Tick Tock

[misspiggy100]

This is really something I’m struggling with. I have said no to my DD 13 having a tik toc account as I am not happy with her posting videos of herself to the web even with privacy controls. I have just found that she has secretly created an account and is posting things at all hours of the night. Not inappropriate things necessarily but still. Am I being unreasonable to not allow her an account. The dishonesty thing will be dealt with but I’m torn about the right thing to do going forward.

We don't allow TikTik/Snapchat etc for our son who is 14. They don't need it and those apps are a literal minefield

The best thing to do is let her have a private account and only have her friend on there so she doesn't go against you and have a public one for everyone to see

Seeing the variety of different ways Mumsnetters can find to spell 'Tik Tok' is one of my favourite pastimes

@itstiktok

Seeing the variety of different ways Mumsnetters can find to spell 'Tik Tok' is one of my favourite pastimes

Predictive text ! And can't edit it on Mumsnet

@emilylovesfun

The best thing to do is let her have a private account and only have her friend on there so she doesn't go against you and have a public one for everyone to see

That's not how it works.

To clarify I meant to space and posted!

As in she can still see they whole array of what's on there. So it's not just she could see her friends only. She could make videos private. Although with screen shots and screen recordings it's only ever so private.

I use it but it does have some quite adult themes. Nothing massively harmful I'd say though.

My 11 year old has done videos etc but it's very private. She also doesn't accept followers she has 5 1 of which is me. She watches Harry potter things and used to watch roblox stuff. Tbh unleash the reins a bit and set boundaries.

TikTok is not that bad, is it?

It depends.

I don’t allow DD (12) it. We’ve installed google family link. She can’t add apps without permission and I can control her time. At 7pm her phone is off. If she needs internet access for something after that time (unlikely as homework is usually done by then) we have a family laptop.

At 12 she needs time with her family and time on her own. If she wants an app, we discuss it, and if it seems fair we try it.

You say she is posting things at ‘all hours of the night’ - a simple solution to this would be no phones in bedrooms after a certain time?

@AreTurnipsReal

TikTok is not that bad, is it?

tiktok isn't bad at all just depends what posts you like

"Tik tok isn't bad". It has many sexually explicit / suicidal / self harming / body hating / eating disorder videos. It isn't suitable for children.

TikTok is actually brilliant - really. I've seen no awful content in there and I use it a LOT.

Quite sweary but if you think 13 year olds hadn't heard it all before, well.

I was rather ' meh' abut Tic Tok until I was idly scrolling a few days ago and came across a woman holding her teenage dd on her knee as she wept and literally tore her hair out.

The mother was berating the online trolls who'd apparently made her that way...... And I'm their thinking no mother, you've made her that way. For posting a vulnerable teenage girl (( she has tourettes)) allover a site full of millions. Probably in the hope of making money.

If you let her have an account, fine. But ffs, keep an eye on what she posts. It's worrying the amount people are laying themselves bare on there.

I wouldn’t allow TikTok

Tiktok had a real suicide video doing the rounds for a bit. Plus videos like the one of the railing collapse and the South American school kids falling to their deaths.

Problem is anyone can post anything and it goes up with being checked. Yes, I’m sure they take stuff down if it gets reported but if your kid has seen something traumatic the might be too late.

Saying that I go on a lot and see mainly ski stuff, pet stuff, horse stuff, roller skating.

The algorithm learns your likes quickly, but you still get the odd random video.

There’s some funny things on there and some nice things. There’s also some terrible things on there. Tiktok live can be awful, I’ve seen lots of disabled and vulnerable people trolled on there for example. Tiktok don’t always seem to do anything when you report. I’m very thankful that my kids don’t want to put themselves online. My 17 year old has recently deleted tiktok and my younger ones aren’t interested.

I get wary of turning these things into forbidden fruit. I also think it's better to introduce these types of things when you can still have some control over it. When you outright ban stuff that all of their friends are doing (I think everyone in my DDs class has tiktok and they're 10!) and then they see it with friends, or they download it in secret, then they can't come to you if they see something or something is confusing or worrying them etc.

Why not work with them so it can be done safely?

I think there needs to come a time when we accept that social media is a huge part of life, a huge part of growing up, and that we can't change that. Embrace it. I was the "generation" (at least in my circle) where as teenagers we knew 1000x more about the internet (and the dark sides of the internet) than our parents did (generally speaking, I know our parents invented it!) and I turned out absolutely fine, as did all of my friends.

Realistically speaking at 13/14/15 etc, it's only a matter of time before you can't control what they do anyway. I'd rather my kids were somewhat prepared when that time comes.