Possible BPD?

[Jstmee]

I think my 12yr old might have borderline personality disorder...

This isn't just a new thing, it's been gradually building for a few years. I'd appreciate if hormones were left out of it.... I understand child development/puberty etc and it's way more than that.

She has very low self esteem, binge eats regularly (taking food without asking to do so and then saying she hasn't), she's so angry 90% of the time and verbally lashes out at myself and my parents. Relationships with her peers aren't always the best and she makes choices that puts herself at risk. I suspect that she may be/have self harmed in the past but whenever questioned about it she blows up at me.

I genuinely feel like I walk on eggshells around her, the hate and attitude rolls off her the majority of the time.

I've been to the GP a number of times, we've had blood tests done around 6 months ago (all clear) and a referral was made to CAMHS but I was told she didn't meet the criteria.

Does anyone have any experience with borderline or emerging borderline personality disorder in teens? What is your experience getting the help and support needed?

The police is new thing the alleged incident happened on Saturday/Sunday.

Concerns have been going on way longer than that.

Sure, but it still sounds like she is in the middle of a difficult situation.

@ThePontiacBandit

ADHD had crossed my mind, as did ASD however both have been dismissed by school and EdPsych as her school work is a very high standard.

This gives me the rage! (At the assessors, not you OP) I was very academic at school. My dyslexia meant things were harder the higher up the educational ladder I went but I’ve been educated to Masters level! Academic doesn’t necessarily negate either of those things. Some of the most intelligent people in history/modern successes were/are thought to be neuro-diverse. Sometimes it’s that ND quality that makes us hyper focus in a way that most NTs won’t.

Yes, me too. I did extremely well throughout school and in my gcse and a level exams despite mitigating factors (unrelated to my adhd) and am about to graduate with a 1st class bsc. The symptoms for adhd can be so different in girls that that really doesn't mean that much, schools often assume if they don't present with the textbook symptoms girls can't have adhd but that's not true.

A couple of things stand out for me:

Why does she have to ask for food?
Does she not have free access to healthy snacks? What is her diet/ exercise like? Is she overweight?

If she has some kind of eating disorder you should seek advice from a nutritionist.

What does her dad think about her behaviours? Is she the same at his house?

I would take a guess that the separation and whatever issues have led up to the police involvement have been a lot more traumatic to her than you realise.

Id pursue a private psychiatric assessment in your circumstances.

No advice I'm afraid I just wanted to hand hold and empathise. My DD12 is exactly the same. Hates everyone and everything and can't/won't engage unless it's on her terms. I referred her to CAMHS last year and she completed a course of CBT telling the therapist exactly what they want to hear and getting discharged with glowing feedback. I hadn't considered a personality disorder just anger issues, hormones, depression and anxiety. However my husband/her dad committed suicide 3 years ago so she has experienced childhood trauma. She told me this morning she's been self harming. I really don't know what to do, I've reported all my concerns to school and I'm waiting to see what they suggest. But it's hell here. Her mood affects everyone in the house.

Stop encouraging the OP.

The GP.said she wouldn't fit the criteria..stop trying to.label a child.

@felulageller
She asks(takes) biscuits and crisps etc. She has access to healthy snacks but eats those then asks(takes) other things. I'm awaiting contact from a dietician since her bloods came back normal. Yes she is overweight even following a healthy diet she takes food, eats left overs and some of those manipulative friendships I mentioned involve begging for money when at school (within 6 weeks I owed 3 different parents over £60 because of her behaviours).

Her dad sees some of the behaviours but mainly dismisses them and let's her get away with murder (yes I know that doesn't help matters but you haven't met or tried to have a conversation with my ex).

And unfortunately private diagnosis isn't feasible due to the upfront costings, takes me to afford counselling!

@Namechange1991x actually the GP supported the CAMHS referral he was the one who put it in. The school said no because she is meeting and exceeding educational targets. I guess you haven't heard of the fizzy juice idea - where kids present 'normal' and 'functioning' at school and then let it all out when they get home because they feel safe to do so. People are giving advice and their own experiences as I asked for, if you don't like it then please leave my thread.

But BPD isn't chosen behaviour and reactions mostly can't be controlled. It's emotional dysregulation set off by triggers and you can't decide when to become dysregulated, so if she's fine at school but not at home, it means she can regulate emotions when needed. People with BPD can't.
I am merely giving my advice and experience, as you just said you asked for it. I understand you disagree, but I won't be the only one.

@Namechange1991x

But BPD isn't chosen behaviour and reactions mostly can't be controlled. It's emotional dysregulation set off by triggers and you can't decide when to become dysregulated, so if she's fine at school but not at home, it means she can regulate emotions when needed. People with BPD can't. I am merely giving my advice and experience, as you just said you asked for it. I understand you disagree, but I won't be the only one.

This is all true about BPD. Although you can learn to regulate much better much of the time through DBT.

You can look up info about emotional regulation etc online. Or download/buy resources (although I understand without training/a therapist you may not find all of it accessible) When I googled DBT and teens earlier it also said Mind for young people had some info.

One issue with some therapies routinely handed out is that they can be like sticking plasters, like PP daughter with CBT, not able to get to the real issue/ past the person’s defensive shell. Whatever the diagnosis of your daughter, the important thing is trying to get her support and to increase your understanding of issues such as emotional regulation through reading up etc. without fixating on diagnosis. (That can come later if necessary)

hi op Just wondered if you still on Mumsnet how things are now