Dd13 is a heartbreaker

[Teandsympathy]

My dd13 has been a bit boy mad for the past year and seems to enjoy messaging/flirting with multiple boys at one time. It wouldn’t be a problem except she has a pattern of showing lots of interest right up to to the point where they tell her they like her and then she turns them down and not always in a very sensitive way. It never goes further than this but she is leaving a trail of broken hearts and it doesn’t sit well with me. I’m also concerned that this pattern of behaviour could develop into something more serious in a few years.
I have been monitoring her phone use and spot checking after finding out she had been messaging random boys she met through Snapchat and some became quite explicit. This has been dealt with and the boys she messages now are all people she knows in real life but I am concerned she will get a reputation. At this point she has never had a proper boyfriend but I know we are getting to that age where it becomes a lot more real.
Her main hobby/interest is very boy dominated so she spends a lot of time with just boys and they have always been very supportive and inclusive. She is (and I don’t say this just because I’m her mum) very beautiful and has realised already that she draws a lot of attention from the opposite sex. She doesn’t wear too much makeup and just wears jeans and hoodies.
She struggles academically and we are in the process of getting her assessed for adhd. She is quite behind her peers and socially immature. Lots of classic adhd traits: impulsive, lacking social awareness, excess energy, chewing, hyper focus to the point where she can be extremely selfish, poor attention span.,,etc. I think it has knocked her self esteem a lot over the years and she has got into the habit of seeking approval with her looks. Most of her friends are boys and some are just genuine good friendships but how do I get her to have more empathy towards those she has hurt.

Not sure what you can do but my 18 year old DS is the same . He is waiting to be assessed for ADHD . He is good looking and attracts a lot of interest but I dislike the way he sometimes talks about girls. He has a soft side I sometimes see so hopefully it will come through .

She's 13. If course she lacks maturity, especially when it comes to this kind of thing.

She's seeing what she can do. And then bailing when it gets too much.

I'd focus on the unkind ways she's letting them down tbh. Show her a few better ways perhaps.

I agree about focusing on the unkind ways. Whilst I would never condone this, her behaviour as you note could lead to more serious reactions from the boys/young men concerned.

Thanks for your replies and I agree that she needs to be a lot more considerate. I spoke with her earlier and she said she just likes messaging and FaceTiming and the only people who do that with her are boys. She has a few girl friends but to be honest most girls get fed up with her because she comes across as very selfish and doesn’t pick up on social cues so often suddenly loses a friend and she has no idea why. She said this never happens with boys and as they are all always busy doing the sport they do the pressure is not on her to fit in socially.
I know 13 is still very young and they are all immature to some extent but mix that with adhd and you never know what mess they can find themselves in and the same mistakes happen over and over again.