Overweight 14 yr old

[jacspatoutthecat]

My 14 yr old DD is quite large for her age. She wears a 14 and sometimes a 16. She was 8lb 9oz when she was born and has always been big for her age. She eats relatively healthily at home(not overly healthy but not pure junk!!) but being a teenager when she is out with her friends they do tend to eat mcdonalds and nandos and get starbucks frapichinis etc plus chocolate on the way to school.

I had to nip into the bathroom for something earlier and she was just getting out of the shower and she looked much much bigger than the last time I probably saw her without any clothes on. When she was about 12 and she weighed herself she was in the slightly overweight category. She is a really happy teenager who doesn't have any major issues about her weight. Lockdown has obviously not helped and I think it is this past year that she has put the most weight on. She knows she is bigger than her friends and mentions it sometimes but I do not want her to get a complex about her weight but on the other hand I do think maybe she needs to cut down on the junk stuff and exercise a bit more. She is not sporty at all and apart from walking to and from school she doesn't really do any other form of exercise. It is very weird because the rest of the family are all really slim and me and my hubby have never had to diet so this is completely new territory to me. I don't know what she weighs as I don't want to make an issue of her weight.

What does she do after school? Mine has barely moved during lockdown, and while she is lucky with her build so she doesn’t look bigger, she’s definitely softer and rounder.

So we have looked for hobbies that will get her moving. The local crossfit gym does PAYG teen classes, she tried that last tues and enjoyed it so that’s something a couple if times a week. She’s grown out of her gymnastics but we’ve found a cheerleading gym she’ll try out at next week.

So that will be a 4-5 hours a week which is enough for now.

Other things we discussed are duke of edinburgh, ice skating, trampolining, cycling/triathlon... or possibly even police cadets or red cross. Anything to get her out of the house and moving.

What does she do after school? Even just walking around the streets with her friends is better than coming home and sitting down for the rest of the evening. If she isn't going to join a sports club could you get her doing the hoovering etc, honestly anything to get her moving.

get starbucks frapichinis etc plus chocolate on the way to school.

They eat chocolate first thing in the morning on the way to school?

She needs to be taught about healthy eating and exercise and see it at home and be helped to put it into practise outside of the home. She needs to understand about making healthy daily choices but still have occasional treats and that a creamy/syrupy coffee and bar of chocolate daily is way too much sugar.

Unfortunately at 14 I don't think there isn't a way to do that without her twigging on it is about her health, ergo her weight.

I think the main problem is that up to about age 12 they do all the after school activities which keep them fit and active. She had swimming lessons, guides, and dancing classes and she was always bouncing on the trampoline but when they get to about 12 all this sort of stops. She is doing duke of edinburgh so that will help and I am going to see if me and her can go swimming a couple of evenings a week.

but when they get to about 12 all this sort of stops. if they/you want it to stop. You worded that as if jts an inevitable neither of you had any control over.

@WeAllHaveWings

get starbucks frapichinis etc plus chocolate on the way to school.

They eat chocolate first thing in the morning on the way to school?

She needs to be taught about healthy eating and exercise and see it at home and be helped to put it into practise outside of the home. She needs to understand about making healthy daily choices but still have occasional treats and that a creamy/syrupy coffee and bar of chocolate daily is way too much sugar.

Unfortunately at 14 I don't think there isn't a way to do that without her twigging on it is about her health, ergo her weight.

Unfortunately her school is across the road from a Tesco express (lucky for Tesco but not for the teens eating habits!) . None of this is daily just now and then and she doesn't eat the chocolate first thing - she sometimes buys a pack of buttons or a twix and eats it at school in the break.

If she's doing DofE then she will have to do a regular sport or other physical activity as part of it. So talking through what she has started doing for each section / what she's planning to do or would like to try, would be a great starting point for your conversations. And then maybe as part of, how do you improve at 'x', you can help her with healthy eating patterns too.

I would definitely enforce some more healthy eating habits. Make sure she has a good breakfast before school like Weetabix and fruit to keep her full. Make sure she's taking a healthy, varied packed lunch and you're giving a balanced dinner.

Swimming sounds a really good idea. Doing some fun sports together will be good for health and also something nice for you to do together. What about something like tennis too? Or running?

Considering the crap I ate at 14 I'd say it's mostly just her genes. Most young teen girls can eat what they want and not be particularly bigger so I feel for the lass.

What about a self defence class? There's been a lot in the news about women's protection/harassment etc and she's coming up to that age. You could phrase it as being strong and able to protect herself and friends if needs be? So something like Thai boxing etc?

being a teenager when she is out with her friends they do tend to eat mcdonalds and nandos and get starbucks frapichinis etc plus chocolate on the way to school.

Who is funding this?

