Help Weed and Vaping

[1sunnyday23]

I have a usually lovely 13yr son.

For background. He really struggled in yr 7 and 8 as we had moved house and so he didn't know anyone at secondary school and he took a while to grow confident and make friends.

Since yr 9 he has a group of mates and we let him go out with one other person at a time on their bikes as exercise, which we were pleased about.

However in jan he came home one day and had obviously smoked weed and wasn't with it. We were really cross and he was grounded, had phone removed etc. We had the talk about it being dangerous to be out of it whilst he is out with his mates and tried to take a line of their needs to be a consequence but we want to keep an open relationship.

Since then I keep find puff bars / vaping in his room. I take them away and say it's not acceptable, he's only 13 etc and more importantly I don't want them in the house when he had younger siblings.

Last night I borrowed his phone to take a photo and saw on his photos that he has been vaping in his room. And even worse he smoked Weed when he was out again.

Again took his phone off him and said he's grounded. I was too cross last night to talk to him but this morning we had a chat and he admitted he spent £5 on weed.

School work wise he does the minimum and whilst he's very capable he doesn't make much effort and if more concerned about being 'cool' in front of others.

As he's my eldest I honestly have no idea how to tackle his behaviour. I love him lots but have explained to him that we have family with mental health problems they may of been caused by smoking weed as teenagers. He's also trying too hard to grow up when he's actually only 13.

Any advice or tips ?

13 is incredibly young to start smoking weed and I would certainly stop any pocket money or access to bank account so he can’t buy it.
He’s still so young so you should have some sway about who he can see, esp in a pandemic. Def talk through dangers again / he won’t think about what might happen in X years time so try and make it relevant to the present or bad grades or being out of it and having an accident/county lines.
My DS had first joint at 15 but he was nearly 16 by the time I found out. He cba with it now, and maybe has a few puffs twice a year?! He knows dangers etc and I’ve never found it in his room or any photographic evidence etc. At this age it’s much harder to ‘influence’ them as they get most of their validation through peers.

Thanks - and yes I have said he won't have access to money. He doesn't even get pocket money yet and the money he had I gave him incase he wanted to get another drink or food whilst out cycling

Is there anyway to draw him back into your family away from this sort of influence and peer pressure? Can you or his father spend some special one to one time with him? Love bombing. Get him away from any vacuum.

A friend of mine took all her son’s money off him. He ended up stealing then carrying drugs to earn the drugs. It’s a difficult one.

hi there. recently i walked in on my 12 year old smoking marijuana. needles to say i was disappointed. he has anger issues and adhd but i’m wildly worried. he shouts a lot and home life has been difficult for about two months now. he comes from a loving and supportive home and me and his father love him and eachother very dearly. i’m not sure how to approach this situation because he is my only child. please help

@mamaemily77

hi there. recently i walked in on my 12 year old smoking marijuana. needles to say i was disappointed. he has anger issues and adhd but i’m wildly worried. he shouts a lot and home life has been difficult for about two months now. he comes from a loving and supportive home and me and his father love him and eachother very dearly. i’m not sure how to approach this situation because he is my only child. please help

Sorry to hear you are also going through this.

We are also a 'nice' family and love our son and have a good family. I work a lot but we spend lots of family time together walking or at the sports centre so this has completely shocked me too.

We grounded him this week and he's been fine, really good behaviour, doing on line school work, just our normal boy so differently the boy that was angry as I realised he has been smoking and vaping

You could be me, both of you. And I’m frankly at least on some level ‘relieved’ to see I’m not the only one. My 14 year old also is dabbling and when I cut off the financial supply he becomes more cunning and lies and mis-uses food money for the other things.
Again: aside from this he is a loving, wonderful, kind and often very solid teenager. Adores our puppy, happy to go on family holidays and talkative and open about everything . He does have ADD which due to remote schooling has been badly controlled as the stimulant meds are way too much for the level of work he does (also minimal). Ironically I can’t force him to take the stimulants he hates them.
When confronted it’s always a massive row but he’s usually quick to back down, confide and apologise. But I’m still worried as hell.

I can’t believe reading this thread. I was going to write the exact thing about my DS, who’s 13 too. I am so worried about him. I have caught him with vapes. I have also smelt weed on his clothes, after being out with his friends. Does anyone know what would happen, if the police caught them with weed or vaping.