Why does my 15 year old

[purpleben]

Lie

When she's been out with friends, there is always drama and lies involved.

Last night she rang me crying, I picked her up from the area she was hanging out with friends all day. She told me she liked a boy and he didn't like her. She left her friends and walked home along the canal in the dark until she rang me and I told her to run straight to the street where there is plenty of light and people about. Her story didn't add up though, she told me friends had left but then said they was still there.

Just to add, no drugs, smoking or drinking on her behalf was involved. I asked her and told her if these things happened I wouldn't be mad but just prefer her to be honest. She came home and wanted food and a shower.

Honestly I really don't know what to do, I see texts from her friends and there's always drama no matter what and my daughter is always involved. She's 15 nearly 16 so old enough to stop lying to me and be honest. I don't shout, I would understand and be calm about anything.

I don't really know how to help her or what to do but it's causing a lot of unhappiness in the home.

At my wits end.

One thing I would take from this is your daughter felt she had a good enough relationship with you that she rang you when she needed you. She opened up to you about boy issues. I think these two things are massive as a lot of teenagers would lie to their parents about both of these things. It shows you obviously have a good relationship.

I think all teenage girls have drama that follows them around. All teenagers tell white lies to their parents. If I'm honest I wouldn't push her anymore as you risk pushing her into a situation where she doesn't want to approach you if anything goes wrong through fear of questioning.

I told my first dd (first dc actually) that she needed to always tell me the truth about where she was and who with incase she found herself in bother - I needed to know how /where to find her. Sadly tell her she may find herself grounded until she is more trustworthy..

Lots of teenagers lie. It's to make life more exciting, interesting, dramatic and because they spend a lot of time in their own head pretending to be someone prettier, more confident and much cooler than they are.

Either that or they get sucked in by social media and feel they have to compete with every one else's amazing looking lives.

Stay calm. She'll outgrow it eventually. The thing to recognise is that she thrives on the drama and therefore doesn't want to stop it, no matter how reasonable you are as a parent.

gingerbiscuit: I think all teenage girls have drama that follows them around. All teenagers tell white lies to their parents. If I'm honest I wouldn't push her anymore as you risk pushing her into a situation where she doesn't want to approach you if anything goes wrong through fear of questioning.
............

I agree with that. Everything is dramatic at 15, I was the same. If there wasn't drama I'd invent some.

Agree, drama isn't to upset or spite you it's just being a teen

If I'm honest I wouldn't push her anymore as you risk pushing her into a situation where she doesn't want to approach you if anything goes wrong through fear of questioning.

This is good advice and as much as I want to know the truth I'm not going to push her. She's home, safe, hungry as usual and nice to her brother which is unusual. But at least she rang me.

I really didn't know this was normal for a teenager, I can't remember what I was like. I'm going to try and give her a bit of space, but she does need to stop because it's getting to the point I'm struggling to believe anything she says.

Check out whether he was unpleasant to her, or if she found herself in an unwanted or scary situation. She might be afraid you'll ground her.

And the fact that her friends let her walk off towards the canal on her own when it was going dark isn't sitting very well with me.

Or was this another lie 🤷‍♀️

And is the boy their age?

@GoWalkabout

Check out whether he was unpleasant to her, or if she found herself in an unwanted or scary situation. She might be afraid you'll ground her.

Yes I did, she said he was unpleasant in front of everyone. He didn't scare her, he just upset her. I told her if he did something she must tell me but she's adamant he didn't. But with previous lies and made up stories is so hard to know what really is the truth.

@GoWalkabout

And is the boy their age?

16 and at school, so she says 🙄 I'm going to turn Instagram detective and see who he is. I have a name.

My girls aren’t teens yet but something about accepting lies as ok because she ‘trusted’ you enough to tell you doesn’t sit right with me.
What happens when the the truth/lies are about something really important? Assault etc....
Privacy and drama may be part of growing up but lies to my face would upset me.

@Smartiepants79

My girls aren’t teens yet but something about accepting lies as ok because she ‘trusted’ you enough to tell you doesn’t sit right with me. What happens when the the truth/lies are about something really important? Assault etc.... Privacy and drama may be part of growing up but lies to my face would upset me.

It is very upsetting and your right, what happens when it's serious? It doesn't feel right, as much as I'm calm and letting things go as not to push her away I'm actually sick with worry. I'll see what the next few days bring, seems to be one thing after another.

From your OP and reading between the lines I would guess that your DD argued with her friends and left them of her own accord and then lied about that to you as she realised you would be concerned about her potentially putting herself at risk by being on her own. I wonder if her lies revolve around “saving face” and down-playing her own poor choices/bad behaviour when it comes to telling you. I think this is all fairly standard teenage behaviour to be fair.

However one thing that I think you urgently need to address with your DD that is particularly concerning (far more than the lying) is that she seriously needs to be thinking about her own safety first and foremost. It is especially relevant at the moment with what happened to Sarah Everard. If you are giving her the freedom to be out and about with her friends of an evening she needs to show you that she can be trusted to do everything in her power to ensure that she is safe and is making sensible decisions. Leaving her friends to walk home on her own in the dark is a huge concern and I think this is what you need to be addressing with her rather than the lying.

Thanks for your good advice Rollergirl. I agree, and I think I was more relieved than anything she had the sense to ring me. I've checked her Life360 and everything she says about where she walked and what time is correct.

But I will have a chat again today about her safety.

I hate the lies too
My dd1 always did it at age 15/16 think they feel more adult if they don't tell us everything.
My dd now 17 realizes why she should tell the truth its for her safety I need to know who she is with and where she is.
It did cause alot of upset in the house when I would give out about not seeing who she was meeting or she would hang about in dangerous areas.

A teen I know got left alone by friends, got lost and a passing man actually grabbed hold of her. Fortunately another passer by intervened.