Why don't you challenge her to do couch to 5k with you - I did it with my DD and it got rather competitive at times. She has a tendency to put on weight when she's not active enough, but we've found rugby to be a brilliant sport for her. Lots of fun fitness training involved and girls of all shapes and sizes can get stuck in.

Exercise will help with mindset and Gil time do reduce grazing but realistically weight is about diet.

As a teen I ate crap but that was a weekly McDonald's and a daily chocolate bar at school break. I walked 2.5 miles to school and back each day and did a sport 3-4x per week plus a fair bit of walking with friends (no screens)

It sounds like your DD is getting much more regular junk food and very little exercise. You need to cut the calories to make any meaningful difference. Additionally junk food is highly addictive - I think you could express concerns about developing bad habits that may have lifelong impacts

You really need to over

Thanks everyone. Couch to 5k is a great idea. Now that school is back there isn't the meeting in town for a nandos or mcdonalds. This was the only holidays that they have been able to meet each other since lockdown and was lovely to see her socialising again just annoying that it always involved food and drink which she could do without!!

She is a really happy teenager who doesn't have any major issues about her weight.

Please don't be the reason she suddenly does have issues around her weight because you're all "really slim".

Really tough one because teens can so quickly become sensitive about their weight and develop eating disorders so I definitely understand your reluctance to make it an issue. Saying that, if she doesn't develop healthier patterns now, it'll become an issue later.

My DD's school also, unhelpfully, has a Tesco metro opposite and they all often seem to pile in there after school to buy chocolate, flapjacks and whatnot. That and Starbucks seems to be a thing at this age. DD (13) is currently a healthy weight and even if she weren't I'd very wary of mentioning food at all because one of her friends has a quite serious ED.

However, what has been really helpful is emphasising to her the mental benefits of exercise. I go running in the morning with DH and I always talk to her about how I feel a million times better afterwards so she's started doing a Joe Wicks workout after school each day and finds it a really good way to shake off the post-school sluggishness.

So my approach would be to talk about how exercise makes you feel not how it makes you look. And I do think once she starts exercising some of the weight will come off but also she'll be more inclined to start eating a bit less junk. Good luck!

My DD is 13yo and plays netball. In lockdown when her netball was cancelled she did online workouts to keep fit - there are loads of free ones available.

You're right not to want to make her paranoid about her weight, but it sounds like you're maybe going a bit too far the other way? It's ok to teach her healthy eating habits, it shouldn't be a completely taboo subject.

I’d have conversations about health rather than weight. If she can develop healthier habits then the weight should gradually change.

So when talking about exercise, discuss in terms of wanting to be stronger or keeping your heart healthy (remember “slim” people can be unhealthy). Talk about eating a wide range of foods & why they are important for your body e.g eggs = protein = repair & growth. No such thing as “good and bad” foods, some are more nutritionally dense than others which is ok. Some fats are good like nut butters and avocado.

Ensure she is eating every 3-4 hours, going longer periods can lead to overeating due to being too hungry and usually on sweet/carbs to bring sugar levels back up.

Being slim doesn’t equal healthy.

@MalbecIsMyOne

I’d have conversations about health rather than weight. If she can develop healthier habits then the weight should gradually change.

So when talking about exercise, discuss in terms of wanting to be stronger or keeping your heart healthy (remember “slim” people can be unhealthy). Talk about eating a wide range of foods & why they are important for your body e.g eggs = protein = repair & growth. No such thing as “good and bad” foods, some are more nutritionally dense than others which is ok. Some fats are good like nut butters and avocado.

Ensure she is eating every 3-4 hours, going longer periods can lead to overeating due to being too hungry and usually on sweet/carbs to bring sugar levels back up.

Being slim doesn’t equal healthy.

Yes, this is v sensible advice

This is so hard isn't it, I really wouldn't know how to handle it.

My sister and I were both overweight in our teens but mine dropped off as I started going out with friends and missing meals by default, but have fluctuated through my adult life. My sister's never did and so she has always struggled with her weight. I only really got a better understanding of how to maintain a healthier weight when I started doing WW at uni.

I agree with a PP that weight-loss is 90% diet, so if she's always been on the bigger side, even before she was able to buy things for herself on the way to school etc, is there anything you can change at home to help her?

It is so difficult though, especially if the rest of your household is slim so it might feel harsh to change things up massively at home.

This is not something quick to solve. Obviously, there should be some exercise and good eating habits (rather than diet). At home we have always tried to be an example of all this and it is super super super exhausting as it requires to be always resisting temptations.

If you try to implement some exercise (we love trekking and is very adaptable to everyone's condition) and better overall food, there should be no problem for your daughter to sometimes eat unhealthy food.

Oh, another thing. All the family wanted a dog so we took a big one that enforces us to walk a lot. Walking is a super exercise to burn fat instead of sugar.