DD lonely

[YorkshireLou]

my almost 15yr old dd has struggled with friendships throughout her life, she had 1 best friend & then a couple at a local group, but had a big fall out. Theres no chance of making up, shes tried. She moved to a different school & has a few friends there, but they are not local enough to do anything with outside of school. There are no interests/groups she can join, I have searched & searched & shes not interested.
how else can she make friends ? Anyone elses child like this ? girl or boy ? She just needs to get through the next year & a bit & then she will start college, where i'm hopefull she will make new friends.

Does she say she is lonely and wants to make friends? Clubs/groups etc are the best way, but if she’s not interested perhaps she’s not bothered. Volunteering might be a good way to get to know people of different ages, if teen friendships are hard for her.

yes, she gets upset when she sees other people having fun on social media. We have had ALOT of tears over the years. Last night was particularly bad, hence the post.

I’m so sorry. This sounds so hard. I’ve also had this to varying degrees and at varying times over the years with my daughter. I’m just going to list some things I’ve tried over the years, to see if anything may work for you.
First thing is to try and lift her spirits in the home. Family evening of fun, help with cooking and planning a big exciting meal, games, YouTube quizzes, family zoom calls, play her videos games, try just dance, kareoke, do up her bedroom, can she have a pet to look after?? Anything to start the ball rolling so she has some areas of fun, even if they’re just with you and/ or sibling.
If you think she’s genuinely low/ depressed or a bit anxious, it’s worth doing a doctors appointment. Attend with her or let her go by herself - sometimes if things aren’t too bad taking a proactive step can help. Unless they’re really low, if they have good communication and can talk with you I genuinely believe they don’t need too much more.
When you communicate with her, really listen, go for a drive just you and her, let her control the music in the car and ask real questions about the music. See if this starts some form of talking. Does she say why she doesn’t have friends? Is she shy? Different interests? Also reassure her that many people have spent a year behaving differently and have forgotten how to behave and masks and restrictions are really difficult and all teenagers are struggling. Try to reassure her that this will pass.
Revisit the discussion on clubs or volunteering again in a calmer way - perhaps Once she’s had some fun days with her family and some good long talks with you. Many teenagers feel that life and fun times will be handed to them, they don’t realise that they need to make some effort, try new things, smile at people. She may be a little open to trying Something. I think it’s bloody impossible for teens at the moment - in the U.K. it feels like all they have is screens or hanging around in parks. She’s not alone in feeling lonely xx

Just reread your post again - if she does have some new friends who aren’t local, maybe you can drive her over just for an hour or so to meet them and you read in the car or something. Just something to lift her spirits and to cement their friendship out of school? X

I was also going to say why can't she travel to see her new friends. They can't be that far away if she goes to school there everyday.

OP , I could have written this about my DD14 . Am not sure if it's hormones or lockdown and her spending a lot of time online with people she doesn't know . Either way she has lost her BF and her close friends . It got quite bad just before half term where she was suffering bad anxiety at lunch and break times and locking herself in the toilet .
I don't have any more suggestions other than what others have said , make her time at home fun , and try not to focus on the friendship issues . Proper friendships will grow organically , and maybe later at sixth form / college .
Also tell her that she really isn't alone , I hear this more and more . I do think it's lock down and isolation related , we will never fully appreciate the harm this has done to our kids . She isn't the only one and many will feel the same , but if she just focuses on her schooling then , over time , things can improve .
Also - please don't think you're alone OP , as a parent , I know how all consuming and utterly sad this can feel . This too , shall pass

Oh OP. I’ve had this to varying degrees to with my dd12. I have 4 children. She’s the 2nd.
I swear I’ve shed so many tears over these last few months for her and how she’s been so let down and left out Yo-yo friendships. And then dumped and didn’t speak to her for 6 weeks during the last lockdown. It really affected her.
I’m doing everything I can to assist her and get her to be proactive. Things are improving at the moment. But i have been really worried about her. Her moods swing from one extreme to the other. She was just so sad and withdrawn. Lost her spark. Heartbreaking.
Shops open on 12th April don’t they. I think that will lift her mood greatly and then maybe you could arrange a shopping trip. It’s so hard. As now they’re older, we can’t organise play dates like we could in the primary school playground.
Could you just end up driving her to the friends area? I think I would, like you said, anything to help her.
It’s such a shitty time wise too to reconnect and start new friendships. But things will improve. With lockdown lifting

Hugs to anyone with children experiencing this. Honestly, I’ve found it the hardest emotionally. Seeing the light go from behind her eyes. I know it will come back again. I see glimpses of it at times.

Op this is like my dd. Attended a different high school to her primary cohort, a selective school (got in on her own effort, no pressure from us to achieve etc) but pupils are so far spread as it's cheaper to travel than pay private fees that once leaves school any contact, and it's not great, is via WhatsApp. Hardly ever meets up, I think about 4 times in high school so far, now getting anxious, kids from further afield all know each other through shared arranged transport or tutors.

Dd was really upset at last birthday, non one to hang out with.

No clubs etc are open at moment but dd so shy she reads having to look at going to any

No solutions but, as with other posters, feel your pain and interesting to read what others have to say

Hi, thank you for all your replies. I'm happy to take her to meet friends, but they have very strict religious views & are not allowed out to meet my daughter because of their religion etc. We are not a religious family.
How are your teenagers getting on ? x