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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Teenagers and alcohol

8 replies

AlexaShutUp · 15/03/2021 14:09

DD is 15. She is a good kid. Well behaved, strongly disposed to help others, perhaps to the point of wanting to "rescue" them sometimes. Quite innocent and possibly a bit easily shocked. She doesn't drink at all, if it's relevant.

She is extremely worried about her friend, who is 16, and his use of alcohol. We don't actually know how much he drinks or how often, but he appears to do it alone at home and when he is stressed, to the point of making himself throw up. His mother is apparently aware of this, but does not seem to voice concern - though I can't be sure of this. I don't know much about the wider family situation at all, and neither does dd, as the boy tends to be quite private, but we do know that it's quite complex, not particularly stable and that relationships are strained. We also know that the mum has a new partner who the boy strongly dislikes - no idea of the reasons for this, however. As far as we know, there are two younger siblings at home, not sure about ages.

I have met the boy once - nice kid. Never met anyone else in the family. My only knowledge is based on what dd tells me.

I know that lots of teenagers drink alcohol, and don't want to overreact, but how concerning is this? I find it hard to judge as I grew up around a slightly "rougher" crowd than dd, and getting drunk at that age wasn't really anything out of the ordinary. However, it was mostly something that people did with their mates. Does the fact that this boy is drinking at home alone, rather than out with his friends, make this more of a safeguarding concern? Would you mention concerns to the school? Or just leave it?

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AlexaShutUp · 15/03/2021 14:21

Bump!

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Everythingiswonderful · 15/03/2021 14:51

I do think it’s concerning.
At that age getting together and drinking with mates is pretty normal.
Sitting at home, with parental knowledge, drinking until you vomit is not normal at all. How sad for him. Maybe pastoral care could have a chat to him?

AlexaShutUp · 15/03/2021 15:01

Thank you @Everythingiswonderful. That was my instinct but it's good to get a second opinion. I think I'll have a chat with the school.

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Wobblesandchickuns · 15/03/2021 15:05

Absolutely talk to the school - they will deal with this seriously.

AlexaShutUp · 15/03/2021 15:10

Thank you @Wobblesandchickuns, that's reassuring.

I'm sure that dd will be concerned about me telling the school, as she will be worried about causing more problems for the boy in question, but she is really concerned about him and recognises that she and her friends don't have the skills to help him, so I think she will understand.

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Wobblesandchickuns · 15/03/2021 15:15

School won't tell her friend who reported it. They'll treat it with discretion.

Squeejit · 15/03/2021 15:16

I’d say that was the start of an unhealthy relationship with alcohol. There may be any number of reasons for it, but the drinking is likely to be a symptom of something else going on in his head which he is trying to escape from.
I’d speak to school and ask them to keep it anonymous that it has come from you/your daughter. Poor kid sounds like he’s struggling but early intervention can make a huge difference.

AlexaShutUp · 15/03/2021 15:21

Thank you @Wobblesandchickuns and @Squeejit. I would trust the school to keep it anonymous, but I think the boy may guess it was dd in any case - her friends all know that she tells me stuff that most of them wouldn't relay to their parents. Hopefully, he will recognise that she was trying to help, but I will prepare her for the eventuality that he might not see it that way. She is pretty mature and I think she will understand why it's better to get him some help.

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