Advice needed on teen friendship

[MrsPaulHewson]

Please can you wise people advise me?
My DD (15) has had her BFF since pretty much the start of senior school. The BFF has been on holiday with us multiple times and really become part of our family (DD is an only child).
During this time, we have become very friendly with BFF’s family, to the extent that we have family nights and days out together.
Over the past year, contact between my DD and her BFF has been on and off. They have gotten together when they could, but the BFF has a younger brother that was always on the scene. As a result, they’ve not had much private time together.
Since the return of school in March, my DD has come home saying that her BFF has changed and isn’t treating my DD in the same way. There is no bullying or cruelty, just minimal chat and a new preference for another girl.
My DD is heartbroken. Missing her BFF and crying constantly. We’ve made many suggestions as to how she could deal with the issue.
But, my DH and I keep asking ourselves whether we should contact our friends, BFF’s parents, to see if they know of any issues? We don’t want to lose their friendship and feel that if our DD’s fall out, it is bad news for our friendship. Seeing as it has only come about because our DD’s are friends.
WWYD?

Unfortunately you have to keep out of it unless there is any real nastiness (and evening then it could backfire)
Just because they have been friends for a long time it doesn’t mean that the BFF has to put your DD first, maybe she has found it all claustrophobic and wants to spend time with other people?
It must be hard seeing your DD upset but what do you expect her parents to do? Order her to only stick with your child?
They might not be BFFs at school but still happy to mix out of school so it doesn’t have to be the end of the family friendship- but it might be if you are too pushy

And encourage your child to make other friends too

You can encourage your daughter to make other friends - hard with covid but once she can will she go to clubs/hobbies? Try to ensure she has a circle of friends.

If you have become actual friends with the other parents then the girls.being less friendly shouldn't impact this. I have a friend I made through my son - as our sons are friends....but there have been times the boys don't see each other much...yet we are still friends and do our thing together. There are other mums I only hang with because our kids do....Nice people but true lasting friendship hasn't happened.

But, my DH and I keep asking ourselves whether we should contact our friends, BFF’s parents, to see if they know of any issues?

Ffs, NO. Your daughter needs to learn how to navigate her own friendships, and you being close with the parents does not require your children to remain best friends. You don't have to stop being friends with her parents just because your children aren't as close any more.

There's absolutely nothing you can do here, unless there's nastiness involved and it doesn't sound like there is. It's just life... friendships move on, people grow and change and want to be with other people. Perfectly natural.

Should it affect your friendship with the other parents? If there's no nastiness then I don't see why you couldn't all still hang out occasionally. But surely you were aware that 'full family' friendships have a shelf life? If you were just hanging out with them because of your children, that's a bit... weird?

DH and I are still very good friends with a couple we met through DS at primary. The boys are really not besties anymore, but they still like each other so the odd family bbq etc still works just fine (Covid permitting obviously), but we also socialise as couples because we like each other, which isn't based on our DS's current friendship status.

We made this mistake too. It is better to encourage wide friendship groups rather than an intense/exclusive bf type relationships.

Don't contact the parents or interfere, children can grow out of each other, whether they reconnect or not, support your dd to find herself a wider range of friends.

Stay out of it, Mrs Paul. If it's over, it's over and there is nothing you can do. They are both very young.

Give your daughter lots of love and comfort (I'm sure you do anyway). She will gradually come out of it but it is terrible at the moment.

Message received loud and clear. It’s just heartbreaking seeing my DD like this. She has many other friends, it’s just this one seemed to be extra special.

It is very hard to witness your child being so upset, but you can't fall into the trap of micromanaging their lives. My children are both in their 20's now, and in my opinion, this is the hardest part of parenting, having to step back, allowing them to figure things out themselves, and making their own choices. You'll be doing a lot of this in the years to come, so best start getting used to it now.

My best friend moved on when I was about 15. I was bereft. It really affected me. I too had lots of other friends but she was just wonderful in my eyes. Nothing you can do unfortunately apart from support her and encourage her to do things with other friends.

People move on. This may have happened in 6form or uni but it has happened now. Presumably BFF has had the chance to develop other relationships during the lockdown period over social media without (as harsh as this sounds) being constrained by the constant presence of your DD.

My DD, 15 turning 16 soon, also our only child- to me she always wanted to have one best friend and they would hang out with wider groups together, this never happened she could not find that connection with any of the girls at school, she goes to all girls school. But in time, she learned to widen her horizons in time, made mistakes and learned from them up until this year friendship groups, dramas between other group mix-ups or the core group dramas OMG what a roller coaster - one of the girls in her core group they were really close in the first lockdown/easing lockdown spent all time together but then schools opened the BF changed her direction to the other girl in the core group, now my DD takes this as the core group at school, friends she hangs out out of school, and with the other girl in the core group, they now got closer (the core group; 4 girls), they all find their own ways in time. I totally understand your worries, but give it a time, your DD will find her way too.