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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Advice on DS and Friendship issues

7 replies

Basilandparsleyandmint · 07/04/2021 14:59

My DS 15 was part of a big group all sporty types all go to the same school. In the group there are some that he gets in with better than others. Over lockdown they have all played Xbox in different groups which have changed a bit throughout the year as with all teen friendships there have been a few arguments etc
Now lockdown is being lightened they have started all meeting to go to the park to play football excerpt my DS is not being invited along.
He claims he isn’t bothered but I guess he would say that. Some of the group that he plays Xbox with have moved to a different group. So he is still playing with people and they were invited to play football / hangout but my DS wasn’t.
So my question is, is my DS the problem perhaps he isn’t well liked. Which I feel sad for him.
I have tried to tactfully ask him aboout his behaviour and he thinks he is fine though he did admit to a fall out with one the other night. He mainly tells me about all the other bickering hat goes in that he claims he isn’t involved in.
I know one or two of the other mums, would it be a really terrible idea to ask if they know anything and their kids thoughts on my DS so I can try and help him socially or just keep out and hope things get better?

OP posts:
WeAllHaveWings · 07/04/2021 21:54

One of ds's friends mums asked me the same question about her ds when they were 13.

Best I could work out from ds is there was a big snapchat group and it was always an open question who wants to go out, no one was individually invited, or chased if they didn't answer. She thought her ds was waiting for this so ds tried a couple of times in the group chat and was ignored.

Then she said there was a separate snapchat group he wasn't allowed to join and he felt left out. Asked ds and he said that group was for "couples" only, the girls had set it up, he wasn't in it either and nothing to do with footie meet ups.

Turned out he just didn't like hanging about with his old friends anymore but didn't want to tell his mum as he didn't think she would like his new friends.

How are the meets being arranged, is it possible he is just missing the open invites/or has been missed off a group or is he sure he is purposely being excluded? Can he ask someone he knows? IME footie is usually the more the merrier unless he has done something to really piss them off or they are really cliquey. Not sure at 15 I would ask another mum unless you know her well and trust her to be able to enquire very discreetly.

rookiemere · 07/04/2021 22:01

I think it's difficult at the minute with restrictions around numbers being outside together.

DS 15 plays football with mates, but at the moment they're deliberately trying to keep the numbers reasonably low so as not to draw attention to themselves. Also I know they deliberately tried to keep one away as he's very temper prone at rugby and also liable to injure others through over enthusiastic playing.

I'm not sure what to suggest about your DS, things will hopefully even out again next term when they're properly back at school.

Andi2020 · 07/04/2021 22:21

Do not contact the mums if it gets back to your DS that you went behind his back he could get an awful hard time from his friends.
If he is happy enough just leave it.
My dd has been left out during covid19 as I don't allow meet ups but her friends break the rules and go out all the time.
Real friends will be there when covid19 is over.

Original poster
Basilandparsleyandmint · 08/04/2021 08:02

Thank you for taking the time to reply Smile

My DS would be cross if he found out and I don’t want to embarrass him either. It’s a horrible feeling as a parent really when he isn’t being included.
The group wasn’t sticking to the rule of 6 but was most of his football team plus one or two others who are not in the bar him and two others who do play for the team, so I think it was deliberate really.

OP posts:
FelicityPike · 08/04/2021 08:04

Maybe they just don’t like him anymore?
Can’t be helped sometimes, people move on and change.
If he’s not so bothered I wouldn’t interfere.

FelicityPike · 08/04/2021 08:05

That’s sounds harsher than I meant....sorry.

Original poster
Basilandparsleyandmint · 08/04/2021 08:30

No its fine and sadly I think you might be right - not a nice feeling. I can’t wrap him up in cotton wool forever. He is basically a good kid. For at least 12 kids not to tell him though is a blow and I have to wonder if perhaps the problem lies with him Sad

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