Advice for DS over a tricky College Situation

[afromom]

DS16 attends an FE college to do A Levels. Given the current high profile discussions in the press around racism, linked to the fact he is doing Sociology and PE A Levels, the subject of race and racism has been a fairly regular topic in his courses since he started in September last year.

DS is mixed race (white, black African) and is the only non-white child doing A Levels at his college (in his classes). In the whole A level cohort of over 300 pupils there are two other mixed race children (in different classes. His primary and secondary schools were more mixed.

Again today he has arrived home and talked to me about how uncomfortable he felt in class over another discussion around racism, where the teacher was speaking about the topic of how parents of black children often have to talk to their children about encounters with the police, etc. And again the teacher (it's not just this one, 2 others have done the same on different occasions over the past few months), singled him out and said to him 'I'm sure you understand what I mean 'DS'. Have you had these conversations with your parents.'

Now DS is already well aware he is a minority in his classes, and is also shy and doesn't tend to put himself forward to talk if he can help it. This is making him feel extremely uncomfortable and he's just not sure how to react. Today he said he just didn't answer her as he didn't know what to say.

I've suggested I could have a word with the teacher, if he's not confident to, but I am hesitant as I'd like to build up his confidence so that he can express how it makes him feel. I'm just not sure what to suggest he says to the teacher, without sounding confrontational or rude. I'm angry they are repeatedly putting him in this position, so I'm not thinking completely rationally and am far more direct than he would be comfortable with.

Has anyone had any experience of this themselves, or with their child? Any suggestions on a non confrontational, but firm response?

He might find reading this article helps him to articulate why he is uncomfortable? The teachers are loading too much expectation onto him. He is not responsible for the diversity education of his peers. It is too much to load on him and he has every right to object.

You could say he is feeling uncomfortable. I know people say the child should be the one raising it at this age, but occasionally if it's something they are uncomfortable about raising it's ok for parents to step in if he agrees to it

Or maybe there's a tutor he'd feel comfortable raising it with?

I've heard from several colleagues during discussions about anti racist practice that they don't want to be the only ones speaking about race and racism because they are the black/brown/poc members of staff and I'm sure it is even worse if you are a teenager. He's not the token brown person and should not be expected to speak on every issue or speak for the rest of minority ethnic people.
I would have a quiet respectful word with the teachers involved.

I think this is a pretty shitty thing to do under the guise of being diverse and inclusive. Most teenagers just want to be like their mates. They don’t want to be singled out for being different, particularly if it comes along with a head tilt.

I would write an email to the school explaining that why you appreciate the sentiment behind these class discussions you’d appreciate if they didn’t offer up your child to be spokesperson for his race/culture/identity. In the same way I wouldn't expect the teacher to discuss disability and then fixate on the disabled child or sexuality and pick out the transgender child, I also wouldn’t discuss racism and point at the child with black or brown skin. It’s ‘othering’ and could be deemed to be racist all by itself.

He is not responsible for the diversity education of his peers.

This.

I think you need to be led by what he wants and how he feels. I have a mixed race dd who is very confident, very opinionated and would enjoy the opportunity to speak on these issues, but it sounds like you're ds would prefer not to be put on the spot. I think that's entirely valid, and if he is happy for you to do so, I would ask the school to stop using him in this way. He will still have the option to speak up on stuff as and when he is moved to do so.

I do totally understand you wanting to build up his confidence, but constantly singling him out and putting him on the spot probably won't achieve that. Especially in a class of people who may or may not respect and understand what he says. Better to have lots of discussions at home, imo, where he has the opportunity to articulate what he thinks and feels in a safe environment.

My DS would be acutely uncomfortable about this as well so I feel for you, and him.

Can he email his lecturers, so he doesn't have to talk to them directly? I don't think he needs to say too much except that it is making him very self-conscious to be singled out during these discussions. He doesn't want to feel obliged to share his own lived experience basically 'on demand'.

As a parent, I'd probably be querying with the college if it might be more appropriate to ask some guest lecturers to come and speak on this topic, to get a wider perspective.

Your not you're!

@KihoBebiluPute

He might find reading this article helps him to articulate why he is uncomfortable? The teachers are loading too much expectation onto him. He is not responsible for the diversity education of his peers. It is too much to load on him and he has every right to object.

Maybe he should email his Tories saying he's uncomfortable abd with a link to the article linked above?

KihoBebiluPute - thank you for that link, I've read a few similar articles but that one puts it in a great context for his situation. I have forwarded it to him to have a read through.
I'm glad that lots of you have suggested that I contact the teachers directly. I'm really keen to encourage him to gain confidence in dealing with these things himself, but I have been thinking overnight that actually in this case it may he worth me dropping them a quick email.
He's only been there since September, with the majority of the time either in lockdown remote learning or only 2/3 days per week in college. So he's not really had much chance to get to know his teachers that well yet.
Thank you for your comments and suggestions