Help!!

[Ilovedogs1]

Hi all.

 This is my first mumsnet post. My issue is with my teenage son.

He is 18 and at college but never attends many of his lessons.
He says that he logs on for his online lessons but no one shows up. We have looked at his laptop and passwords etc and they all seem fine.
He blames his teachers for everything that goes wrong at college from missed lessons to his work not being upto date, it's always their fault somewhere along the line.
When I asked him what his plans are after college he said nothing,he wants a rest.
I then told him as he will be 19 this year it's about time he started paying for the odd thing himself such as his gym membership.
He said as his parent I should provide him with enrichment.
Basically nothing is good enough for him.
According to him I don't feed him adequately,
His bedroom isn't good enough, he doesn't see why he should pay for anything, our wifi is to slow, my car is s**t, the pressure in the shower is bad etc etc. I could go on and on.
I am getting towards the end of my fraying rope!!!

"Yes, I don't know how you tolerate it, but once you get yourself a job, you will be able to move out and get a perfect house"

    is a good start.   Don't get involved in arguing details with him - agree with him.   Maybe point out of course, he'll have to get that perfect job first.

Let him know that, at the end of the school year he turned 18, the Child benefit stops, and you used to use that money for treats for him (eg the gym membership). Obviously you won't be paying for that after the end of the college year, so he might want to think about applying for jobs etc if he wants to do things like that, going out, etc once we are all allowed. Just state things as facts and follow through. Don't 'mention' gym membership and then let it carry on for a few months until you have another argument. Just explain it will finish after X month and it is up to him if he wants to pay for it or not.

Lots of youngsters don't really know what they want to do long term - and it has been harder for our late teens this last year - BUT, they need to be applying for jobs to bring in some money while they think about it.

The college thing is a different issue. Mine went to 6th forms at schools and the staff there would be more than happy to have a conversation with parents about poor engagement. 6th form and FE colleges are all different from one another in different parts of the country, and also within the same LAs, so I don't know how much you can do there to support that.

"Yes, I don't know how you tolerate it, but once you get yourself a job, you will be able to move out and get a perfect house".

This is the perfect response.