Stick and poke tattoos

[omgmumma]

My year 11 daughter has just shown me her stick and poke tattoo. She did it with some friends using a cheap kit bought online. I'm feeling so emotional about it and can't stop crying.

I tried not to overreact but I'm very angry. How can these kits be so easy to buy?

She had told me before she did it that she wanted to do it and I tried to dissuade her saying it was potentially dangerous and something she's likely to regret, but she did it anyway.

She's a good, not particularly rebellious person and we have a pretty close relationship but she is obviously doing usual teenage stuff and pulling away. I'm learning to be more accepting of her independence and try not to overly control her, but times like these are very testing.

Luckily it looks ok and is not visible (other kids at school have really bad ones on their hands.) I want to talk to her friends parents but not sure if they know about it yet and I don't want to cause a drama for them or jeopardise my daughter's friendships right now during gcse tests.

Anyone else been through this? How did you feel? What did you do / say?

Wow. I don’t know what to say! Is this real? 11! I’d be livid. To be honest I would have made it very clear in the beginning the tattoo was not an option and set out the consequences of what would happen if she went through with it under no uncertain terms. I would have found out who had the kit and talked to the parents. The age limit for tattoos is 18 in the U.K. There’s a reason for that.

year 11 = 15/16 years.

Yes my daughter has one. It's been there for about a year and stupid me thought it was drawn on whenever I caught a glance. No I'm not really happy about it but she has multiple (legal) piercings and have known she will most likely get tattoos once she's 18 so it's not like she'll actually regret it. She's so strong minded and opinionated I literally would not win a battle with her now. She's 16. It's such hard work

@Poorlykitten

Wow. I don’t know what to say! Is this real? 11! I’d be livid. To be honest I would have made it very clear in the beginning the tattoo was not an option and set out the consequences of what would happen if she went through with it under no uncertain terms. I would have found out who had the kit and talked to the parents. The age limit for tattoos is 18 in the U.K. There’s a reason for that.

Yes, not 11! (I agree that would be devastating!) They are 15/16

The ‘cool’ girls in DDs year bought a tattoo gun on eBay & tattooed each other.

I’d keep an ear out for when she gets back from going out with friends, are they the party crowd? Remind her about consent & the benefits of doing well at school.

@Poorlykitten

She’s year 11 so that’s 16.

For what it’s worth, I got my first tattoo at 16.
I am in my mid 30’s and I have never regretted it for a second. She is at the stage of life where she is going to make choices like this for herself now and you won’t always like them. The key is to be involved in her choices going forward- make your opinion one she actively values and seeks out. My next tattoo after the first was actually based on a necklace of my mother’s and we talked about placement etc, so she was never ultimately happy with my having tattoos, but she was happier than she might have been otherwise.

I personally plan to offer to pay for my kids first tattoos if they want them and will wait till 18 and let me take them to a professional whose work they have researched and feel passionately about.

Your daughter may never want another tattoo now,’or so she may want 100, so make sure your reaction to this one sets you up for the relationship you want.

I fully understand that other users may flame me for this response as she is 16 and that is technically ‘a child’, but I really hope this helps.

Ah! I’m sorry! I panicked and read it wrongly. 😩 Year 11 is a little bit different. I had my first tattoo at 17, massively regretted it but it’s done now. I don’t know there much to be done now but I too would be upset.

@Pbbananabagel I did the same, payed for his first one for his 18th. gave me some control on where he went.

Exactly @Samcro it’s a ‘choose your battles’ issue

@Samcro I did offer paying for one at 18 but teenage impulsiveness won out!

@Pbbananabagel Wise words! Yes I'm trying to be accepting as this is who she is. Hoping I've instilled enough sense and reasoning over the years so she makes good choices. I'm relieved that she has done a 'good job' of this one, and I know she wouldn't want to mess herself up - she's a very neat person! And I've learnt over the last few years that coming down heavy handed or overly critical or controlling doesn't do anyone any favours.

@Looneytune253 Sorry you've had to go through this too. No battle with a 16 year old is any fun is it!

@LizziesTwin Yes she's definitely in the party crowd and it's that group doing it. When I was at school it was the really scary kids who did it and it didn't seem cool in any way!

Sorry to derail but what is a stick and poke tattoo?!

Remind her about the Everyone’s Invited website & how she and her girlfriends can look out for each other. Yes, boys should behave better etc but at the moment I only care about protecting girls & that means one of them is the designated sober, they take turns & one of them is always able to look after anyone who throws up etc & keeps an eye out for someone going missing.

@omgmumma I think you should treat yourself to a massive glass of wine at the earliest opportunity! It sounds like you’re absolutely doing the best you can. Get practical about it, make sure she keeps it clean and well moisturised.
It must have been a real shock! Hopefully it will have put her off for a while at least as stick n poke’s are a good bit more uncomfortable than tattoos done with a machine!

(@zippityzip it’s the form of tattooing from before the modern machines were invented, you use a needle to ‘poke’ a hole and then apply ink, then move the needle to create another hole, the entire tattoo is then made of dot work. They can look absolutely beautiful, a friend of mine has a full back piece done in this style that took about 7 sessions of travelling 150miles to see the tattooist- it’s been featured in a few magazines since.)

If there’s any chance of the kit being reused between them and not cleaned or disposable items replaced properly I’d be getting her straight to the Drs for Hepatitis and HIV tests.

She needs to be told just how monumentally stupid this was - she not only runs the risk of infection (from the skin not being cleaned properly) and blood borne diseases but also allergic reactions to whatever was in the ink. Cheap kits bought online are cheap for a reason.

Stupid, stupid girl.

These are really popular at the moment. I hate them too, what did she do and where?

I would just keep telling her no to anything on her face or hands as it's likely she'll get more done.

My daughter did one on her ankle, she is 13. Honestly, it’s not the worst thing they could do. I had a fairly big tattoo done on my stomach when I was 15 after saving up my lunch money. It’s pathetic especially after 25 years and 2 children. I have to live with it but it hasn’t affected my life opportunities.
I would be concerned though if my dd tattooed tears or a moustache on her face though 😂 just makes sure it doesn’t become infected.

@zippityzip

Sorry to derail but what is a stick and poke tattoo?!

letmegooglethat.com/?q=stick+and+poke+tattoo

My DD did a couple of these in Yr 11 too. (Now Yr 12) On the insides of her fingers. Didn't have a kit, just used a sterilised needle at a friends house. I am not a fan of piercings and tattoos, but she is becoming an adult and you have to let them make some choices for themselves, she went and had her belly button pierced as soon as she was 16, not what I would have chosen for her but she loves it. If the stick and pokes aren't very noticeable I wouldn't make too much of it, seems pretty common and I don't think will last forever, one of DDs is still there, the other has nearly worn off. As long as she is being hygienic when doing it and doesn't go mad with them I would think it is a fairly small foray into experimenting and being your own person.

13! My 13 year old has no clue what a stick and poke tattoo is. Thankfully. She is still playing uno and watching pokemon. 😂

@Poorlykitten - long may that continue!

@Blewitt - yes that's been my approach so far, what else can you really do! We just have to stay tolerant and adjust our outlooks. Just hoping it's a one off for now, in which case it's not so bad.

@Disneypointed ha! A teardrop or moustache and I don't think I'd be here to write this!