Found out son is self harming

[Pickledpbeetroot]

My 16 year old son has been self harming. He cuts his arms with a razor.

He told my oldest son about it but all he said was stop doing that, and took the box of razors from him room. That was a couple of weeks ago, and tonight my oldest son spoke to me about it.

I’ve tried to speak to my 16 year old, but he doesn’t want to speak to me. He gets annoyed and asks me to leave his room. I 0bviously can’t force him to speak to me so I’m at a loss as to what I do.

My son has said he speaks to his friend about it and that’s fine, but she is only 15. She hasn’t told anyone about what’s going on.

Can anyone give me any advice?

Thank you

It's not fair to be relying on the 15 year old for support.
There are some good websites - such as Young minds. Talk to your GP too perhaps?
Such a worrying discovery. Hope you can get some support.

Sorry you are going through this.

Ring your GP in the morning. Even if they can’t force him to talk to them, they can give you advice.

And offer to listen. Take him out for a drive, whatever you can.

I am concerned about him telling his friend, but I don’t want to say that to him incase he worries about it, so I’m unsure what to do about that.

So sorry OP, I have been where you are, the worry is overwhelming.
Firstly lock all sharps and medications away to give you immediate peace of mind.
I can really recommend a FB group called Parenting Mental Health. excellent peer support for parents.
Self-harm is usually a way of releasing a build-up of tension or anxiety so it's important to convey to your son that you understand he feels he cut his arm for a reason and that you understand that.
Is he likely to engage with help-lines or therapy of any kind?
Although I would recommend phoning your GP the reality is that there will be likely be months of waiting before he receives help on the NHS.

Without being too grim. Hiding sharps etc is not necessarily the right approach. Friend of mine is going through this with her child and has been told not to do this.

With regard to the friend, it's a difficult one. I think you do need to address this with your son and say it's ok to talk to friends about how you are feeling but that younger people don't always know what to do or say for the best. Do you know the friend's parents well enough to speak to them?
I would also inform the school of what is happening, many have counsellors they can access and they will be able to keep an eye out for both your son and his friend (assuming they are at school together).

@Beamur

Without being too grim. Hiding sharps etc is not necessarily the right approach. Friend of mine is going through this with her child and has been told not to do this.

I have heard that advice too and there is some sense behind it but I think you really need to know why the child is harming before taking any risks. Safety razors might just about be ok (unless dismantled) but large knives and meds should definitely be somewhere safe. Believe me when I say it is not worth the risk. Do you know if he has done it since speaking to his brother, OP. Has he shown you his arms?

Handhold here as I've been there. Can you afford private therapy?

A year of counselling cured my DC. First twice a week, then once a week.

For the record, it wasn't all aimed at the child. We as parents had to change our behaviour too.

I appreciate this isn't helpful to you if you don't have the funds.

Thinking of you and your child. xxx

Thank you everyone.

He won't show me his arms. My oldest son is an adult. My 16 Yr old showed his brother is arms last week, he said there was one cut so I think he was trying to reach out to him however,my oldest dealt with it badly (Imo) and just said don't do that again, got angry and took the razor blades our his room. My 16 Yr old went into his brothers room and took the razor blades back. Its only now my oldest has told me about it.

My son won't speak to me or anyone else. I'm actually a Foster carer, my social worker would be able to get me access to a therapist but he won't speak to them.

His friend who he is speaking to has been his friend since primary and he speaks to her all the time, she is his best friend. I've spoken to friends mum and just asked if she can ask if he is okay as I'm worried about him. So I will see what happens.

I was shocked about all this I would never have guessed.

Hi, wondering how things are for you now?