Tell me about phone restrictions

[Butterfly44]

My 15yo daughter has a test tomorrow and I've clashed regarding her being distracted by her phone so put limits. My point being the time she has spent on TikTok and Snapchat is time she took away from revision. Apparently none of her friends have limits and I'm too restrictive 🙄 What's a reasonable daily time allowance for school weekdays?

At 15?? I think that is too old to be limiting phone or screen time. She needs to be responsible for herself. She fails, she fails. Natural consequences.

I have a 15yo in Year 11. She has just finished mocks. I don't impose any limits on her screen time these days, I expect her to self regulate. She is very self disciplined though, and I don't ever need to remind her about schoolwork, revision etc.

I limit DD15. But I am always prepared to debate with her and relent if she has a good argument.

I recently spent £15 on a pack of highlighter pens because when I asked her to explain in 3 words why I should; without missing a beat she said 'I love you' and she meant it too. She won.

Always be open for negotiation, if everything is given then what is there to aim for?

NB. Am not stepford wife/yummy mummy or anything else vomit inducing

By 15 they should be able to figure out thos gir themselves.
I do not restrict her phone usage or monitor her revision schedule. But she is very hard working and doesn't use social media much either. If she was doing poorly I might be more on top of it.

I don't have limits or get involved in revision schedules but DD does very well academically. I only get involved if she asks for my advice or I feel has a problem or is about to make a not great decision. Otherwise I let her be independent.

I also think 15 is too old for screen time limits. At this age she should be able do manage her time and face the consequences of some poor time management choices, if necessary

Ok so my issue is she's not great at self regulating and always has a phone in her hand, so I am trying to be fair while putting in boundaries. She was multitasking revision for test with chatting to friends and so I checked her screen time for the day - 7hours -3 on Tiktok and 3 on Snapchat. That's a good amount of proper no distraction revision that could be done. I'm sure we will get there, but for now I need to impose some agreed boundaries which I hope will improve her studies and manage her own relationship with technology, which has had increased reliance upon this last year.

To add she is in year 10, sensible, and I just want to help guide her to be on her phone less than she is

This is interesting. My dd has just turned 14 and is campaigning for no restrictions next birthday. I don’t limit the daily amount any more but it switches off at 11pm.

Hi Butterfly44 I fully understand what your going through my dd is 14 and like your dd she is constantly on Snapchat & Tiktok , we do ensure that her phone is downstairs by 9pm charging on a school night , I leave my phone downstairs as well .

My dd sometimes says that none of her friends have restrictions but most nights she’s happy to come off it at 9pm , In fact this morning she told me that a group in her year was trying to call her at 1am this morning she was happy that her phone was switched off .
Year 11 will be an important one next year & the kids are so far behind,

I know that in our school year 11’s are going in to school for a few hours on a Saturday.
Everyone has their own opinion on this matter some children are disiplined we all know our own children & mine would be up all night on her phone given the chance .

She cannot self regulate so you have to do it for her. She was meant to be doing revision, it would be interesting to see how much she retained.

My 15 year old is not obsessed with his phone but that is because he uses a computer instead and is on YouTube and Reddit. However, when he is revising, he deliberately moves himself away from the computer so that he isn't tempted.

It is also bollocks that parents don't restrict access. If they cannot self regulate then as a parent you need to step in to ensure school work is done to a high standard. Year 10 is hugely important. I tell my children I love and care for them enough that I am willing to piss them off because I want the absolute best for them. I am not their friend, I am their parent.

It's normal to regulate your children's use of lots of things, ( hot water, crisps, stsying out late, alcohol, use of matches, playing music loudly money etc ), phones are no different!

I think the fact that she isn't able to self regulate is the key here. She may be right that her friends don't have restrictions imposed upon them, but maybe they restrict themselves instead? Might it be possible to give her one more chance at self regulation, with some clear expectations around what's reasonable and an understanding that you will have to regulate it for her if she doesn't prove able to manage it for herself?

I wouldn't restrict a 15 year old's 'phone use. Your daughter will be fine.

I recently spent £15 on a pack of highlighter pens

Blimey! Were they gold-plated?

I think it depends on the dc.
Some of mine were better able to self regulate than others. Some are a bit addicted.
My youngest one acknowledged that and used to put hers in her bedroom and come and work in the dining room or whatever. Eldest one needed to be taught how to put boundaries in - which sounds like your dd. My middle one was quite keen on 'timetables' and rewarding herself for working for 1/2 hour with 5 or 10 mins on her phone.
The ideal is that we all help them to self regulate from when they are young. In practice, of course, some dc find that easier than others. When they find things like that hard, I used to start out by suggesting things rather than imposing them - suggest 2 or 3 ways and letting them choose, and still feel they are in control and not being treated like little children.

Honestly I think the majority of the teens are unable to self regulate screen time, many apps and socials are developed just to be addictive, or even just to trick their young minds. Many adults are unable to self regulate it, even teens with the best intentions can become addicted to phones and internet, it's plenty of articles and bad experiences everywhere.
At 15 it's totally not unreasonable to have phone's restrictions, even until 18yo, my 17yo still has them and she proved she cannot manage that all by herself. Having screen time limits is not a punishment or a consequence for their lack of responsibility, it's just a help and a safeguarding thing.
Experts recommend not more than 1 hour a day of screen time (on every screen) up to 12yo, 2 hours a day up to 18yo. What works for us is mainly 4 hours for school related apps (on a tablet used only for school) and 1 hour a day for all the rest (phone). With the parental control app you can easily manage which apps have limits, android and apple have both their own parental control that you can easily install and use for free, if it's beneficial for the DC I don't see why we cannot use it. And OP, I'm sure many of your DD's friends have phone's limits, for sure.

I don't put on restrictions on phone use but have discussed good study habits with ds for the last 2 years of exams and it has now sunk in.

It can't be argued against it is much better to put phone away in another room for a 40-45 min study session so you don't get distracted. Do some quality study, then come out for a break and chat with friends for 10-15 mins before the next session (he sometimes fits in a walk around the block for some fresh air at the same time which is even better).

They can even schedule chat time with friends to be last 10-15 mins of every hour.

If he doesn't believe me it is in advice from school and also online in study tips to put phones in another room. Validation from another source helps too.