My teen will soon be 15 and I am struggling.
I am struggling to find much I like about her at the moment and that sounds harsh as I love her very much.
Mothers day is always difficult for me as I suffered a late miscarriage and my mum is no longer around. I told dd I was disappointed that I hadn't received a card...that's all I wanted. I should have let it go and move on but I didn't realise just how sensitive I was feeling (my middle dc made a lovely fuss of me and I should have left it at that). It really grated because I have supported dd no end through friendship issues/schooling etc. as well as day to day stuff. Late last night she says here's your Mothers Day card and when I opened it, it was full of stuff I had 'done wrong'. Things I had said out of temper (for which I'd apologised for and said that it was wrong to say - that my abusive father had said similar in an attempt to try and motivate me but that it was wrong and there was no excuse.) Also, I was trying to have fun with her and hid and she said she had been traumatised at school when younger by children doing this and I was doing the same thing. That I am not proud of her...when I tell constantly how creative etc. she is. The problem during lockdown was that she fell behind and I had to keep urging her on to get work in - her school kept e-mailing me about it all...in the end I had to ask them to stop as it was affecting my relationship with dd. She is bright but doesn't put the work in. She has been offered money for doing a job at home but again doesn't bother. Constantly says she is depressed and has anxiety - I think it is the second more than the first but perhaps she is a bit depressed.
I have anxiety too which I try not to show and being older, it has improved whereas she is in a very self conscious phase. As soon as GP surgery opens up, dd has agreed to speak to someone about these issues. I am perimenopausal and have other children. Doing the best I can to keep afloat, all this nastiness is dragging me down (it is aimed at me and not my husband...apparently he had said some negative things and I had agreed - but it still came back to me). It touches so many nerve endings as I experienced a physical and emotional abuse from both my parents growing up and I have tried really hard to give my dcs a better more loving upbringing. But of course I have made mistakes along the way.
I have requested therapy for myself too on account of all of this...both past and present. I know I need to be there for dd and reassure etc. but it is so difficult...I feel a protective mechanism rising in myself...but I know I've got to be the adult. Just feeling like I have gone very wrong somewhere for dd to be so negative and anxious and quite frankly obnoxious.
Is anyone else struggling?