What to do

[Doubledoodlemummy]

DD11 has had a rotten day at school today as her best friend is having to self isolate.
She has just started counselling due to social anxiety and is really struggling with the return to school after lockdown.
She’s asked if she can stay home tomorrow. My gut says no as she needs to attend school and I don’t want her get into a habit of non attendance, she’s academically bright and doing well at school. However, my heart goes out to her and I know tomorrow will be tough... it’s so hard! She’s sobbing and so stressed at the idea of a day at school alone.

You know your dd best, but as someone who suffers from social anxiety I know that giving into it and avoiding situations always makes it much worse the next time.

I usually make myself face situations I'm really uncomfortable with. Often yes, they're as bad as I thought they were going to be, but it passes and they're over and I dont have the dread that putting things off brings.

I tended to have 1 or 2 good friends at school so it was shit if they weren't there but you can't go through life using another person as a crutch- its not healthy for you or them. She will develop coping strategies in time.

Thank you- great advice and that’s my gut instinct.
Sometimes we just doubt ourselves x

I would be sending her in for sure - you can't not really

However I'd also probably promise a treat for after school - is there something you can come up with that she'd look forward to? Anything from buying her something you know she wants to a late night with a film and a takeaway

Hugs to your dd.

Lockdown's been terrible for me too as it's allowed me to avoid these sorts of situations so the thought of going back to normal is daunting.

She can develop strategies though and build her confidence. I found high school tough but I had a great time at university, and most people have no idea about my social anxiety.

That’s good to hear. She’s working on some mindfulness right now and seemed to understand that I couldn’t allow her to stay off school. She’s happy that she won’t have to travel on the school bus tomorrow as her dad will pick her up and she’s In charge of the takeaway menu for tomorrow night.

How did you daughter get on after?

She survived. No one to partner with for PE and she said she didn’t sit with anyone for lunch- makes me feel sad BUT I’ve talked to her about facing her fears and told her how proud I am. Thought parenting a baby/toddler was tough but this absolutely sucks

I've let my daughter take some mental health days. I see this as being as relevant as an upset tummy or infection. She benefits from a day out when it all gets too much. She is older though, which you may feel makes a difference.
At the end of the day you know what's best.