lot better knowing it is more prevalent and not absolutely a gateway to other drugs.

Thank you.

Ha ha. That is me. So much for my attempted subterfuge

I think it’s great he was honest with you when you raised it. That’s such a positive thing, I know he didn’t tell you before (why would he?!) but he could have glossed over it. Sounds like he has his head screwed on and you had a decent discussion about it.

Someone close to me died of a bad ecstasy pill. It’s not all that innocent.

I would have a serious talk with him about how dangerous this stuff can be.

78 people died from taking MDMA in the UK in 2019. One of them in a school local to me.

My son is also 17 and has stopped going out with his mates as they hang around the park getting stoned on weed and have moved on to MDMA - and some on to Ket at parties. He finds them incredibly stupid. These are good kids with great parents - two have already dropped out of sixth form as they prefer a joint to getting up. Don't underestimate this OP.

Your son is lying when he says everyone does it. I am a high school teacher as well as a parent and it is a small group of kids who started off smoking weed to be cool and have moved on. I would say 1/3 of the sixth form take it (from my son's comments).

It's illegal. He may nearly be an adult but please think about this - what will he move on to when at Uni for the next high. I am passionate about this as I lost two friends to drugs over the years.

It’s great that he was so honest with you and he sounds like a sensible kid, it’s also great news that they have a safety kit to test what they’re taking.

Given his age I would definitely suggest he waits until he’s at uni or beyond before seriously experimenting as then he’ll be more sensible with it and be able to enjoy cool experiences like big festivals and music - so that he’s less likely to be derailed and so that it’s more of an experience thing rather than currently during lockdown just taking the drug.

The brain is also still forming and I think waiting to try these things as late as possible is much better. I think the most you can do is warn of the risks and suggest sensible approaches that support his life success but are also realistic that this is something that the vast majority of sociable teenagers do, and then go in to be successful adults. Rules such as he only does it if it’s a special occasion (like a massive festival that would be very fun on MDMA during a time that’s far away from exams) but not as a casual thing just hanging out with friends.

The risk of being expelled from school is probably much higher than from uni (can’t see that happening), so also a good idea to wait a few years.

Talk to him about testing. I'd buy him a reagent testing kit myself as MDMA itself isn't massively dangerous with correct dosage but cutting agents can be dangerous. Reagent testing is a way of testing the MDMA for impurities. Also he should have scales for correct dosage really - mg scales aren't too pricey really.

Lots of kids do it (which I know won't ease your mind as a parent!) and don't tell their folks. I would've also seemed very anti drug to my parents but that was just to keep on their good side! I was a good student as well.

It's not the end of the world, as long as they're safe. People dying at festivals is due to incorrect dosage in pills and cutting agents in both pills and crystals. Reagent testing and scales would mitigate that risk

There is a really good website for a charity that provide a drugs testing service at festivals and clubs wearetheloop.org/

They have lots of really great information about drugs on their Instagram account if you search for The Loop UK. I’ve just pulled this helpful image from their account with all different Ecstacy tablets and their strengths that were tested at festivals in 2019. There is a wealth of advice about how to stay as safe as possible while taking drugs.

I’ve got hppd from mdma which is about its worst risk

Look it up