Anxiety tearing the family apart

[Rabbitroad29]

Like everyone, we are having a very tough time currently
I currently sat in a layby writing this as I cannot bear to have my 14 year daughter say to my face how much she hates me all evening avai.
She's experiencing severe anxiety at school, has tried self harming and is now walking down corridors at lunchtime lonely and crying. I try to help but she pushes me away constantly
School aren't doing much to help because of bubbles. There are no extracurricular clubs because of covid. My daughter is pleasant to my husband but she turns round to me and states she won't eat my food, she hates me and won't talk because we have never had a good relationship.
I'm not sleeping as I'm so worried that I can't fix this. My husband distracts himself through running and strava while I cry.

Your husband needs to have a word with her and support you also.

Severe anxiety aside. You should not be treated like this.

I'm sorry to hear your daughter is having a tough time. Really do push with your GP for a referral. But if she is self harming then I'd probably take her to A&E so she can get her cuts seen too and also ask them for a referral.

I’m so so sorry you’re going through this and I feel your pain. Your daughter must be feeling a bit scared and alone at school and pressure of work.
The reality is she doesn’t hate you. Lots of girls veer a bit towards their dad at this age. The pain for you will be so hard. Fear often shows itself as anger and they lash out at the closest to them.
I think first of all you and her dad need to be united and calm in your approach to her. Agree What aspects of her behaviour you’re prepared to accept and what are red lines.
Second, you need to rebuild some communication with her that’s positive. Try not to take her comments personally, stay calm and say you love her.
Praise specific things she does well - “I really admire how you got up this morning, I know it’s hard at the end of term”... or something.
I watched a lot of music videos with my daughter when she hated me - just chatting about stuff that was neutral and showing a genuine interest in something she liked built a chink of a bond. Just gradually tried to build on it.
They don’t want to see you upset - they want to offload their stuff on to you and then have you be a stable rock and then they move on.
It’s the hardest thing you will ever do.... but they come out the other end. I always think if I Am cheerful and positive try daughter is better... it’s like our moods can really affect them too.
Finally ensure her diet is as healthy as possible and she’s sleeping well - all helps with MH.
Rather than mandate it, maybe explain to her that you believe by her being healthy and sleeping she will feel stronger and more cheerful. Ensure she knows you are working alongside her and are tore to help her with her worries. These worries will be friendship groups, how she looks, status, exam success, boys, shy after lockdown to name but a few. Really sending you lots of strength x