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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Not sure how to help my son

2 replies

Lavendersquare · 19/04/2021 11:58

My DS17 is a lovely boy most of time but over the past year or two his moods are frankly awful, lots of snapping and general unpleasantness directed at me, his dad or his younger siblings depending on who he feels aggrieved by that day. He's tall and in my opinion very handsome but so lacking in confidence it's painful to see, this isn't helped by the fact that his two slightly younger brothers are the exact opposite and are extremely outgoing and confident both socially and academically.

I'm worried about the fact that he hardly goes out apart from college, which due to distance learning he hasn't physically been to since December. In addition to this I've seen on a message on his phone (no snooping before anyone accuses me) that he has registered for Grindr.

I can't think of a reason to join Grindr unless you are gay and I'm not bothered in the slightest if he's gay or straight, we have plenty of gay friends and he knows that neither his dad or I will be concerned if he is gay. What does concerns me is that his bad moods are connected to him not wanting to tell us, or admit to himself that he is gay.

We openly chat about our gay friends and things like 'It's a Sin' on TV , so he knows we are not bigoted, but it upsets me to think that he might be struggling to understand his own feelings.

I completely get that he probably doesn't want to talk to his ageing parents but he seems so unhappy that I'm really worried about him. What can I do to help him, is there anything for teenagers like my son who aren't very confident in themselves to get some help?

OP posts:
SpeedRunParent · 19/04/2021 13:07

I feel for you OP, this is tricky because he is of an age where privacy is essential. Have you thought about writing him a letter? Not to ask or hint at anything, just to say that he seems to be unhappy recently and you wonder if there is anything you can do to help him.
It mustn't be a long, guilt tripping, heavy emotional missive, just an unassuming note.

Lavendersquare · 19/04/2021 14:26

@SpeedRunParent a letter is definitely something to consider, like you say best that it isn't too long. I'd love him to open up and talk to us but sadly that doesn't look likely to happen.

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