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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Sad and doesn't want to go to school

2 replies

ZippyTiptoes244 · 13/03/2021 09:30

We're a close family and have in some respects thrived during lockdown in each other's company. My 15 year old daughter had issues with school prior to this as school had been turned into an academy. She's a bright kid with good predicted grades but she just doesn't like the way school is run with over complicated rule systems and a massive emphasis on 'bigging yourself up' which is just not us. Our kids are kind and confident but don't need to sing from the roof top about achievements. They've changed the seating so it's alphabetical and she's not with any friends. They have to have enforced discussions and she's not shy, but reserved and they get penalised if they don't have the discussion. She was sad to have to return and this week, it's like we've seen her day by day lose her battery life. She's come home more and more sad and despondent and I just want to be able to make it better for her but don't know how. I've spoken to the school prior to lockdown and they weren't really supportive saying "If you don't like the system, then it's not for you". People suggest leaving school but this isn't an option as she'd lose all of her friends and it's the year before her GCSE. I just wondered if anyone had been through this and could give a bit of a hand in how to support her. We love her so much and it's so sad to see the life leaking out of her because of school.

OP posts:
JustDanceAddict · 13/03/2021 17:10

Stick it out until end of GCSEs & then move her if you can’t now.

thecatfromjapan · 13/03/2021 17:21

Yes. Sticking it out until GCSEs is good advice.

Start researching post-GCSE options together - it makes it more positive; it gives her some control; it gives her buy-in; and if she needs good grades for a school she likes, it will be an incentive.

Never underestimate humour - celebrate completed weeks at school with things like a cake and candles - or whatever floats your boat. Congratulate her for her resilience and common-sense in sticking it out. Find positives to celebrate.

I hated my school. I coped by focusing hard on what happened next - and what I needed to do to get to next.

And even though I hated the school, there were positives, and I focused relentlessly on those.

And next does arrive. And it is often even better than you thought it was going to be - especially if you've put some work into making sure it is.

She can do this. She's resilient, strong, bright - and that kindness implies a fundamental openness towards other people and experience. She has many, many resources to draw on - both from within herself and from her family.

This is a blip - she'll get through it. And she'll make sure what comes next brings her joy.

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