Moody teen...is there any point disciplining this behaviour?

[floraflo]

DD is 13 and her moods are affecting the whole family. Most of the time she's in a bad mood and will scowl at any one who tries to engage her in conversation or will reply with monosyllabic answers. She ignores everyone in the house, not even a 'hi' or 'morning' most days. The majority of her time is spent in her room, on her phone with the curtains closed. If she wants something or is hungry she'll venture downstairs.
Sometimes, on her terms if she chooses to spend time with me she can be great company, we go for a walk or a drive and listen to music and have a chat and she can be great fun but once were home within 30 minutes she's back to being moody and insular.
Her mood affects the whole household and everyone feels they're walking on eggshells around her and she has the ability to suck all of the joy and fun out of a room just by coming in and not saying anything!
I've tried talking to her on multiple occasions about her mood but she say's nothing is wrong and she just wants to be left alone which I understand, that's her prerogative but its not fair that everyone else in the house should be dragged down with her moods.
I realise that this is probably fairly normal teenage behaviour but is there any point in trying to discipline these moods out of her and if so, how do you discipline a 13 year old? Take her phone away I guess?
Any help (or sympathy!) would be appreciated.

Do you know what she is doing on dna phone ? Is she being bullied? Is she bullying? What websites is she looking at ?

I don’t think this is normal behaviour. And I don’t think punishing her is the answer. She’s clearly very unhappy, so you need to try to understand why, what’s causing it. Because something is.

This sounds like pretty normal teenage behaviour to me OP. I don't allow rudeness, but being a bit grumpy is par for the course as a hormonal teen and as such I wouldn't discipline it. I think you need to develop a slightly thicker skin to be honest - if you're 'walking on eggshells' maybe you need to try and react to her moods differently, and not take it so personally?

Oh gosh. I was coming to tell you based on my teen and given we are mid-pandemic that it was fairly normal teenage behaviour. I will take a step back and see what the greater mn hive mind has to say!

I agree Icanandwill! Sounds normal to me!

Sounds like fairly normal teen behaviour to me. I wouldn't bother arguing with her, just make sure that there's an open line of communication between you two in case she's worried about anything.

Is she on sm? At 13 I had cause to remove dds phone for a month. A completely different dc emerged...

I think normal too (including the swings from hates everyone to sweetness and light). And exacerbated by the lockdown/lack of outlets.

I think she is "allowed" to be moody, but is not allowed to be actively rude. You can't force people to be happy.

Thanks everyone, ive taken comfort from these replies. And yes, she uses social media and im aware of what she's looking at/doing on line but I definitely need to crack down on the amount of time spent on it.
@snowcobra - you're absolutely right about keeping the lines of communication open, ive always been very conscious of this and will continue to do so as much as possible.
Hoping things will get a little better when she's back to school next week.

Sympathies, you've literally described my DD, she's a little older but very much the same. She's a big talker though and seems to share everything with us, she has the added pressure of being in Y11 and all that entails this year so I'm hoping things improve over the next few months when hopefully they will be able to get out with their friends a bit more.

Dd admitted the pressure of sm was tremendous...
Taking a break was the right thing for her. Speak to dd. Tell her that she had the whole house on eggshells and it isn't acceptable.. Say of you do believe it is The Phone then it will me removed. Having a phone isnt a given...

Normal. I let dd have social media though to keep in touch during the pandemic...its a lifeline for them but also a curse.

This is exactly my dd too, and it's just me and her so I have no one else to lighten the mood when she's being grumpy. I'm very aware I need to develop a thicker skin, I do tend to take how she speaks to me personally.

I did pull her up today on her rudeness to her dad, who came over to see her and she barely spoke to him. Like pp say, moods are hard to control as a teenager, but rudeness and inconsiderate behaviour does need to be called out, I think.

Dd2 is also exactly as described OP. And it does alter the mood in the house. It's like having an unexploded bomb in one of the bedrooms! I find it really tough and struggle not to bite back after the tenth one word answer of the day. I'm in my own with it largely as I'm divorced.
I've elected now to leave her to it after Ive checked on her once or twice. No amount of me asking her to engage will make her do it so it's a waste of energy and I just get cross with her which doesn't help.

The only issue with that approach is that she then retains the ability to ruin all events that are non negotiable by being arsey-Christmas dinner for example. And that then does result in a row unfortunately. We are having our bubble over today for early Easter lunch. She won't engage in this and I know already that that will grind my gears.I'm embarrassed if I'm being honest, about the way she behaves. But I can't put the rest of our lives on hold because she is being stroppy.
I'm not finding life with two teenage girls that much fun at the moment tbh.